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Survival of the Afghan....Sisters Live On.....
November 2, 2006
12:00 pm
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ggfred4
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I don't want to invite anyone to my pity party okay....

November 2, 2006
12:02 pm
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ggfred4
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it is nothing bad...just a bunch of stuff

November 2, 2006
12:05 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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If I come through this computer I am gonna smack ya. I love you, and I want you to talk to me. I didn't ask to be invited, I am looking to crash the damn thing....NOW talk to me...PLease. GG, c'mon. I love you and I am here for you and when you hurt, I hurt. Please talk to me...Did I do anyhting to hurt you?

November 2, 2006
12:06 pm
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ggfred4
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okay, okay, not trying to make you mad, it just everyday shit, okay...not stuff like you are going through or LL, or need, or cyndra, OKAY???

November 2, 2006
12:12 pm
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ggfred4
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YOU DID NOTHING THIS IS WHAT IS GOING ON TODAY:

still having the cluster headaches and can't get into dr. until the 13th and they haven't called me back w/more medicine or what to do

now have a damn sinus infection on top of that...sneezed all day yesterday, sore throat, sinus pressure, and green crap coming out of my nose today (graphic enough!)

son in college called yesterday, car broke, just out of warranty, had to be towed, just got called this a.m. $740 to fix...there goes the credit card again...Last week my daughter's car cost us $150 dollars. Add that to the new dishwasher this weekend, this is all in one week...

some snobby women at work are getting to me...

woke up again, wrote you in the middle of night on twin thread

just don't feel well that's all mich,,,just hate having to work with all this with a fake smile on my face and struggling to do the job well...it is hard...

so I was having my own inner pity party, when you called for the checkin and knew I had better!!!

see, it is just stuff...didn't want to bother anyone here...

November 2, 2006
12:14 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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You aren't making me mad. Now stop it...Don't act like you aren't going through anything big either sis...because you ARE. I was not born yesterday. I know what came out of you last week, and I KNOW that it doesn't go away overnight. LL, is still holding hers all in (because she is stubborn) but she will let it out. Being hurt is something that we are all very afraid of GG. But we will never learn to love and trust if we don't start. We will never learn to talk if we don't start. We have spent three weeks or close to it, discovering what freedoms that can bring, and how nice it is to be able to trust, and yet, yes, we still have fears GG. We aren't going to be better in 2-3 weeks. Period. Have any one of us said, oh what GG is going through is minimal in comparison? NO WE HAVE NOT. NEVER. We all have everyday shit that makes us crazy. What you need to remember is that all the evreyday little shit WILL turn into a big thing if you don't talk about it. And where better to share it than here. I don't want to be here today, I was afraid that everyone hated me. BUT, I got the answer I was looking for today, and I am learning that I am too hard on myself...just like some twin of mine. I am a good person GG, and I KNOW that my heart is in the right place. Please talk to me. I love you and I care about you, and I don't want you to carry your load alone. Just like LL. Or any of our sisters. I still haven't heard from the one that I was mean to last night either. That makes me insecure...but I am still here. I love you

November 2, 2006
12:18 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Do you feel better now that it is out. GG, that is a lot of shit for any one person. Financial hardship is hard on people. It causes a lot of stress...we don't have money, and I just accept that. Life isn't easy honey, but why do you keep trying to walk this road alone...you don't have to. I am here..and you have several other sisters that care. I am sorry that I wasn't there in the midle of the night for you...I did post to you about that. I felt bad that you were alone again...

November 2, 2006
12:23 pm
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ggfred4
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Thanks mich, you made me feel so much better and you are so right...I want your love and acceptance and don't want to mess up...I know it is being codependent...learning about it...I am afraid mich...afraid people won't like me for me...afraid that I will annoy them...afraid that I will sound like a whiny baby...so I hold things in trying to make people happy. You are right...For the first time mich, I am seeing hope...I think if we all keep reassuring each other and keep being here for each other, we won't let things pile up...but yes, it is going to take time,,,,and yes, I am going to need you big time to help me like you just did....Love you twin!...Can you come teach about the effects of the Louisiana Purchase on the rest of the Americas for me???

November 2, 2006
12:29 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Can't teach what I don't know honey...Sorry. History was never there for me...If it ain't happening now, or it doesn't involve people that I genuinely care about, or have influenced my past in some way... I just don't care....I know that sounds horrible but that is as honest as I come.

November 2, 2006
12:30 pm
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ggfred4
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gotta go teach it feeling really crappy, check back at lunch

November 2, 2006
12:31 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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love you sister....

November 2, 2006
1:16 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, doctor just called, i can't believe all the meds they want me to take...5 for the cluster headaches including a steroid pack...Now I am worrying about the cost...

November 2, 2006
1:58 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Gg, c'mon honey...right now you have to find a way to do what is best for you. GG, you have to control the headaches so you can function...I love you. I am so sorry for all the financial stress.....

I am holding you close...

Mich

November 2, 2006
2:01 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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LL, here you go.

“wonder how much I will be able to get in here before the exH factor comes back....tried this a.m. to get in a quick "hello, I'm going to bed...be back later " to you all but he was right behind me...don't know what the heck his problem is, and then last night, he slept in my bed (I was at work) and he's never done THAT before...I'll finish this crap up later about my life.”

“And if he touches me one more time- I'm going to snap...I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I try my best not to do anything to anybody that is wrong, I just try to live my life as a good decent person, why do I have to feel this way? WTF “

“Not sure where I lost you in confusion about my ex or me… Let’s see if I can clear up a little confusion: The ex and I are not , have not been *together* since 97’, and will never be *together* again. The problem is that he does not quite get this…”

“I didn't want to include that my exH had rape me, it was humiliating to even admit to myself that the man I married, and the father to my children was/is such a creep – can’t think of a better word at the moment but I know there is one for him…Anyhow once I was able to say those words - it didn't belong to me anymore and placed the shame, embarrassment on rightly on him.”

These were my clues….

November 2, 2006
2:23 pm
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ggfred4
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okay, trying not to cry for my big sis here at work...LL, we are so sorry...

Sisters, you know that I bought a new watch from St.Judes Hospital that says hope on the face and that I would love for all of you to have one...I think I will share my watch along with afghan and now LL, i want you to wear it, okay?

Mich, thank you for helping me today, I love you! I hope I helped you last night...

Are you still holding me too? feeling so crappy, need reassurance...big wuss gg here...

November 2, 2006
2:26 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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You aren't a wuss, and of course I am still holding you....

yes you helped me last night. I was a mess, and you helped to calm me down.

I admit, not hearing from Cyn today is making me nervous. That isn't normal...usually she is one of the first to post in the morning...I am sad.

My daughter is watching a baby story and it is making me sad...

I love you GG. NEVER forget that.
Mandy

November 2, 2006
2:30 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, be honest, would you rather me call you mich or mandy???

November 2, 2006
2:33 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I don't think about it and just sign with my name...Mich is fine...when I sign with Scared, you know it is a bad day...Or I am having a rough time...

November 2, 2006
2:57 pm
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ggfred4
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sweetie,I already knew that! Do you remember me when i just went by gg? P&L figured me out and made me, yes, made me sign it GG... I use lower case always to sign my names because I felt I didn't deserve caps...like a lower status person...such low self esteem...

November 2, 2006
3:09 pm
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cyndra820
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Hello Everyone,

I'm sorry I haven't posted until just now.

(((Mich))) I love you too!!! You didn't offend me or hurt me. My concern was you. My ego wasn't bruised nor were my feelings hurt, but thank you. You are my sister. Granted YOUNGER sister, but still my sister.

(((GG))) I'm so sorry that the headaches are awful and you've got bitchy co-workers. I was pissed off yesterday that I was actally ready to fight!! I haven't had a fight in forever, but this woman made me so mad I called her the C-word. I didn't say it to her, but I surely would have loved to!!!
Love you!!! Think you are a wonderful woman and a great teacher.

(((LL)))
I'm hoping you're doing better. What Mich posted pissed me the f*** off!! I want to rip his head off and then drag him behind my truck!!! How dare he!!! That bastard!!! Yes, I'm mad!! He put his hands on MY sister?! Who the f*** does he think he is?!! Let me at him!!!

Yes, I care dammit and anyone who doesn't get that can go ride a bike into a river. River because they don't need to come back to this thread.

(((Need)))
I love Mandy!!! Can she come to my house? I lost my beloved Scottie, Kerri, two years ago to cancer. She was eleven. I still miss that little dog. I loved her a lot, but then I fall in love with my pets.

I wrote to you on the No Contact thread. I hope you get a chance to read it. I support you 100%. If you need to talk I'll try to make myself available. Sometimes when I get home I go to work out or study and don't get to check the site until later. I'll check when I first get home. I love you too, sis.

Well, I'll head back to work now. Just took a wee break.

Love,
Cyndra

November 2, 2006
3:13 pm
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ggfred4
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I still want to type gg instead of GG, because I feel like gg and because it is easier, but I am afraid she may just pop in on me!!! She did that once, scared the shit out of me!!!

That reminds me, something else you and I have to think about...we are reading typed words and do NOT know the TONE of the words sent...We can easily misinterpret the meaning...do you know what I mean??? This is something that I have to remind myself of...Of course LL, love to do the caps and bold thing which really gets the message across...

I miss my LL sister...

Mich, what would happen, if I couldn't find any of you one day...never thought about it...omg...I could have a panic attack now just thinking,,,omg...

November 2, 2006
3:15 pm
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ggfred4
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Hey cyndra, so glad you wrote,,,my twin needed to hear from you...so glad to have a tough sister, yea...

what is the "c" word? Told you guys that I grew up with no cursing and don't know a lot of words...Teach me, mich and cyndra, please????

November 2, 2006
3:44 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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cunt would be my guess....

Thank you for posting Cyn. I needed to hear from you...

November 2, 2006
3:58 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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gg,
Almost never can you not reach one of us. Maybe the middle of the night. But sweetie, then you hold on till one of us shows up.

Speaking of LL, it is 4 here, where the heck is she at? Sleeping would be good, but hello....check in sweet sister...

LOVE YOU ALL
Mich

November 2, 2006
4:07 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, thought you were central time zone?

still thinking about no one around on the site, omg...

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