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taking back control of my life hope it makes sense
January 31, 2004
10:43 pm
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chloeysmomma
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to sound adult like iam finally getting my life together and proud of it at the same time meanwhile hubby still trys to control me and minipulate me beacuse of his anger in the past towards me and cant let go of it i tell him to not parent me and not lecture me iam not his kid and for once it feels good i have it all in pers[ective but what do i do about my hubby and his behavior and why is he still like this to me ? do i give hima n inch or dont i ?

January 31, 2004
10:51 pm
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themis
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The more the status quo gets threatened the more the raise the anti.......it will likely get worse before it gets better and my experience say giving in repeats old patterns and feeds the monster

February 1, 2004
9:27 am
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acj
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Right on, themis.....

Define who you are and what your boundaries are and stick with them. He'll either respect you or not....

acj

February 1, 2004
5:04 pm
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chloeysmomma
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why is my hubby still like this what have i done to make him mean and angered and full of rage towards me what have if anything would make it better agin what should i do he constantly calls me names and puts me down then says i love u what and why is he like this still

February 1, 2004
6:46 pm
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Zinnie
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Have you guys ever gone to marriage counseling?

February 1, 2004
9:37 pm
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themis
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I've been walking with a lady going through the same thing and what has been working for her is putting her focus on her life. This past xmas he refused to go to his sons' christmas dinner and my friend went anyway. Brand new behaviour. She is taking Belly Dancing and has taken on another job. These things are giving her life meaning apart from him. He hasn't liked it much, but she is getting healthier and happier! Her well being is being measured less and less by HIS attitude.

February 2, 2004
2:20 am
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chloeysmomma
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yes but i still dont understand why he treats me this way and i allow it

February 2, 2004
3:10 am
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Zinnie
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What do they tell you guys in counseling? Are you both honest with the counselor and what is going on in your marriage? What is their recommendation for you to?

February 2, 2004
6:26 am
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petunia57
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Is it possible he acts like his father? Or better yet does he act like your father? If I look back at the men in my life, I seemed to pick ones like my father, which is not a good thing. That is probably why they didn't last....lol Sorry, I am not making fun of you by all means. I can laugh at myself once in awhile. Looking at myself, it was like I wanted to change them or wanted validation from them. Very complicated.....Is there a big age difference? Is this hwo your relationship started? I had this saying "I don't want to walk behind you or in front of you, I want to walk beside you" Sounds like you are walking behind him! Where you a weak he is strong and where he is weak you be strong. It's also called respect for each other. Hope you get things worked out Pet

February 2, 2004
7:05 am
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themis
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I know it is very frustrating. I didn't respond to what his problem could be because that just keeps us putting energy to his stuff, which ultimately we can do NOTHING about! All we can do is change ourselves. I hate that part of the program. Step 1 .......I'm powerless over other people,places, and things. But I CAN change me and become the person I want to be!
I think then and only then does the other stuff become RIGHT SIZE

When I was 3 years sober I started to love myself enough to consider leaving..........that is all I would do was talk to my Sponsor about my husband and trying to figure out what I should do. It stalled my growth........in trying to figure out what he was thinking, what he was doing.........I ate up all my energy and there was little left for me to change myself. I can see that now but I sure couldn't see it then. It had me consumed!

February 2, 2004
8:02 pm
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chloeysmomma
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he acts like my dad and i hate it iam feeling better but hates the way he treats me yes weve been to couseling they told me to just walk away if i feel angry at him and then he changes his tune when i ignore him i cant stand it

February 2, 2004
8:16 pm
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Zinnie
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So then are you really making any kind of progress in your marriage counseling?

Is he willing to change? Are you doing what they are recommending?

February 2, 2004
9:41 pm
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chloeysmomma
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yes iam doing what iam suppose to and i see no change in him no matter how i try to apologize i cant hes stuck and iam moving on and its sad

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