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Taking Care of Myself - part 2
January 4, 2005
1:54 pm
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angel1
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Hey mj..my holidays were great..I turned a year older on Jan. 1st.(47)I was with my mom, kids, grandbabies & (husband). My New Year was nice too, my mom made me dinner my kids came by also..when I got home my husband went to a friends house and I stayed home and watched a movie it was real peaceful I enjoyed my day..So how was your holiday season? Did you get everything you asked for? I must say I got more than I asked for..I'm very blessed..today is my 1st day back to work..know it's back to reality..I went to a meeting last nite just to get me through these next few days..always got to make sure I'm taking care of me..things tend to creep up on me if I don't...Hope you all have a great day...Angel1

January 5, 2005
1:09 pm
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angel1
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hey guys..whats new?..Me well I have a cold and I'm trying my best to deal with work..this cold really has me feeling like all I want to do it lay down and sleep..but since I just got back to work yesterday..I'm doing my best to deal with it at least for 8 hrs...I keep telling myself I can handle it..knowing anyone else would get to bed feeling like this..when will I learn..but believe me when I get home I will be in bed..taking care of me..and then we had snow today..I don't like driving in it..but I have to get home so again I'll just deal with it..There are days I would like to not face the world and keep the covers over my head all day...Angel1

January 6, 2005
10:43 am
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mj
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Happy Belated Birthday!
Hope that your body is healing. I am thinking healthy thoughts. Glad to hear that youre taking care of YOURSELF.
((((((((Angel)))))))))

January 6, 2005
3:01 pm
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angel1
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Thank you mj..You sound very healthy..glad to here your doing well in your recovery..and yes my body is healing well..and I'm happy with my results but I have bad eating habits..they are so hard for me to break..my doctor requested I see a dietician..I have an appt. on the 26th..I hope I make it..I really need to eat better..I'm feeling a little better today this cold has really had me down..Hope your day is going well..Angel1

January 6, 2005
4:03 pm
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mj
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Thanks for always being here Angel.
I like the consistency you display. It helps me to learn how to become consistent. You model this for me.

Today is a Great Day to be Alive.

January 7, 2005
12:15 pm
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angel1
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Thank you so much mj..you inspire me also..you have grown so much in recovery..it's in your words and when people are working on themselves you just know it in what they say..and how they say it..it comes from within..the nicest part for me is that I have met people here that I don't know personaly but I do spiritualy that is such a beautiful thing..today I treasure the small everyday blessing I'm given..it makes my day..Thank you so very much mj..I'm very happy to have you as a friend..Angel1

January 7, 2005
12:35 pm
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mj
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🙂

January 10, 2005
5:11 pm
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angel1
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Hey guys..what's up? Me well I feel a little irritated today..not sure why..but people are getting on my nerves..I will get to my meeting tonite..I need some uplifting..any time I start feeling this way I need some help..when I allow other people to get under my skin..it's time for a meeting..I'm glad I understand this today..I need to put the focus on me..keep myself healthy..I'm grateful to have you guys here with me too..you help me get through my day..thank you all..Angel1

January 11, 2005
7:35 am
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mj
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Hi Angel,
I went to a meeting last night because my sponsor called and invited me. It was good to try a new meeting for a change. As always, very spiritual and helpful.

Hope YOU have a Great Day!

January 11, 2005
8:07 am
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tooscared
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Good morning Angel. I hope your meeting uplifted your heart and spirit last night. It is good that you have something that you enjoy and that is so helpful. Have a great day.

Glad you enjoyed the new meeting too last night MJ. We all need to be encouraged and uplifted to stay healthy and focused.

Love, TS

January 11, 2005
12:03 pm
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angel1
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Thank you mj & tooscared..I also went to my meeting last nite..it was uplifting I needed it..I have been having this strage feeling but I haven't been able to pin point what's going on..last week I had a cold so I was just getting to work then going home and falling out..this feeling I'm speaking of creeps up every know and again I think it has something to do with my husband because it keeps coming back..when it comes it's very hard for me to shake it off..since my husband quit his job..I've noticed he's very moody..I try very hard to keep the focus on me but there are times when I can't and I notice certain behavior going on around me..anyway he seems very bored and he doesn't have many friends I think he has exhausted all of his associates..so he spends most of his time at home..he use to spend very little time at home so it was easier for me to deal with him..know it's getting harder because he's always here and I see all his mood swings and it bothers me..my husband is 40yrs old and he hangs out with a few young guys like 18-25yrs old I think this is strange..I think when your an addict it doesn't matter who you hang out with as long as they get high..but it's easier to manipulate someone young..My husband's behavior has been very strange and I know alittle bit about addicts and there malipulating behavior..my brother had let me borrow some DVD's I came home last week and couldn't find them, he said he let someone else borrow them..I was pissed..they weren't his to lend out..and since then he said that this person lost them..I cam home last nite and he was wasted..he asked me if he could have some money I said no..he got upset..but I still didn't give it to him I was kind of scared because he can be a mean drunk..so I got out of the house and went to a meeeting..when I got home he had my VHS player under his arm, I said is that mine he said no..but it was mine and he was trying to sell it..I was so upset but with him being high I didn't say anymore..later I got up from bead and went down stairs..he was in the kitchen and the front door was open,(like someone had been there)he came into the living room and his clothes were on backwards..I said what are you doing..he said nothin..I said something's going on here..he said I was crazy..I don't know what I'm talking about..he's not doing nothin..I am really freaking out know he's never been this crazy and I really don't know what's going on..from my understanding an addict will never admitt to doing anything wrong..and I don't trust anything about him..I feel so messed up..I don't know if I'm over reacting but I know I'm not he is more messed up than even he realizes..and it scares me..I don't know what to do right know..I'm trying to focus on me..and take care of me but I feel very fearful..I don't know what he does when I'm working and it makes my life very difficult to deal with..I have been trying my best not to provoke or accuse but the things that are going on around me are crazy..please help...Angel1

January 11, 2005
1:31 pm
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mj
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(((((((((Angel)))))))))))))))
My heart goes out to you.
Pray and Your Higher Power will lead you to take care of Yourself.

The insanity of alcholism and addiction affects the loved ones.
Keep Yourself Safe. Trust yourself and your intuitions. Rely on your Higher Power and know that you are not alone.

January 11, 2005
4:09 pm
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tooscared
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Angel, that is no way to live. I'm scared for you. I know you have a good head on your shoulders, but he is acting irrationally and it doesn't sound safe for you. Please be careful and know we care about you. I am so sorry that you are living in this situation.

Do you have a sponsor in your group or someone you feel close enough to share with? This might be a good time to share with someone there and talk things through.

I know you are trying to focus on you and take care of you, but that may mean getting away from your husband and getting to a safe environment or making your husband move out for a while. Just something to think about.

I don't mean to be pushy, but as I read this it made me really fearful for your safety and sanity. Please know others care.

Love, TS

January 12, 2005
9:47 am
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angel1
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Thank you both..I'm grateful to have you two in my life..I'm feeling a saner today..I got a good nite sleep and I have been doing a lot of meditating with my God..as long as I can stay in a good place mentally I'm ok..I know I will have to take care of myself better than what I'm doing..my husband has a big problem most of the time he's ok..I don't feel threatend by him..but then there are times like the other nite when I think he is capable of anything and then I do get fearful..I know the insanity of alcholism and that really scares me too..I don't want to go there but when I see such crazy behavior it really does make me just as crazy..or fearful..I'm not sure what I'm going to do ..I will keep praying to make the right choices..I know my God is with me..I pray I will be able to listen..thank you mj & tooscared for being here for me..Angel1

January 12, 2005
2:16 pm
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mj
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(((((((((((((Angel))))))))))))))))))

I am headed off to my Al-Anon meeting.
Since I found the program, I have made lots of friends in the program.
Life is so much more richer. I am always here for you Angel. I am glad you could open up and share honestly about your feelings. I know that you will be able to find your answers.

I am reading a very wonderful book called "Power of Intention", by Dr.Wayne Dyer. It is helping me to remember to keep meditating and focusing on the goodness, creativity, kindness, and love of my Higher Power.
When I change my focus of God's love then my life is richer and I have abundance. Love To YOU and All.
God Bless Us.

January 13, 2005
12:42 pm
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angel1
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Thank you mj..your words are very empowering..I feel a little better today..I haven't really spoken to my husband regarding the other nite..even if I bring it up he will not be honest he will say I wasn't doing anything..then just drop it..that's how I know he's lying he doesn't want to talk to me on that subject..so I have just been focusing on me and talking to God alot..I pray for answers..I must keep myself open to my God in order to listen..and I can't do it if I stay angry..nothing good will come in if I'm angry..so I'm trying to stay focused on my Higher Power and me..in doing this my God will put me in a peaceful place..And then I can be at peace within myself..regardless of what's going on around me..I will continue to pray to make some changes with my life..Angel1

January 13, 2005
3:18 pm
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mj
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I read this today and wanted to share it with you.

"Emotions are a guidance system informing you of whether or not you're creating resistance to your God. Feeling bad lets you know that you're not connected to his power. "

When you want to feel good you are responding with kindness and love to the bad feeling and you will feel a shift in your emotional state. Feelings are created by the thoughts we think.

Wishing you lots of peace, kindness, and love. Your decision to feel good connects you to your Spirit. You become an instrument of peace, and it's throught this channel that you eradicate problems."

Remember the St. Francis Prayer.

January 13, 2005
4:22 pm
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angel1
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mj that was beautiful...Thank you so very much...Angel1

January 14, 2005
3:17 pm
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angel1
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Hey guys..how's everyone today?
Me well I'm better..it's so cold out that nothing is worse than that right know..
I got a call from my sisters boy friend the other nite he called to tell us that there getting married in a few weeks, I don't know why my sister didn't call me..she probably would of said anything to me if he didn't call to tell me..anyway my sister works for a real nice hotel chain, she has a good job and she loves to show more than she is..when my husband and I got married..no one came to my wedding..no one wanted anything to do with it..I felt so bad..I still do when I think of it..we were married in a small church..went out to a club in the evening then to dinner, my sister and her boyfriend did go out to the club with us because my husband called and asked him..other wise we would of been on our own for that too..
getting back to my sister since she works for this hotel chain she is having her reception in one of the biggest hotels in Chicago..I guess if my husband and I were doing better I might feel happy for her but she always wants to have more than anyone else..I guess I'm feeling a little jealous..I really love my husband and I have stood by alot of his garbage..but I'm not sure I want to anymore and it's hard to let go of someone you care for..I'm having a hard time being happy for someone else when I don't feel very happy myself right know..I'm not close to either one of my sisters..some of it has to do with me and old behaviors from our past..I'm the youngest and since I've been in recovery I don't get along with them very well I have learn to have my own mind and opinions and they don't like that..I should just sit back and take everything in and not say anything then everyone would be happy..but that's not me anymore and my life today is kind of lonely because I choose to live my own life..I'm ok with that but there are just times I just don't want to be apart of there stuff it's not like they even want me there..they just want to show off..and I'm not really into that..I'm not sure if I'm going..I live about 40 miles from Chicago, and I don't like to drive into the city to much traffic..and it scares me..I'm glad my week is almost over.. thank you all for being here for me I really needed you this week...Angel1

January 14, 2005
3:20 pm
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Anonymous
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Maybe the reason your sister feels she has to "show" more than you is because she feels like she has less than you in other ways. Maybe she is actually jealous of you so she does the thing with the big hotel and elaborate wedding...

Just a thought...

Love to you, Angel...

Ren'ai

January 14, 2005
5:00 pm
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tooscared
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I'm sorry that things are so confusing and hard between you and your sister. I'm sure that there is a lot of hurt all around in this family situation. I wish I knew what to say to help, but I just wanted you to know I care and am concerned for you. You are struggling with many things with your husband right now and it sounds like you are having to shoulder your pain alone except for your meetings.

I hope you feel better and can do something to bring some joy and happiness into your own life. You are going through a lot and we all do care.

Love, TS

January 17, 2005
2:46 pm
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angel1
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Thanks guys..it's nice to know you are here for me when I need you..between the people in my meetings and you guys here I have a great support system..What a blessing..
My week-end went ok..my husband and I talked some but not on any real issue..he wants to get on my good side he's been trying to get me to talk more to him and get close to him but I haven't when I'm ready to I will..I'm not trying to play games but I'm just not ready to be close with him..he can be very hurtful..I pray for things to get better..I'm still not sure about where I want our relationship to go..he needs so much work and he's not even aware of it so it's hard for me to stay angry with someone who doesn't even understand this..I'm grateful to be in recovery..and to understand that I need to work on me..Angel1

January 17, 2005
4:55 pm
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mj
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Amen Sister 🙂 Recovery is about keeping the focus on the things we can change (ourselves) and having the courage to do just that. Our Higher Power provides the wisdom when we listen through meditation!

January 17, 2005
9:08 pm
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Hello all. I just found this place and could not beleive it. I am also in a program, and would appreciate being able to post here. Especially interested because I am in alanon and because of the post about the husband who was putting his clothes on backwards. My son is an addict and he does some of the same strange things. I actually at first thaught it might be a signal to other addicts. These strange behaviors have driven me insane at times. I have begin to think of it as a game my son chooses to play with my mind and as long as I play it works. So I have decided to let it go. This has helped more than anything, if he wants to act strange and look strange well it is his right I am trying to ignore it and keep the focus on me. Thanks to the help of my sponser I can let go and let God or I can hang on and loose my mind. I am stunned to find this going on somewhere else. Thanks for sharing it helped me so much. Please keep me posted. I actually thaught no one else could possiably act this way. Keep the focus on you dear, it has been the best thing for me and I also ask my higher power for strength and support. To the reader of Wayne Dyer I have listened to a lot of his tapes and really find a lot wisdom in what he says. Life is full of exams and gold nuggets braught to us by one another don't you think? Well thanks for listening to me ramble lots of love

January 17, 2005
9:08 pm
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day1
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Hello all. I just found this place and could not beleive it. I am also in a program, and would appreciate being able to post here. Especially interested because I am in alanon and because of the post about the husband who was putting his clothes on backwards. My son is an addict and he does some of the same strange things. I actually at first thaught it might be a signal to other addicts. These strange behaviors have driven me insane at times. I have begin to think of it as a game my son chooses to play with my mind and as long as I play it works. So I have decided to let it go. This has helped more than anything, if he wants to act strange and look strange well it is his right I am trying to ignore it and keep the focus on me. Thanks to the help of my sponser I can let go and let God or I can hang on and loose my mind. I am stunned to find this going on somewhere else. Thanks for sharing it helped me so much. Please keep me posted. I actually thaught no one else could possiably act this way. Keep the focus on you dear, it has been the best thing for me and I also ask my higher power for strength and support. To the reader of Wayne Dyer I have listened to a lot of his tapes and really find a lot wisdom in what he says. Life is full of exams and gold nuggets braught to us by one another don't you think? Well thanks for listening to me ramble lots of love

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