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Symptoms of a Dry Drunk or Just a Manipulative Pity Party????
August 8, 2005
1:01 am
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sewunique
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Hi All,

I have just been reading one of the threads about the signs of doing drugs. This has me thinking about the ex, who was/is a 'dry drunk'. Since I do not know much about drug use and alcoholism was something I just learned couple years ago when attended Al-Anon meetings, I thought I'd ask here for any input.

About the time I started attending the Al-Anon meetings, or maybe before(?), not sure about when, but the ex (then we were still married and on very shaky grounds), he started some odd behaviors.

These behaviors (with other oddities he would say), were things that made me suspect that he started drinking again. I never could get close enough for a hug or kiss, so never was able to smell if it was on his breathe or not. But what I did find was he had purchased two bottles of cologne that resembled Bay Rum and something else. It was the cheapest most puwtred smell. When he used to put on the Cologne, it stunk up the house from downstairs to the upstairs. I checked his bathroom, and found the bottles of cologne.

Now WHY would anyone who swore they converted to non drinking for 23 years, buy anything that resembled booze?

Getting suspicious of his possible drinking, just his behavior, by the way, I started to keep track of amount he used of the Cologne bottles. (Crazy, huh? Belive me, it was a crazy time in the marriage). The amount he used each day went down so quickly, I even thought; "maybe he was drinking it?" I know, bad thoughts, but it was a bad time of his crazy making and gas lighting stuff then, which I can see now.

One day, I told him, "that cologne you're using really stinks and is so strong. I can't imagine what the other teachers and your students must think with you smelling like that." He stopped wearing it right after I said that.

The house smelled so bad from it, I wonder if he was pouring it into the sink for some reason to make the smell stronger?

I have wondered about this one. It is a crazy thing to do and I cannot understand it. Was he just trying to get me to think he started drinking again for sympathy? Or what?

Oh, I was counting all my med's at the time too, especially my oxycodone; the Brett Far.. pill everyone in Wis says is the best. He said he thought it was great stuff, ummmm, and I had found out my sister in law had given him a bottle of her leftovers for his aches. Now really, he never had any reason for the use of it and never had a Doc's script for any either, so he didn't need it in my eyes and I see that as abuse.

I had a script for it for my arthritis that I used only with flare ups, maybe once or twice a year. So having heard his story on that one, I began to count my pills to see if he was using. Or, just another R.. story of exaggeration???

Anyone have any experience in this behavior or dry drunk syndrome? It baffles me to no end and would appreciate any input .I am just trying to put to rest some pieces of the puzzle of my past abuse experience. Maybe some of it is starting to bother me again, cuz now the divorce is over, now he is in contact with me and seems games are being played all over again as we swap the car titles, mail, and other stuff back to each other as needed????

Thanks for ANY ideas,

~SewUnique~

August 8, 2005
1:56 am
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keepin on
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My ex husband smoked alot of pot and all people I know who smoke pot some how think that putting a ton of cologne on masked the smell. In reality they smell like a person who just smoked a joint and then bathed in cologne so they fool no one. Now if drinking, it could be the same. But I would think tic-tacs or constant brushing of the teeth more likely. Who knows. Maybe he just really tinks he smells good. This is what we mean by driving yourself crazy and you'll never really know and so what if you do? Then what? Read as much as you can about detachment and try to understand it as much as possible. It's tough, but a very neccesary survival tecnique for those who stay. Good luck. Keep posting. This board is informative and very supportive.

August 8, 2005
3:08 am
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ACryForHelp
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Well, as long as he doesn't have custody/visitation with any kids then I think that is isn't your problem anymore now that you are broken up.

Keep going to the Alc-a-non meeting and worry about YOUR OWN HEALTH and nothing more!

If he's being stupid - by EITHER drinking again when he KNOWS he has a problem OR doing stupid stuff for pitty - then there is NOTHING you can do to change him.

Getting involved will just give him pleasure that you are worring and bought his BS!

My mother (& her whole family) was addicted to drugs and booze and they were all lost causes...

If you pittied them they soaked up the attention, if you tried to HELP them they got angry and denied there was a problem at all...

There is nothing you can do to stop his self destructive behavior so if he keeps digging the hole you need to stop trying to throw him a ladder! It will only hurt you in the long run...

Good luck, and I wish you the best no matter what you decide to do!

August 8, 2005
5:05 am
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sewunique
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Perhaps I need to explain a bit more clearly here? I am not planning on getting involved. Although at this time there are some loose ends we have to finish from a long term marriage of 18 years.

Also, I am just trying to get a grip on the odd behaviors from before. This does help when we go thru the healing process and in sorting things out for what they were and were not.

It helps in identifying the situations, which I have done in the past few months that I have been here.

Thanks for your input.

Sew

August 9, 2005
9:23 am
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sewunique
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Just wodering here. after divorce of an 18 year marriage, am feeling really like I'm sinking here. Thinking about writing a letter to the ex and just telling him all I wanted to say about his games and abuse that I never had a chance to say, then during the divorce process and now he is playing more games as we wrap up loose items.

for today's roll call.............think I will not show up and just pull the covers back over my head.

I mean to really send the letter; not one you write and then burn that therapy suggests. He has never been held accountable for his behaviors. and the pictures? They sit here and glare the unjustices back at me that he got away with it all. Damn.

Sew Low

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