Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
SUSPICIOUS BUT LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEXT DAY OF MY LIFE
July 8, 2007
6:11 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, time for a new thread!

ALL OR NOTHING THINKING

I have often derailed from my progress route in codependency because Of this. I would like to discuss it. Of course I´ll bring along the kitties, can´t live without them any longer.

Would you come over and check on us?

Tks,

hugs,

July 8, 2007
6:59 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Got it, thanks hon/Sini!!! Yea, I once heard something like a monkey looks like a deer in his mom's eye.

July 15, 2007
6:13 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ras, I believe the lack of sun is only good when we´re hibernating. Of course, I need to open up my mind! Having a piece of your cake and company was a great alternative :)If you wanna give olive oil to your kitty, its suggested you put it over the pet food. I wouldnt be surprised though if you manage to slip it in PP´s mouth since you do it with vaseline.

I thought we had posted after this, of course I must be dreaming. Im not surprised, Im a little aloof lately. Winter brings me the blues and the memory loss. Gotta watch myself.

Went to my older sis´s BD. It was a little noisy. My house´s a mess, kitties defying my schedule for cleanliness and order by dropping vases, breaking coffepot and turning garbage. Then my younger sis, children (8 and 6) and my godchild (14 y.o.) came over to see the cats. My sis started folding my clothes, kids getting dirty outside on the ground (mildew on tiles) despite the cold. Some confusion. Finally as I nap and sulk, a friend and her gaughter/my student come over to see the cats. As if I deserved a friendly visit. This is life and its good. I wish I were more appreciative but Im alert to my feelings. And the culprit is my cold toes, the not so sunny days. Now I promise to myself I´ll plan some fun in the cold. One needs to put the fun in life, it wont show up by itself - unless you have nice friends and luck, as I do, right? Im taking a week off classes and my friend wants to go to a museum or two. Sounds good after all.

Hope the wet days in the Northwest are coming to an end! I offer you hot cocoa and butter cookies since Ive finished Ras´ cake!

July 15, 2007
8:23 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hmmmmmmmm thanks that's just what I needed hon I love cookies and we're having cool and fresh summer this year. I will actually gonna fix myself a hot cocoa. Well, Sinni, I am glad you're having a company of people around you. Sis and her kids. I love that!!!

For you cold feet, you may rub them with some Vaseline. Since Vas is very greasy take just a small know and massage your feet and then wear thick warm wool socks when you sleep. I'm doing this in some cool nite right now when summer has arrived here. Can you believe that.

Lucky you, I wish I could have a holiday for just a few days or even one week.

I had a cute hair cut yesterday by a Portuguese hairdresser and that made me think about you. Funny how many things and people make me think about you hon. This hairdresser, my neighbour from Uruguay with whom we get along very well with each other. I love kind and loving neighbours. It's really important we as recovering folks to be surrounded by kind people. The other day we were chatting on the balcony and he said that he was gonna give me half of a pot planter and I told him that he was most welcome to have some herbs from my own lil patio garden. These are good folks and we need always to surround ourselves with folks as such.

Went to church today and felt empowered for having to face my fears rather than run or avoid them as I used to do b4. See Sini...I'm growing and changing for the better. How exciting is that!!!!

July 17, 2007
8:02 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Aww, (((Ras)))!

Youre a growing loving person! Its only natural and deserving that you find people like you to be around.

I need to find my way to church. The one I liked centered me enough for me to keep the focus on my growth. Otherwise life is too hectic for us to stop and ponder. I did manage to medidate some at yoga. Not doing that either.

Its interesting how we remember and imagine the people here. The fact that we think about each other out of here is what makes it nice.

Im a bit depressed since real winter arrived. Ill think about the vaseline thing though Im lucky to be able to wear comfy and warm shoes or sneakers and most of the time they do the trick. I hate to feel cold. My older sis says I dress down to the feet, meaning my shoes are the worst complement, he he.

I also got upset with Frisky over the damages hes done. Lastly, he toppled / dropped a vase. I knew hes not to blame. I knew the honeymoon wouldnt last. But I hope the kitties calm down a bit. Right now theyre running after each other. They eat together, lick each other and both know how to turn off my monitor by stepping on the cables. I gotta do something about that.

July 18, 2007
6:37 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ive been resting and thinking. Since I didnt have vacation last year, this week Im taking it easy! Canceled classes. I was sinking too fast for my taste. Other than being cold and that getting me down, yesterday there was a TAM airplane accident 2 hours from here in Sao Paulo with a about 200 casualties which is also a downer. I actually heard of the accident as I turned the radio for music to cheer me up :O. I knew a nice guy who was in the plane. He worked very hard to get his dad´s company internationally recognized and now this. My brother almost married his sister. I feel for the family. I knew them all. The downward spiraling thoughts kept coming full force. Basic as "whats the meaning of life?", "how must my 80 yo aunt be feeling as she hears this having lost a son in an airplane crash?", etc, etc.

Then I realized, this is it. How can I feel better if my thoughts arent aligned with the force?! I started to capture my thoughts. One was that now I dont have a role in my kitties´lives anymore. They play with each other, lick each other and are always together. I felt the pang of a mother whose children leave home. I questioned my motivation in finding a partner for Frisky. Getting rid of him? Not really, but I felt I wasnt up to speed in playing with him. Then I thought of the truth and lies of this. The pros and cons of such thinking as done in Cognitive Therapy. Kitties are happy. I did them some good. I ought to have a life independent of the kitties, right? Plus they like to be around me still, otherwise they would not come and lie down next to me. As I lay and slept since Monday, I sensed them coming and sniffing at me. I wondered if they wanted to see if I was breathing! Anyways, they came, checked on me, that was good. I have a blanket I put especially for them on my bed and as they come I just have to wave my hand and they go lie down on my feet coz I dont let them on my pillow, They dust the house too much, my Oh my they do! I remember a lady said she read this post to see how the Kitty story was going, what would tell people like her and me? Is it worth having the pulse of cats in the house even if they bring up a lot of dust? Should I have stuck with one?

One other negative thought is that I can´t handle that neighbor of mine who insists in hinting at sleeping with me. That blunt. Last time he didn’t just shake my hand, he scratched the palm of my hand with his finger which is that blunt. His girlfriend was there with a supplier, imagine that! I just said he doesn’t know how to greet someone and his girlfriend agreed. (I usually complain he shakes my arm too much - what else does she knows?) I think next time I may ask him in front of his girlfriend what I should do about this “friend” who wants to sleep with me but has a serious girlfriend. That might make him abide by what he says. You think? I don’t want anyone getting hurt.

Having gone to my older sis 50th BD also brought some bad feelings. I can´t pin point them exactly other than to say that the lives of my sieblings are not what I dreamed it would be. The family life is also very restricted affectionately. We are all so different and apart. Her life revolves a lot around image and appearances. She sweats for that, I imagine. I feel sorry for myself that I didn’t built my life financially like hers but even sadder for her who on top has a lot of control from hubbie.

There must be some other negative thoughts in the dark dusty corners of my mind. Something related to the students. Whether Im gonna manage it all. If its any good sign from above for my business, today I decided I would get up, dress and eat. Soon after I ate, I had a potential student at my door, and after that, the installer from the phone co. got the phone connected (I just asked for it yesterday). Plus Monday another potential student (and a good one too) made an inquiry.

So all in all, thank HP for everything! And thank you for being here!

hugs,

July 18, 2007
7:10 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

PS: Did I mention negative thoughts about my younger sis? I am still disappointed that she led me on about helping me get things I need (heater, dental work, glasses) but didnt make it a consistent reality (she helped me by buying meds on her card which her hubby paid).

Then I got a money gift that didnt come up to what I expected in order to get a business sign, computer fixed, etc.

Very codep :O

July 19, 2007
4:52 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Still going crazy! Wondering if the kitties will settle a little after they are grown. Whether fencing in my stove, sink and fridge is the only way I´ll have the kitchen back. What I found out is that I need to cuddle my kitties once in a while. Otherwise there is no benefit in the cost they create. Just feeding and cleaning them is no way to relate to them. My cuddling bank needs deposits and withdrawals - its that mathematical :O

Where did the last 4 days go? How I slept! One to two days due to a sleeping med. I liked the rest. But I need to know there are solutions to my problems. On the other hand, some solutions come as we "pray with the feet moving" and as we "get over the hills that block new horizons". You know, I feel cold and hide in bed and the solutions dont come up. Im glad I havent gotten that much more depressed. Tomorrow got to be a different day! Any gentle kicks and suggestions appreciated.

hugs,

July 20, 2007
12:24 am
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey sini - wrote to you on my thread :o)

July 20, 2007
4:13 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey, Shaney, willl check.

I confess, Friday is wasted. I feel like crying sometimes. Other times like keeping on sleeping and resting away. It just dawned on me its not lack of strength I have for clean up and doing things, its lack of energy. Thats when I felt like crying. I couldnt believe how insidiously depression creeps in. Definitely coming home to a dirt vase on the floor that Frisky dropped was the needle on my camel´s back. I felt like Frisky won, so Im actually dealing with the issue of control now. Co-habitating doesnt have to involve control. But Im just learing... With two cats!

July 20, 2007
4:19 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Shaney - This is what Shaney wrote me.
19-Jul-07

Hey there sini :o)

I've just been busy - I haven't run away! I've been gone here and there - out of town to visit my dad, going to see my mom next week, and going away this weekend with my h. I've read your posts though, and I see that you're beginning to doubt your decisions again. The way I see this, is that you've been down and depressed before, and it was a HECK of a lot worse than what you're experiencing now. Is that true, or am I misreading your thoughts? You had a hard time recovering before, and getting yourself back on track.... but this time, you're still moving forward regardless of your doubts. That's still progress as far as I'm concerned. You have pulled yourself out of a very dark place in the past... and this place that you're in right now, doesn't seem as dark. We all have down periods where even the mere thought of tackling our responsibilities, seems impossible. We eventually find that spark that we need to get our fires going again, and we pass through the down period. I think you're going to pass through this, just like before..... actually BETTER than before. You've got the tools and heart to do so now, more than ever before. Don't sell yourself short - you continue to improve. You're allowed to have down times - don't be so hard on yourself. Haven't you proven to yourself by now, that you can get through them?

Maybe it's time for a short vacation, or weekend away? I was going to ask you..... do any of your students need a part time job? How about having them help you to clean your place in exchange for lessons? Just a thought.

Hang in there :o)

July 20, 2007
4:40 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cool Shaney! You find just the right words to deal with my negativity! Of course Ive been in a much harder place before, right? And youre right, Im skidding back a bit but Im still moving forward.

My younger sis would say Im finding excuses to get depressed. Then I think Im a bummer who doesnt want to clean up or immature not to realize cleaning up once a week is not forever! I even thought too much about the TAM plane crash with about 200 victims which took a friend of the family and a coworker of my sis. Why does misery like company?! I actually tuned in the radio for music to get in a better music only to hear the sensationalistic breaking news of reporters in the site of the crash. You know, the guy friend who died was nice, well off, having worked to get his dad´s company off the roadside to an intl setting... its hard not to think... what´s the meaning of life? What for this and that? You know?

Now trying to get to the root of this last depression "mini" crisis I spoke of the control issue. WHat do you all think? Why cant I be at peace that I clean and that I have to keep clenaing to the end of my days? It scares me too cuz as I get older my back will only hurt more! I cant get down on my knees either, will have to get a cushion for those hard to reach spots.

What a good idea about the student! One that cleans for what I teach him/her. I could even have the student, a young lady who could work with me in the cleaning actually. What could be better?

Shaney, sorry to say, I did take my vacation. As as opposed to what the psychologist suggested, I slept and rest. Too cold to go anywhere imho.

Anyway, got a little money stuffed for emergency and this is an emergency as big as my house. Rescue is coming, a cleaning lady will refer me another. So if I do as I will I will spread away the rest of the dust in this house from each carpet and shoe to from under the shelves to every nook and cranny there is and then tk HP there is such a thing as a vac.

Tks, again, Shaney, for your words!

July 21, 2007
11:52 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Can you all believe this? My house is still a mess, and Im still depressed. Got pulled out of bed by the door bell, two new students, will begin Aug 4th. I beg I get to deserve a good cleaning lady now and then with the extra $.

I am second guessing my strentgh. Just remembering what Shaney said about this time. Depression... should pass. Well, this is the 5th day in bed but with very little anxiety! Note: I did the laudry... Cuz tomorrow itll rain. Heck, it looks like the house wont come down as I foresaw. Nothing that a modest clean up cant scare away. Then the students´ materials... I guess one day at a time. Making the house catproof, well, the kitties will get big... maybe 6 months deal, and settle down. Hmm, maybe not totally. Frisky still climbs up windows when his ansey (sp). No money for health... will cross the bridge when I get tp it.

The move is going forward, Shaney, Im going out for an outing with a friend some lecutre on recycling. LL, Ill take a shower before!

Love,

S

July 21, 2007
12:14 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I need to tell someone that I found out that my friend is gone ahead already to help with the lecture. ... getting cold feet again literally and otherwise.

July 21, 2007
4:20 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Im a disappointment! How can I be ready for tomorrow? Not figuratively, tomorrow Im thinking of going to the service at Christian Science. Even the psychologist advised me to get some religion in my life. I have quite good health in general but my energy level is minus something. Maybe I get to know the praticists.

Kitties are all woken up from the naps they took while I read... Gotta check their litter and food. If it werent for them, would I have gotten out of bed?..

Finished a kinda cheap romance. May have some instant soup. Otherwise Im going to bed w/o dinner, nor shower. When I wake up Ill try eat sth and take med´s.

I wish I had a Gimminy Cricket to tell me to do the things I know I have / need / want to do! So codep!

July 21, 2007
6:54 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MY mind is skidding and I forgot I have a new thread..

ALL OR NOTHING THINKING

How´s that for losing it?

Sorry. Take a look at the thread and please post there for me. Tks!

hugs,

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
30
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110978
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714262
Newest Members:
brianwolfe, swright, nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information