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Taj & , I need you! I am turning into a Psycho
June 23, 2006
8:26 am
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Anonymous
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Is anyone there?

June 23, 2006
8:36 am
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taj64
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Hi. Im here. You're no pyscho. Just lost for now.

June 23, 2006
8:40 am
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Anonymous
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Taj, I freaked out last night.

June 23, 2006
8:41 am
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hi fl, whats going on, share yourself. Whats on your mind?

June 23, 2006
8:46 am
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taj64
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yeah what is going on? what has you freaked out?

June 23, 2006
8:47 am
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Anonymous
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Well mu bf went out again last night. So i decided to go out more for spite then anything (not good)
I havent really eaten the past two days because i have been stressed. So I had about 3 drinks and before u know it i was tipsy. So anyway i called my bf and he was out with other friends. I asked if he wanted to spend the night together when he got home. So he said he was spending time with his freinds. So then the whole cheating thing crept into my mind. I kept calling him and he would answer his phone, he called back and said he was just staying out with his friends. Then I got upset and started crying, then I started texting him. i acted like a maniac! He is pissed off at me and now I feel awful for bugging the hell out of him. Now he wont answer my calls or respond to my emails

June 23, 2006
8:49 am
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I know this sounds so insignificant but I don't know why I act like this. He makes me feel like I am the biggest piece of crap for bugging him last night. I have spent the whole morning appologizing with no response from him....

June 23, 2006
8:55 am
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I feel like i could cry. To top things of this morning I stoped by his house to appologize and he was kind of indifferent. Then when I was walking out i tripped of a part for his motorcycle, stepped on it and broke it. I just put it my car I couldn't handle telling him I broke it. he will just use it as another thing against me. I am going to see if I can buy the part online, and just give him the nonbroken peiece,

June 23, 2006
8:56 am
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taj64
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Sorry to hear that. I think the alcohol intensified your feelings that are already stressful to begin with. But don't be so hard on yourself. It is pretty typical to be desperate when you don't know what is going on and he isn't communicating with you, doesn't want to, and you do. Don't feel awful though. This cheating feeling you have is really stuck with you and until you can overcome it, the relationship is going to crumble. I don't believe that this relationship is healthy for you. It is very hard to let go. You cannot make your bf do anything nor can you control this situation and the lack of it is really hurting you. The only person that you can control is yourself. You've got to think long term and realize that in the long run, you will be a happier person if you concentrate on yourself and learn to be happy with yourself. Dont feel bad, you tried. Try to stay away from drinking cause that will only make you feel bad especially if you don't eat. Then you end up feeling like crap and intensifying how bad you already feel. This boy, I have to call him boy cause he doesn't seem like a man to me, he is running around doing his thing. He cannot give you what you want and need. Please think that you deserve better than this treatment.

June 23, 2006
8:59 am
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Jenni
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I hope it's ok to add my 2 cents worth here, FL. But for me, when I would drink, it brought out all of my weaknesses and emotions. It provided me with false courage.

We all make mistakes, and we learn from them. You told him you were sorry. So I would stop there. There is only a need to say it once. That way, it will seem more meaningful. If he chooses to accept your apology, he will eventually come around. But don't beat yourself up with this. We've all been there, honey! So forgive yourself, first.

(((FL))) It'll be ok. 😉

Jen

June 23, 2006
9:05 am
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Listen, we all do that one time or another in our life. Just pick up and go on. Like jen said, you apologized once, if he respects you thats all that is needed. You want to beg his forgiveness? If he didnt go out, this wouldnt happen. Anyway, about the bike part, i dont blame you for not saying anything and i hope you find the part easily. This relationship doesnt seem to be getting you the best things in life. Why are you settling for his bull. Take care of yourself. You are strong.

June 23, 2006
9:08 am
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I think there is something wrong with me. I am getting upset because he is ignoring me. I just want him to say something. We are supposed to have plans tonight, he will probably use this against me and say he doesn't want to see me because he is mad.

June 23, 2006
9:19 am
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1lost1
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FL, I have done the same thing you did. In a moment of desperation, the heart takes over and the mind takes a backseat.

Taj is right, you cannot make him do anything. I am one that will say or do something and then try too apologize but make mistakes by apologizing. It is how we try to have control of the situation.

We can only control us. A hard concept to swallow but it is the truth.

((((FL))))1L1

June 23, 2006
9:56 am
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Why do I do this to myself? I am so deperate to keep my bf, I have lost/comprimised so much. I stopped taking my prozac about 2 months ago, maybe I should start taking it again. The only time I act like a crazy person is when it comes to this relationship.

June 23, 2006
9:56 am
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FL,

I remember reading about your situation a few months back. It was identical to my situation with my ex-bf. He went out all the time with his friends and while he was out, he made NEW "friends" (with several women). I felt the same way you do. He was a master Charmer/Abuser and made me feel CRAZY. I was not crazy and neither are you!!!! Your gut is telling you that he cannot be trusted and that he is up to no good because it's most probably true!! Trust your intuition and cut this guy loose. He is using you and I'd bet if you did some checking around, he's got several other women "on the line" at this very moment. A good place to start would be with the one that you found out about a while back. I'm SURE he's been in contact with her.

It will hurt to find out the truth because we want so badly to believe they love us... and they do love us as much as they are capable of loving someone... unfortunately, it's not the way WE need to be loved. They cannot give us what we need.

Stop the madness, FL! I've been reading your posts over the past week or so and you are twisting yourself into a pretzel to try and make sense of something that is senseless. He is not the person you need him to be. Period.

It hurts like hell... but the sooner you see the truth, the sooner you can move forward with your life.

Sorry for your pain....

TC

June 23, 2006
10:51 am
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I asked him if we were going to do something tonigh and this is what he said!!!!!!!

him:I think I just need to be alone tonight.............
I really need to think about things. I was really freaked out when I rolled over this morning and you were there.

Me:I just stopped by to say I was sorry, I felt horrible. Please don't be mad, I was going to surprise you and make u breakfast. I thought you would be happy to see me. I wont just stop by if it upsets you. I will respect your privacy

him:

I just need to be alone. I think we are moving to fast.
the just showing up (not sure when you did) was not cool. I was really really freaked out.
Maybe we will talk tomorrow or something (I will call u).

June 23, 2006
10:57 am
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taj64
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Hi Lost, Im on here until I leave in 20 minutes. But you are worrying me. This guy clearly DOES NOT WANT YOU and is using you. You're turning too needy and apologetic and you keep saying sorry to this guy. Why do you want a man that you are going to have apologize to continusouly. Let me repeat THIS MAN DOES NOT WANT YOU. He is using you. He wants you at his convenience. And you are appearing to be going overboard with him. You're a wonderful person, please don't throw your life away on this man. You're going to get hurt even more and your are hurting yourself. You're too good to hurt yourself like this.

June 23, 2006
11:00 am
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Thats what I mean Taj I am pathetic. Why do I put up with this? How did I become like this? This relationship has left me with no self esteem. i dont know what to do anymore

June 23, 2006
11:01 am
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i dont know how to get out, i feel like i am a horrible person and no one else will love me

June 23, 2006
11:03 am
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now i just got this from him....

Well, then it is probably better if you just find someone else. I think I just rushed into stuff to much & this isn't what I am looking for yet.
I am the kind of person that just needs to have his own free time a lot & I really don't have enough time for other people. I like to be on the go
& I don't like to plan to much in advance. I think it will be better this way. For both of us.........

June 23, 2006
11:04 am
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1lost1
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You are not alone FL. I have to say the minute by minute existance is all we can do at this stage.

June 23, 2006
11:07 am
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I'm sorry FL...

He is telling you that he does not want to be with you. BELIEVE HIM! Please try not to have anymore contact with him right now. It will make you appear pathetic and you are NOT pathetic!!!!

Nothing good will come out of further communication with him at this time. Please read the 2b's thread about Dr. B. I posted a very good article about commitment-phobia. Maybe you'll be able to relate to some of it.

You are not alone!!! ((((FL))))))

TC

June 23, 2006
11:08 am
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how can he do this to me again? I was there for him through the divorce, I was there for him when his gradmother got sick, even after he cheated on me. i forgave him and belived he loved me.

June 23, 2006
11:14 am
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1lost1
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FL, he is showing you his true self. Walk away! It hurts lots. Trust me, I know.

If he has shut down then there is no way you can bring him back. I am learning this the hard way.

I am walking away. It sucks!! The panic feeling of being alone is awful. It will get better, you have to believe that, I have to believe that.

Listen to Tc....

June 23, 2006
11:23 am
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hi FL, I forgot your story, what your BF has been up to before. He's the flirty kind? I agree with TC, he's not the guy you want him to be and I hope you're able to move on. I'm sorry i forgot your story.

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