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Survival of the Afghan....Sisters Live On.....
November 1, 2006
7:30 pm
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ggfred4
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Mich, please...you aren't answering me on the other thread...LL, I am scared...mich wrote it,,,we need to talk...i don't know what to do...everything has gone crazy,,,i don't care about me, i just need to know that she is okay, help...

November 1, 2006
7:31 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks GG.. I can only think in terms of ONE DAY at a time .. and if it has to be ONE SECOND at a time then I accept it...
thank you all for accepting me here.. LL, GG, MICH, & CYNDRA

November 1, 2006
7:35 pm
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cyndra820
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Need,

I know EXACTLY what you mean about one day/second at a time. Sometimes I feel the same way. I have to be patient and sometimes I don't have that in abundance least of all with myself.

Need,
I love hearing about your children. I am the same way about Mich and LL too. I am looking forward to having children one day.

November 1, 2006
7:37 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks Cyndra... you did not take things too far.. and I respect and appreciate your feelings and opinion..

Today was a much better day for me..

And it does help knowing that I can come here and vent and others do understand how I feel...

November 1, 2006
7:43 pm
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needtoheal
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Cyndra---

I am also a teacher like GG (and I have ADD as well) but I am not currently teaching.. I only started working part-time after I was separated from their dad.. I was able to do this because of alimony and child support...

My children are my strength...

There is a connection to MICH as well..

My sons named our puppy MANDY......

November 1, 2006
7:48 pm
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cyndra820
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Need,
That is too cute!! What kind of puppy? My mother has a seven month old puppy who has more energy than a little bit. If I could I would find some kids to play with her to wear her out. She's cute as a button though.

I do remember you saying you and GG were connected because of both being teachers and having ADD. I think it's great that you both are teachers. I don't have the patience for it. There are people who can teach and then there are the rest of us. 🙂

November 1, 2006
8:00 pm
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needtoheal
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Cyndra---

I have suffered so much in the past...
I came from a household that was an intact family. HOwever, my parents were not the most emotionally available.. My mother was very over-protective at times and made the choices and decisions for me and my brother.. she overcompensated for the way she was raised.. I, therefore, want to change that for my children.. My oldest suffers from the ADD and I intervened and wanted him to get the help that he deserved so that he did not have to suffer like I did as a child ... feeling so lost and alone... I was not diagnosed until after my ex-husband abandoned me.. (it was a self-diagnosis.. once I met the ex-b/f when i was separated, I became very impulsive and knew that I needed medication and help because I was so scattered)...
I teach my children to be able to understand their feelings and be able to communicate effectively..
I want them to become autonomous,. make decisions and know that it is ok to make mistakes... I give them choices.. (age-appropriate).. and then they are able to make the decision and have high self-esteem.. or know the consequences of making a wrong decision as well.. And with my oldest I have to make sure that he understands what is expected of him and effectively be able to communicate it to him in the method that he can learn (due to his learning disability... ) All children need structure and routine.. but with a son with ADD -- well, that structure and routine has to be enforced.. WHen he was even unable to read, I had to make a "SCHEDULE" of what was expected as far as routine such as wake up, wash face, get dressed , etc; and I had to cut out pictures of those examples and I posted it both downstairs and upstairs.
I want them both to be able to accept themselves.. The more that they can accept themselves the better it will be for them in the long run... That is why I want them to know that it is also ok to make mistakes and to learn from them.. So when my oldest, for example, leaves his work at school and we have to go back to the school I do not want him to feel that he is no good or a loser because he understands and accepts that forgetting and losing things is a symptom of ADD... and my other son also knows what it is like to have a brother with ADD... and I also have to make sure that he accepts himself as well because we are all different... So, when he knows the answers to the same math problems as his brother, who is three grades ahead of him, I praise him but I have him write down the answers so that his brother does not feel bad ...
sorry for rambling...

I think that is why sometimes I have such a difficult time when they go with their father.. I know that they do deserve to have a relationship with him , however, since things have to be so regimented and time consuming, I guess I feel a loss when they are not here because I am so used to being with them... He abandoned us when they were so young... and the diagnosis of my oldest was not even known at the young age of 3.. so I had to compensate for him all the time...

thanks for listening...

See GG, we have some more things in common...

Also I know that the reason why I am not teaching is because of my low self-esteem... I am working on this ... its been a slow process but at least I am able to look at myself and know what my faults are unlike the men that I have been involved with .. that are not capable of seeing themselves... and have not changed at all...

thanks again

November 1, 2006
8:10 pm
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cyndra820
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Need,
Thank you for sharing those wonderful tips!! I don't think you are rambling at all. You answered a lot of my questions. Thank you.

As for low self-esteem, I know what you mean. I have that problem in relation to school and my looks. My xso would tell me I was attractive. During the two years we were together he told me I was beautiful once and that I looked nice when I had made the effort once as well. I didn't want to be told all the time, but when he told me a little enthusiasm would have been appreciated.

He also had a way of speaking to me that left me feeling belittled and stupid. That bothered me a lot.

I don't regret breaking up with him. I can see his behavior patterns more clearly now. Since I recognize them I can predict what's going to happen.

I've been no contact for almost three weeks. He's now sending text messages and e-mails. I'm not answering and I think it's driving him a little crazy.

Anyway, now I'm rambling.

November 1, 2006
8:24 pm
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needtoheal
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Cyndra -- COngratulations with having no contact... I am trying to be able to let go of the b/f who managed to rip me apart emotionally.. what I still had left from the breakup of my marriage...

It is so difficult.. and MY ADD is even worse... the ability to concentrate under stress makes it impossible even with behavior modification... and medication...

But I also accept that I will have times where this happens because it is normal for people to lack concentration under stress...

I am trying to change my behavior -- and not think of the boyfriend at all... change the habit because it became a co-dependent relationship..

thanks for reading and listening..

I understand Cyndra.. and I do appreciate the fact that I am NEVER alone because I have been embraced by all of you here....

Mandy is a wheaten colored Cairne Terrier (like toto from the wizard of oz)... she is now 6 months old and full of energy.. very intelligent...
and good companionship for me/.

I knew a while ago that the relationship with the boyfriend (or pond scum as Ma suggested we refer to him), was indeed wrong for me.. It was a dead end relationship even for the fact that I did not have my children around him...
so i got a computer and also Mandy a while ago --preparing myself for when we would no longer be together..

I am just sick of these two men... and at least with the pond scum I could walk away and NEVER deal with him again because we do not share children together... thank god..

and as far as dealing with my ex-husband well, that is difficult but I do not speak to him unless it is absolutely necessary... I have learned to let go of him and the thought of him and understand that he is separate from me and makes his own decisions and suffers the consequences of his own actions (he was never responsible or could be accountable for his behavior.. he managed to try to blame me for the entire breakup .. he told my parents the night after he left that I caused him to leave.. that it was my fault and my fault for him to want to end the relationship..even though he did not want a divorce.)

I wish that I could now break away from the pond scum too...

thanks cyndra

November 1, 2006
8:39 pm
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ggfred4
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hey sisters,

need, my teaching is what raises my self-esteem...I know I am good at it; I love kids and their unique qualities; I am old school though; I am strict, structured, but very caring...I was just diagnosed with ADD this year and it all came together...Now,it is so obvious...That is why I have to be structured, or I fall apart...I can't stand to be late or have someone late picking me up either...

This is my 25th year of teaching...I love it...

Have a good evening sister...Oh, no one ever answered...Did any of you see the movie with Sandra Bullock,,,The Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood??? If not, I would love for you to rent it...

November 2, 2006
1:24 am
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needtoheal
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oh girls... sisters.. i just poured out my guts on the no contact thread... about what was going on with the ex b/f pond scum.. then about my past..

feel so embarrassed but i know that i had to get it out....

pray for me sisters...

and GG i know that teaching will eventually help with my self-esteem just have not gotten back just yet...

thanks

November 2, 2006
7:30 am
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needtoheal
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good morning my friends---

it's another day...

DAy 1 --no contact again with the ex b/f

have to have no contact because if you read the no contact thread and what i posted ... it has been so dificult

hope everyone has a bright day

thank you all for being my friend

love,
need

November 2, 2006
8:24 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Good Morning Girls...

GG, I love you and I am sorry that I didn't get the chance to talk to you again last night. I was holding you. Thank you for being my friend. I hope that you have a good day.

Need, I am sorry that you are going through a rough time. I am holding you close, and you are in my thoughts much.

Cyn, I know you said that I didn't need to apologize, but I really feel like I do. I love you, and I am so sorry. My emotions have been really put to the test this week, and I have truly grown to love and care for you guys and when you hurt, I hurt. I don't care how stupid that sounds, it is true. It wasn't really what you said or did, it is just all in relation to what I talked to LL about in Libs yesterday. Please forgive me. It was a horrible trigger, and the more that I think about it, the more that I KNOW that you were not trying to tell me what to feel or anything else. It was just how I took it, and it triggered a HORRIBLE response. For EVERYONE involved. I do hope that you know that I am sorry, and I know that you didn't intend to hurt me. LOve you.

Now, LL~ I love you with all that I have in me. I am VERY worried about you. You have become a VERY important part of my life. I don't care how stupid that sounds to anyone that reads this or whatever. I have truly grown to care about all of you girls, and you are my sisters, my friends. You say this thing is a gift, I am now CONVINCED it is a curse. After I put a lot of thought into what I was questioning, I felt horrible for pushing the send button when I sent what I did in libs. Yes, that is where I am right now, that is my true pain, that is where a lot of my tears are coming from....but, you need to not worry about me right now. I am very concerned about what is going on with you. I will kill your exh I swear to God. I am still sorry about the visual that I sent with the one post yesterday (about ripping his cock off, and shoving it down his throat). I am not going to push you to talk, BUT, I am here whenever you are ready. I do hope that you will talk about what is going on. I hope you will feel comfortable coming to me. You have never truly answered the question, so I don't know if my assumption is accurate or not. I just know that is has troubled me to think about for two days. I hate to think that my sister is in a situation where she is being sexually harrassed on a regular basis. You said in your one post to us, "Another story, another time". Just know that I love you, and you are in my thoughts. I am always here. I hope all of this last night didn't make you afraid to talk to me. I am so sorry. I love you.

November 2, 2006
9:20 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Girls????

November 2, 2006
9:22 am
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lovinglife
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Good morning

(((Cyndra, GG, Mich, Need)))

Had a good, good night at work. And didn't say hi to anyone I shouldn't have and didn't say hi to anyone I really wanted to : )

First Need- you are always welcome to post anything you want in here as well. When I get a few I’ll have to head over to the NC Thread and pop in- it’s been awhile.

Was going to post this last night but didn’t get a chance before I had to leave…I remembered working with a woman (adult foster care) who always had a fear of water (so said her mother)…Anyhow I managed somehow to get her into the water and from there on out she loved to go to the pool or the lake. Now what is my point? Well, I encouraged her {not pushed- the word pushed has been pushed around in here but really it’s called encouraging : ) }, and where was I ? Oh, yes, I encouraged her, made her feel safe, as I just knew how bad she really wanted to get over this fear she had…the story ends that her mother was just in disbelief that all the years her family could not get her near or in the water her daughter now was and actually enjoying the hell out it. Again what is my point here- oh yes, my curse. See I could relate to her, I knew she had this fear yet felt she really wanted to learn to swim (swimming to her meant just getting in the water and wading around) but just needed someone to make her feel safe, have patience, and give her the encouragement she needed. And oh, she was 53 yrs old the first time she swam and as far as I know still loves to *go swimming*.

Ok…I’ve got more to say…lots more but will stop while I’m ahead and get a few hours of sleep in. And Mich some night we’ll just do some chit chatting but yes hon, you are right on. But I do not want you to worry- the other part of the curse : )

Ok girls…you all have a great morning…I’ll be back!

November 2, 2006
9:34 am
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needtoheal
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Thanks MICH and LL --- for thinking of me and opening your arms to me this morning...

((MICH)), ((GG)), ((LL)) & ((CYNDRA))

thinking of you all today and it helps to know that I have you all

November 2, 2006
9:54 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Love you all.....LL, I love you....

November 2, 2006
10:22 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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LL,

Whenever you are ready, you let me know....I will be here. I will do what I can to make you feel safe. If you need me to "encourage" you to talk, then I will. Otherwise, I will wait until you are ready. I just want you to feel comfortable, I want you to talk to your sisters, and let us help carry this load. I will think no less of you. And let me say this, just because you let him live there doesn't make it ok, nor does it make it your fault. OK....I love you LL. I truly hope that you don't keep this in too long for your sake. yes, that codep part of me wants you to talk and let it all out so that I can help you....but that truly isn't it. I just love you and I care about you, and I don't want you to feel like you have to do this alone. Funny, it is that you don't want me to worry...I love you LL, I can't help that anymore. See, you walked into my life, allowed me to care about you, have been a good friend to me, and I have learned to love you. Therefore, I want to help. I read you well enough to know that something was wrong, I caught on....I just love you. I just want to help you, I want you to trust me, I want you to know that I love you.

Mandy

November 2, 2006
11:13 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG? Cyn??

Where are you two. Seriously....Please talk to me. Let em know that you are alive please...

Scared

November 2, 2006
11:25 am
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ggfred4
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mich, alive, not well, later, okay...why don't you let me disappear???

November 2, 2006
11:35 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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You stop it....What is your deal babe? Don't do this to me GG. Not now...What is going on talk to me NOW. Was that pushy enough for you? Spit it out...

November 2, 2006
11:38 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Why won't I let you disappear? Probably because you are one of the most important people in my life and I love you with every last ounce of my being...Thats why....Good enough?

November 2, 2006
11:52 am
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ggfred4
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mich, don't know...you made us check in and I did..

November 2, 2006
11:53 am
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ggfred4
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no, you didn't make us, you wanted us to and I wanted to let you know I was around...because I didn't want you to worry

November 2, 2006
11:56 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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NOw I want you to talk....spit it out PLEASE. What is going on? GG, I love you, please, talk to me. Don't tell me you don't know either, I don't believe that....I love you I am your twin...

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