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Taj & , I need you! I am turning into a Psycho
June 23, 2006
8:12 pm
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Jenni
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First off, go back on the Prozac, at least for now. Now isn't the time to stop the meds.

Second, KICK HIS SORRY ASS TO THE CURB WITH THE REST OF THE GARBAGE!!! I MEAN it!! This is BULL, and frankly, this guy even CHAPS MY HYDE, and I don't even know the fool!

Hearing the info from his mother, FL, was hearing it from the horse's mouth! I'm sure she knows him better than anyone, and she is telling you how to handle it. So listen to her! She knows from experience.

Meanwhile, work on yourself. THAT will be what's truly attractive, is a woman in control of herself. If anything would make him come back, THAT would be it. BUT...if he does try to come back, after you've gained your strength, DON'T TAKE HIM BACK! He will repeat his patterns over and over again. You can do waaay better! Plus, you deserve a guy who will RESPECT you, not THIS SCUM-SUCK'N DEADBEAT PUKE OF A MAN!

Ok, I'm sorry if I'm offensive, but I couldn't hold back on this one. Chalk it up to a serious *trigger*! Be TOUGH, FL, and keep posting. We KNOW your pain, better than you think! (((FL)))

Jen

June 24, 2006
6:30 am
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alycia
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Firstly i want to apoligise to everyone as i dont get alot of time to reply being a single mum but i couldn't let this one go as it sounds like she is dating my ex....

Firstly in his late 30's still going to bars, has cheated on you... This is not a man that will change i am sorry to say, take it from me as i have been there and done that....

Mine wasn't really into the bars but he was into running amock.... Drinking after soccer, getting totally pissed, walking in drunk, not coming home sometimes.... he cheated on his wife in his younger years.... he left me once for someone else ....came back once she got pregnant and it stopped working out.......

It kills, it hurts, it kills, it hurts and i am not going to lie to ya, be glad you have no children because i do have a daughter....

When they are good, they are very good but at the end of the day, their bad lifestyle outweighs their good.....

Like me, if he comes back you will run into his arms, i would have as well but its too late now and he does want to come back eight mths after dumping me with a newborn...

I love my ex more than anything but all he will do is harm me, i know that and it sounds to me like yours is harming u very much now, u have accepted too much taking back a cheating man, i could never do that and how dare he expect you to feel safe after he cheated on you....

Please think about letting go, they dont change and yea it hurts but the pain lessens with each day..... staying with the wrong people will bring us pain as it seems u are going thru now, constant head fuc'''ks etc. .. sorry for the language but thats the picture....

Stop calling him and leave him be for now, the more u beg then the bigger his head will grow, my ex is going to be 40, yours is 37 or 36... they dont change and i am sorry to be the one to tell ya this...

Think about it very seriously but for the meantime please leave him be, u are hurting yourself constantly contacting him and like i said his head is getting big along with his ego while u feel like shit with the rejection...

Listen to someone who has been there, i listened to noone and went with my heart, my heart let me down and i should have listened to my head because to some degree i knew i was hooking up with the bad boy so i wasn't totally blind ....

Men are not the be all and end all of life, this man was my life to a huge degree, i dont know how i came out from it all unharmed .... dont be like me, go with your gut... you deserve more than a man who cheats hitting the bars on a regular basis... maybe you need to tell him he isnt 18 anymore and its time to stop having a midlife crisis and accept his ageing gracefully.....

Again, let him be...... if you do sincerely want a man of this calibre then you will scare him more by constant contact..... i would think about it hard as i say though because you dont want to be me, sittin home at 1am thinking damn, he must have gotten pissed again at soccer.... its no life.......

June 24, 2006
7:42 am
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taj64
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One thing to add is if you don't feel good about yourself then you are going to attract an unhealthy person. Lost, judging by his email to you and yours to him, you are begging for his love, and he doesn't show it, doesn't show compassion for your feelings. You seem like you have a supportive family and that your goal is to someday have a close knit family of your own. Thing in the long run that you will not get this with this guy that hurt you. When you start feeling better about yourself, you may find and attract a much healther man that is interested in having all the same things in life as you. You fell for a "player" and he is not interested in settling down nor will he be ready in a few weeks or even months. Don't wast precious time in your life when you are young and beautiful as you are with a big heart to give. The longer you stay away from him, the longer you give your heart to heal and the hurt will indeed fade. Give it the time and see what happens.

June 24, 2006
2:37 pm
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Anonymous
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Thank you everyone. Wll the last time I called him was before I talked to his mom. I haven't called him since. Evertyime I get a text message, my phone rings, or it sounds like someone is at my house I feel like throwing up. I am just waiting to come home and find my stuff on the front porch.

I came home last night and bawled my eyes out. My friends convinced me to get my sorry butt up and go out with them. It was kind of nice being out and people telling me I looked good or my bf is an idiot. It just felt good to get a bit of a self esteem booster. The bf bitched so much about me having guy friends I forgot othe rmen seem to think I am beautiful and most of all a fun nice person. It helped.

But this morning I had trouble facing the day. I slept in really late, plus i have seemed to catch a cold. Part of me feels so sad and part of me feels like this may be for the best.

I am scared though because I guess day by day you get slowly better but the last time I accepted things he waltzed back in my life with his I love you's. Its so hard to fight that off when you love that person and want to believe its going to work.

How do I make it through the rest of the days? I am supposed to go to a party at a friends house we were both invited to. Yesterday he said to go because he wasn't going. Do you think I should still go or would that be a bad idea?

June 24, 2006
2:41 pm
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1lost1
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(((feeling lost))) I am here for you sweetie.

June 24, 2006
2:51 pm
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Jenni
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Try to find things to occupy your time. It doesn't always mean to go out and party. Go shopping, join the gym, take up bowling, find a church, take long walks and absorb the scenery, and my all time favorite, GO SWIMMING!! I don't know about anyone else, but water is just MAGICAL to me! Weird, I know...

Anyway, there are many things you can do, once you set your mind to it! It's actually kind of exciting when you can view it as "opportunities" that were once left behind. NOW is the time to explore all of the things you've ever wanted, but never did!

(((FL)))

Jen

June 24, 2006
3:12 pm
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feelingfree
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Hi Feelinglost,

Just checking in to see how you are doing. I was so glad to read that you haven't contacted him, and that you went out with freinds- that's great!!

Good that you had a good cry, too... you need to let that out. You asked how you will get thru the days ahead.. just exactly how you've gotten thru the last few-- a minute at a time.

I agree with everyone here.. do nice things for yourself. What helped for me was to write a list of things I liked to do. Maybe give that a try?

Also glad to hear you got a self-esteem boost. Of course you're beautiful šŸ™‚ You are a strong, young woman, with your whole future ahead of you! Plenty of time to take care of yourself and pamper yourself.

I know you've had lots of books suggested to you, but this one is my absolute FAVORITE because it's really funny reading. "He's just not that into you" (the no-excuses truth to understanding guys). Written by a man- Greg Behrendt- so comes straight from the source. Some chapter titles:
1) Hes just not that into you if he's not calling you
2) He's just not that into you if he's breaking up with you
3) He's just not that into you if he's a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak
4) He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk
Hilarious- but true!

Keep us posted..
PS- Waiting to Exhale is a great movie to watch too!

June 24, 2006
5:31 pm
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Anonymous
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This hurts so bad, i feel like I could throw up and I cant eat šŸ™

June 24, 2006
5:41 pm
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smarterone
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FL
Im so sorry that you are going thru this. I remember times when i did, and I remeber thinking that I cant believe that i am feeling this sick physically over this guy. Like teenage love, u know, but it happens. I also know that it does go away, just one day you realize, I didnt think of him to day as much as usual. i hope that day comes soon for you. I know that you know what we are saying is true,and it hurts just reading it, but it is part of life, the crappy part. Unfortuately, i feel there are more crappy parts than good parts. So savour the good times and let this go by. If you go out and do somethings it will kill some time, and then another day is passed. So good luck sweetheart.

June 24, 2006
7:07 pm
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Anonymous
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Smarter, Thank you for being here. I am so mad at myself i just called him, thank god he did pick up. Why did i do that? GRRR

June 24, 2006
7:08 pm
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Jenni
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Did you mean he did pick up, or didn't?

June 24, 2006
7:48 pm
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Anonymous
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I am sorry meant didn't!

June 24, 2006
9:30 pm
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Jenni
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FL, it's very difficult to go NC. But please, find something to do, other than moping around your house, hanging your head and replaying all of the details in your head. Go somewhere, and LEAVE your phone at home.

Take some time for YOU and NOTHING else. Refresh your heart, soul and mind. Do things that you've always wanted to do, but never did.

(((FL))) Pick yourself up and DO THIS! Even if you don't want to, do it anyway. Force yourself back out there, and pretty soon, it will become natural, again!

All you can do is try...

Jen

June 25, 2006
8:16 am
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1lost1
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I know this sounds ridiculous FL but bet a pedicure or a manicure. For some reason the attention I get from it helps. I had never had a pedicure until about two months ago.

If the weather permits, just go outside. Go to a flea market.

I hope you are doing well sweets...1L1

June 25, 2006
11:47 am
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Anonymous
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Hi Everyone,
Thank you so much fo rthe support. I went out and had dinner with my friends last night. When I was done with dinner I put my phone in the trunk so I wouldn't call him.LOL
I tend to get itchy finger when I am in my car alone.

I woke up sad this morning and I cried a little bit. His mom had called me yesterday to see how I was. She told me I had to get tough with him and don't let him treat me this way. She she knows it hurts but hes not the only fish in the sea. Can you believe he told her the last time we broke up was because I was seeing someone else!!! She said he must have just been trying to find an excuse.

My two girlfriends just stopped by my house and they said they are proud of me I am doing much better then last time. Baby steps i guess...

June 25, 2006
12:52 pm
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Jenni
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Good job, FL!! You're beginning to move in the right direction!

June 25, 2006
5:30 pm
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Anonymous
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I feel so lonely šŸ™

June 25, 2006
6:13 pm
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Jenni
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Lonliness is a small price to pay for gaining self respect. You can do this, FL.

June 25, 2006
11:12 pm
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jeninnewmexico
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Hello feelinglost my name is jen and I've been following your plight . I agree with all the others that you deserve better.This sounds so much like a relationship my daughter is in and she has a baby from the guy! She does all the same things you said you do and he is just so indifferent and blase about the whole thing.It's just immaturity and selfishness on their part. They want to do what they want to do, and they don't care who they hurt.People who really care about you don't treat you like that.I proud of what you've done so far, keep it up and good luck.

June 25, 2006
11:19 pm
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Anonymous
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I feel so lost... I am sitting here crying my eyes out. My heart hurts, my head hurts everythimg hurts. Why does this happen, why do we have to hurt so much?? I just want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out!!!

June 26, 2006
7:25 am
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Anonymous
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Is anyone there? I really really need some support this morning. I just woke up for work this morning and I am hysterical. I am goign to be late for work but I need to get this put so I can manage to get dressed,,, I am thinking I am going to get to work and he is going to send me emails about breaking up or not breaking up. I don't know what to do. I am so scared and so devestated. How could he do this to me. Why did he do this to me? How am I ever make it through this?

I have feeling when I come hime today that all of my stuff will be at my house when I get home bc he can bring it here at lunch time and know he wont see me šŸ™ I just want to throw up, why is this happening?

June 26, 2006
9:05 am
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Anonymous
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anyone?

June 26, 2006
9:16 am
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feelingfree
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Hey feelinglost,

You will have days like this. Emotions tend to fly all over the place after a break up. It took me months to stop thinking about my ex.
Everyone says "it gets better", and I know that is not what you want to hear right now, but I promise you, it does.

Get dressed, go to work, try and focus on your job.. one step at a time, one minute at a time. Don't "futurize" in your mind (will he send e's, will my stuff be there..) Stay in the moment. Take things as they come.

Hang in there šŸ™‚

June 26, 2006
10:03 am
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Anonymous
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So I talked to him, grrr. he said he doesn't know what he wants, then he tells me he willl think about whether he wants to be with me. Then he asks me if I was out in a certain place this weekend because his friend saw me. Then he says how he saw a friend of hi ex-wife and she was bitching at him because he broke up with his ex-wife. The she was telliing him how ugly I am! You know I am not a super model but both men and women tell me how pretty and sweet I am... Now why would he tell me that? Then he asks me how I am feeling since I had a cold. Then he tries to have a normal conversation with me!

June 26, 2006
10:10 am
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Anonymous
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This is what he said:

says:
I DID RUN INTO A FRIEND OF My EXS ON FRIDAY NIGHT
says:
SHE STARTED BITCHING TO ME
says:
SHE IS MARRIED & WAS HITTING ON MY FRIEND BEFORE I CAME OUT
says:
SHE EVEN WENT FOR A RIDE ON HIS BIKE
says:
NEVER TOLD HIM SHE WAS MARRIED
says:
SHE DIDNT EVEN HAVE HER RING ON
says:
I KIND OF LEFT THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG FOR HER!
says:
LMAO!
says:
THAT IS WHEN SHE STARTED BITCHING AT ME FOR DUMPING MY EX
says:
SAYING HOW GREAT SHE IS ETC.
says:
SHE SAID YOU WERE UGLY
says:
AND I ACTED LIKE SHE WAS TLKING ABOUT MY EX
says:
SHE GOT REALLY MAD
says:
LMAO

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