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Survival of the Afghan....Sisters Live On.....
November 1, 2006
1:18 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Ok girls, somehow we manage to out roughly 250 posts to a thread in 3 days on a regular basis....You can all get caught up on the old thread..and jump over here...

November 1, 2006
1:38 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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LL, I read your last post...thanks for somewhat clearing some of that up. I hadn't asked TOO many questions with reason...This is your life. I pushed GG, and I swear to God I will NEVER push anyone again. BUT, know that I am here, and I love you.

November 1, 2006
1:41 pm
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ggfred4
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YOU DID NOT PUSH ME, QUIT SAYING THAT!!! I MEAN IT!!!

November 1, 2006
1:42 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Are you yelling at me? I am gonna cry...

November 1, 2006
2:15 pm
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ggfred4
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no mich, i am not yelling, do not cry, you will make me cry...I love you...I just want to emphasize that you did not push me at all...I promise...I chose to talk...I needed to tell that secret...It was eating inside of me...okay??? love you, sis

November 1, 2006
2:17 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Love you to GG.

LL,

I posted to you on libs. Read when you are ready, and NOT a moment before. Sorry about the last paragraph in advance. I was going to delete it, but that is where I am with it. And I am not hiding it from you.

Scared (to death)

November 1, 2006
2:48 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks mama, LL, and Mich ... I hate to see my sons so upset... and the thing is that my oldest does not want me to tell his father because he is AFRAID that his father will reject him.. this has been an on-going problem..... This girlfriend had told HER TWO SONS that if they saw me at the recreation program during the summer that they are not to LOOK at me because I am MEAN... and her son told my oldest son.. THen when I confronted the ex-husband about it of course he told me that it was a misunderstanding...

GOd only knows what she says to her own two children about their father...

This is a very insecure woman...

Just by her body posture whenever she is even near me..

My children know that there will not be conflict if I am around because one day when they dropped the boys off I said goodbye to him and her(and her children were with them) and the neighbor's children were outside too.. and I did not get a response.. so I said goodbye again,..

Well, the next morning HE (the passive-aggressive ex-husband) called me and told me that I am NOT to speak to her and that if I say goodbye and she does not have to acknowledge me.. I told him that is teaching anti-social behavior and it is unacceptable....

I was waiting outside and playing with the neighbor's kids in anticipation of my children to come home..

My boys were so excited to go trick-or-treating with their dad.. I knew that it would be late when they got back home so I did tell my sons that we could not go trick-or-treating around town because it would be too late....

I had a much better day today at work.. kept me busy and I think I got to catch up on some much needed sleep....

I was thinking about all of you today and it did bring a smile to my face knowing that I have you all as my friends...

thank you all for supporting me and sharing your thoughts .....

LOVE
I WILL HEAL

November 1, 2006
3:00 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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LL, will you just at some point let us know that you have found us...like your check in thing. Thanks honey...

November 1, 2006
3:02 pm
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ggfred4
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need, my sister, sorry I haven't responded...don't worry about that bitch...your kids know you love them...kids can see right through that...kids are so smart...can I put her on our whip ass list??? OMG, what a great idea!!! Take care sis

November 1, 2006
4:02 pm
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lovinglife
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GG- I like it when it get all fired up : ) you called someone a beeech!! And not that the woman doesn't deserve it either.

And Need what is up with your exH's games? You are not supppose to talk to the gf? The woman WHO DOES AND WILL HAVE an influence on your children?... and wtf- he doesn't care about her attitude around the kids???

Arightly girls I found my way to the new thread and just loved the burial : )

Mich I'll will read what you posted back.

November 1, 2006
4:24 pm
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ggfred4
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I think I have said this b4, I don't curse, smoke, or drink heavily, (an occasional drink: get drunk too easy)...when you are a school teacher, there is an image that is expected...I want even by wine or a drink in my own town in case a student is in the store or restaurant!!! But I really like this cursing on the internet; don't want to offend anyone though...Let me know if I do and I will because I am CODEPENDENT...One day, I might be able to say, who the hell cares?

November 1, 2006
5:05 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks girls for all your support... GG-- we have something in common too my sister, we are both ADD...

Yeah... LL the ex-husband has always played games with me... Maybe that is what attracted me to be with the boyfriend while I was separated from the ex-husband too.. Now I will make sure I don't have any blinders on...

My children do see through this woman and I know that they also know that I love them... They know that I was the one who was there for them when their father abandoned the relationship when they were only 3 and 14 months old.. My younger son doe not even remember him ever living here and the oldest will not be able to recall much...

He plays games with my older son because my son has ADD and a learning disability.. Even so my son is intelligent and knows that his father always breaks promises..
His father is passive-aggressive and what is so difficult for me is to watch my children suffer from the same treatment that I had received...

thanks girls for everything... and for thinking of me...

November 1, 2006
5:29 pm
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cyndra820
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Need,
It is completely unacceptable for this man to behave this way. I may sound harsh here, but his emotional games are a form of abuse. I am glad your children see through this, but what if one day he says something that clicks with them? I do not like this man.

As for his girlfriend, get a restraining order. I'm sorry, this is harsh, but that bitch needs to have her eyes opened that her snide remarks in front of your children a) are not acceptable, and b) are abuse and you will not tolerate it if she is to be an influence in their lives.

I cannot stand to hear people belittle children or make snide remarks and think they are too stupid to understand what's being said.

Okay, I need to hit the eliptical machine. Will talk more when the workout is done.

Love you all. Need, if you feel I was too harsh please feel free to ream me!!!

Cyndra

November 1, 2006
5:35 pm
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lovinglife
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GG&Mich-

I wished I could explain it better but….Yes, I have had a few *dark* moments these last couple of days- and yesterday it was at its height. It is scary to me what I feel inside when I get whacked out in the head-and this whacked shit is totally exH caused and exH related. When I mentioned about taking myself down- it means I want to destroy me-and that in its self is hard to explain…the other part of it is suicidal thinking or if on occasion I’m really strong- homicidal thinking…this man has f*cked with my head for years. One day I have him trying to touch me and telling me in this sweet voice…“you’re ok, it's ok...but I love you…all I want is to make you happy, don’t you understand this…If I didn’t have you in my life….you are so beautiful…” And then in the next breath telling me I am a cold hearted selfish b*tch and all that I want to do is take him down and make his life hell. Makes for a person to get a little whacked in the head wouldn’t ya say? Esp when I tell him I don’t want him touching me, that I want him to leave my home and he acts if I, me-my person, my being, doesn’t even exist.

Just know I am ok. I’ve pretty much dealt with this man for 20 yrs – {though I did have somewhat of a nice break in there.} I have managed to pull myself out of this *dark* thinking once again … but what it all boils down to is that I need to get away from him and I can’t seem to. I want to live, I want to love, I want to dream, I want to go after my dreams…but he doesn’t want that for me unless he is the center of it. I just have to continue to get strong…and someday I’ll be free again : )

Did find out today that he was still on probation from his last DUI-(3 mos left) which means- probation violation- which means- hopefully he will be doing some good jail time. The most he has ever done is 20 days- and most of those days were work release. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that something finally (the law) is going to catch up with him...the longer I am away from him, the stronger I become...it's gotten really bad in the last few days because he's basically been around here 24/7 and funny how he managed to get his self bailed out of jail asap and came right back here even when I told him that there was no way in hell was he coming back -BUT he is here and has no plans on leaving here anytime soon...

Now if I am not on tonight it’s because I’m off to work. You girls take care…and I'll check in the a.m.

November 1, 2006
5:46 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, why do you think that you can't "seem" to get away from him???

Please listen and this is sincere...I had those dark moments in Feb./March this year...During those times, there is no thinking straight and a lack of control...
LL, If you ever feel so low that you think you might hurt yourself, please reach out to me and mich, please. I will leave this site for you...I will come find you and be with you until it passes...I will do this for you...I will help you...You and mich are part of my heart now...
I am serious LL, I love you...your lil sis GG

November 1, 2006
6:00 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am in no position to say much but I am with GG here LL. Please don't. I want you to talk about it if you are feeling that way, because I do think that it helps in all honesty. Please don't EVER keep it from me if you feel that way. Just know that I love you and you are a very big part of my life.

November 1, 2006
6:02 pm
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ggfred4
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and mich, even though you are slightly pissing me off now, I feel the same about you...I will leave this site for you also, to be with you, to comfort you, to keep you from hurting yourself, to help you, to sit with you with your children, whatever, okay...love u 2

November 1, 2006
6:04 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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What did I do now? GG, I love you...

November 1, 2006
6:09 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I asked the damn question what more do you want? I am not trying to leave you hanging at all...I had to skip out for a few because h was home. I am sorry. PLEASE forgu=ive me...

November 1, 2006
6:12 pm
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ggfred4
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finally you asked and yes, you are right, I did think the same damn thing okay!!! Don't apologize when you can't get on the computer okay...love u...

November 1, 2006
6:14 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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NOw you are just being mean. You better start playing nice, or I am not going to play at all. Got it? I just hope that she is around somewhere. Cause now I got the question out, I am hoping she is around to answer it....

November 1, 2006
6:17 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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That is the second time today you have yelled at me now that i think about it. Please be nice...I am just joking...I love you. Just worried about that other girl...

November 1, 2006
6:33 pm
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ggfred4
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me too sis...

good news...door bell rang...my St.Jude silver watch that says hope on it came in...I wish I could buy one for all my sisters for Christmas...but we have to stay anonymous...

bad news...no doctor call...how can they do that to me...but, feel better than earlier...He said cluster headaches have time frames, and I have been noticing mine seem to fall heavy between 10 and 2 the worst...not good for work...SORRY...don't mean to go on about me, really...

You know I am not mad, don't you!!!

November 1, 2006
6:34 pm
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lovinglife
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You too are too funny! My lil sis's are so darn precious : ) Now no fighting...know what I used to have my boys do when they fought??? They would have to sit on the couch and hug each other til they smiled and also told one another that they loved each other...though I don't think that would work with you two for some reason...

Ok...think this will be my last post of the day... I'll check in tommorrow...you two be good and get along, K?!

GG-I know exactly what you are saying about the *No Thinking* and that is what's scary. Yesterday I felt very impulsive and that scares the hell out of me...it's like my mind just snaps-

But really even scarier is how I feel today....fine. How can I go from that to this??? Slept it off? Don't know, don't want to analyze just want him out of my life...and thankful that it didn’t carry over to another day...and oh when I wasn't with him for those 5-6 yrs… LL was just fine- worked my ass off, had fun, dated, played and didn't have dark thinking whatsoever...other than when my mind did literally snapped only it wasn’t dark thinking it was in the form of nightmares, hallucinations- god has this man f*cked me up...that was when I ended up with the PTSD diagnosis (exH caused) and THAT whole month long incident was set-off by the exH. m-f.

How/why can't I get him out…wish I knew the answer. All I know is that I have to continue to get stronger (going to Al-Anon), posting in here, and at times like I’ve gone through in the last week, talk about it, vent if need be, and the real biggy is not shut myself off from the world or people. I started back to counseling this past summer but drop the ball cause the drive to get to the counselor who knows my story moved his office an hour away. Anyhow… I’ll get there (him out of my life) someday even if it doesn’t seem like it’s possible.

Thank you lil' sis's for calling me on it...it felt good to talk about it- helps clear the mind a little. It’s all so embarrassing- Hey some night when we all feeling really gutsy in sharing…I have something to share that he has done that I haven’t shared before…sometimes can’t even believe that my life with him is even real. I just want to be normal- my life with this man is not normal.

AND closing on a happy note: I hope to at least say hi tommorrow to cute guy when I'm leaving work in the a.m.. I know that I'll see cute guy's married friend...but I won't say hi to him!!

November 1, 2006
6:40 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, you sound better,,,gosh, we are so pitiful...LL, you once said something about what would happen if we were all down at the same time??? That scares me, really...

I am going to reread your post, because I do have some comments I would like to respond with (gosh, am I taking after you!!! LOL)

Mich and I promise not to fight when you are at work, okay, mich!!!

Here's a last minute funny for you both...a trigger for cluster headaches...SEXUAL ACTIVITY!!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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