Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Take or leave? You be the judge!
September 11, 2001
7:18 pm
Avatar
C-Bear
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I was supposed 2 marry a girl I was engaged 2 for eight years. She up and left me and broke my heart. I went 2 North Carolina to work on my Master's Degree (got a scholarship) and she said the distance was 2 much 4 her. Now Im back and she wants to carry on and get back together. The only thing is I've worked through the pain and already gone through the grief. She hurt me and there's no getting around it. Now I've come to the conclusion I simply don't want her no more! She's tryin her drandest to get back in. She sent me e-mails, she calls my sister telling her how she wants me to call. During the course of the engagement all she did was treat me bad. I had very poor self-esteem and I stayed. Then when she left I reached an all time low. I quickly got myself in counseling and worked through the issues. I've informed her that my self-esteem was poor when we were 2gether and I feel so much better about myself now but she just isnt getting it. Despite all of this I still have some love for her and a part of me (my heart) wants to go back. But my head says hell no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What should I do now?

September 11, 2001
8:30 pm
Avatar
cerry
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

C-Bear,

Having so much pain and going through so much, part of you wants to take her back and the other part doesn't. Stick with your instincts. Do you really want to go back? Its up to you and noone can be the judge. Only you have the answer for this decision. My opinion is that you all ready have the answer. Use it wisely. Be proud of your accomplishments. As I was always told. Take your losses and don't look back. It is, and believe me, it is better down the road; a different direction, you'll see.
Take care,
Cerry

September 11, 2001
11:19 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am new to this site but I read your topic and I was touched to respond. When I was in high school I broke a relationship off that was really bad. Unfortunately, I went back to him 3 yrs later. Part of me wanted to get back together with him and my head was screaming no. Anyway after 3 long yrs I broke off the relationship yesterday. I know now that we broke up for a reason...listen to your head. You have already been through the hard stuff and a recovering. Don't let her work her way back into your emotions. Stay on the track you have been on and remember if you do get back together and it doesn't work it may be 3 times harder than the first. Believe me I know. Best of luck.

September 12, 2001
1:11 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I guess it all depends on you. You must really asscess the relationship, and your concious. I say since you were not married, and she just upped and left, leave her be. Continue to move foreward. Your trust has been violated, and you will forever wonder when she will go again. Think of the communication problems that didn't support a mutual resolve when she left last time. Usually when all those warm and fuzzy feelings get triggered, we are dazed, and confused, and that is all that we remember. But there was usually more than one issue that caused the break up, and most people do not change.

September 12, 2001
2:43 pm
Avatar
C-Bear
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I certainly thank yall for your replys. I'm deciding now if I should. I just got one question now, what caused her to treat me so bad? I took her out to concerts (expensive ones I paid for months in advance), I took her to fancy restaurants, I took her to movies, I brought her random presents and more. Still when she left she said I didn't show her "enough love" Bull sh**!!!!!!!!!!!! But this has happened in all ofmy past relationships, I shower her with love, gifts, attention, and love and she still ends up treating me like crap, as if I did wrong. Why is that?

September 12, 2001
3:10 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

CBear - you picked wrong, just face it. You seem to feel that if you earn someone's love by doing all these things - then it's true love and she should just act accordingly and return it to you. Well, if you pick a person on the street who is a thief and a murderer and confide in them about all your finances, where you live, etc., etc. - do you really think it would do any good to sit around later and think and rehash why they broke in, stole all your money and half killed you in the process? Um no....they were all that when you met them. We are compulsively drawn to certain personalities...therein may lie the answer to our dilemma.

You might want to analyze your selection process instead of how their head works or why they didn't give you what you wanted based on your performance or your lack of performance.

The one thing I notice is that we don't want to face the fact that many of us - want to get love by earning love. They were whatever to begin with - but, we "selected" them for reasons of our own....

Oftentimes that little phenomena is about us picking someone who reminds us of a personality that hurt us very badly growing up and now we are trying to resolve that old war - by replacing them in front of us - with a person that reminds us of them in some way. We do some role playing and try like hell to win this person who truly isn't worthy of us to begin with - over. Won't work. We chose wrong to begin with. Chose the same kind of person - who hurt us initially or at the very least - chose someone with many similar traits.

So, I'm sure you do love her - alot like you probably loved whatever figure in your life growing up that rejected you or betrayed you or just wasn't there for you when or how you needed them. That little boy in you - loved them very much - but they were not equipped for whatever reason - to return that love. And this woman in your life now - isn't able to return it either.

Neither are you able to truly love anyone as long as you do this role playing thing with yourself and whoever is in your life. You never - earn someone's love. That's a little boy's thinking....who makes something for his mother with macaroni or brings home a frog in a box.... I did this for you - do you love me?

This may or may not be your case, just something to consider. I see it so much with people, men and women alike. We do things so unconsciously and compulsively - sometimes, it's the strangest things that compel us...once we acknowledge it - then we can pull out of it. Knowledge is power, I always say. (smile)

September 12, 2001
10:27 pm
Avatar
cerry
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

C Bear,

You appear to be a caring , giving and loving person. You deserve more than someone who treats you wrong.
Your heart can't think, the heart will only feel the good and yes the bad. Follow your gut feeling it won't lie to you.
C Bear, it is nice to give but it would be nice to receive aswell. Don't over do it. You can't buy love, it comes natural. If someone is going to love you , they are going to love you FOR YOU , not the gifts that you give them. It appears that some people are greedy and want it all. Don't try so hard, and let it come natural. You deserve it. Just remember you don't have to buy things to get love , as it comes natural. It appears she didn't love you if she didn't appreciate your TIME and AFFECTION. I am a women and yes most women do like to receive gifts but from my point of view, it it nicer to spend time with one who enjoys my company. Take care , but remember , you know the answer,
Cerry

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
26
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110929
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38539
Posts: 714213
Newest Members:
stanley, LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster, Leslie Ann Satin, overmyhead201, delight1080
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer