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Sunshine88 needs a shoulder to cry on
December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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sunshine88
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hi
guys, it's been some time. i was busy improving my life. the break
up in March 2009 left me badly broken, and it took me 15 months
before i got myself into another relationship. i didn't date, i
didn't hang out. i just stayed alone, studying, improving my
lifestyle, learning this and that. i took to heart the advise i get
from my friends here. i joined a dating site, but found no
one.

unfortunately, the
relationship i started in august this year, ended last week. this
guy rebounded on me. he came from a one year relationship with this
girl. they were not together anymore for 5 months when i met him.
when we started dating, i asked him many times if he is just
rebounding, and he said no of course. he said he's over her and the
breakup was his decision because he was sure that he did not want
to continue with her.

although we were
just together for three months, we were deeply in love. or maybe i
should say, i was. but he kept his ex on his facebook account, and
she continued making cute and small comments on his wall. i used to
fight him about this, until i got tired. all we did was fight about
her. and he continually denied that he has any link to
her.

one fine day, he
started to distance himself. when i tried to extract the truth, he
said that he was not in the mood to see me as much. it hurt me a
lot, and all i wanted was to get out of the relationship if he were
not into me anymore. a few more of events like that happened later
that week, until one morning, he didn't call me until afternoon,
when i could see that he was online facebook. i wanted him to be
the one to initiate communication, so i did not call him and didn't
drop a message on fb. later that afternoon, i decided that i will
not pick up his call. let it be. if he loves me, he will make an
effort not to lose me. if he doesn't love me, he will quit. so he
did quit.

and today i heard
from his friends that he's back with her, living together again. so
he was rebounding, and he doesn't realize how much hurtful it is to
be used to get over someone, considering that i thought we were
serious and i loved him well.

i already deleted
all forms of communication, and blocked him from fb. threw away all
his gifts, pics, clothes he gave me, anything related to
him.

all i want to do
now is to deal with my future, feeling so used, and rejected, and
left behind.

and i just want to
ask for support, if every now and then, i would need
some.

xoxo

December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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I am
sorry this happened to you. He was wrong to use you.

Bitsy

December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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chelonia mydas
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Here
is a shoulder ((((((Sunshine))))))) cry away my dear
friend

Lots of hugs and
support and caring sending your way

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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sunshine88
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today, i was a mess. it was PMS time, so it made things worse.
i usually have crying spells on PMS. i spent all day struggling not
to cry, and yet tears kept falling.

i dont remember
the last break up to be this hard.

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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Olivia B
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Cry
all you need to. This sucks. I'm a romantic though so I believe the
right person will find you when the time is right and that person
will make all this worthwhile. I'm sorry for your pain.

Olivia

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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sunshine88
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thanks Bitsy, Chelonia and Olivia.

am glad to find
you here. everybody tells me about the right person, i really
really want to believe in that. but man, when you're swallowed in
pain and rejection, you can't help ask, where is that right person,
when is he gonna come, coz i could really use his company right
now!

i'm tempted to get
myself a rebound too. but i dont want to inflict the same pain to
others. i feel that i just need someone to hold me every time i
cry. that's all. i dont want a relationship or sex or anything like
that. just someone to hold me and support me, until i'm
stronger.

i dont realy know
if that made sense.

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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Olivia B
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I
don't blame you for how you feel. As much as this hurts maybe its
just a step in mr rights direction. If I could id hug the crap out
of you. Sometimes that's what I need. If it helps I've been alone
for 7 years, by choice , but I just started dating someone I'm
crazy about. It will happen.

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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I
understand all about wanting someone to hold you. I have just
wanted someone to hold m while I sleep. Tuck some pillows all
around you. That's what I do.

Bitsy

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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Olivia B
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Want
to borrow a dog?

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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sunshine88
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no
thanks, Olivia, i can't even take care of myself now, the dog might
die.

Hi Bitsy, funny
enough, some time last year, I was going through something, that
you were going through at the same time as well. We must be soul
sisters 🙂

the fact that i
have crying spells when i have PMS is really coupling with this
ordeal, and it just feels overwhelming. i have spoken to friends
today, but i seem to be unconsolable. i couldn't find comfort
anywhere.

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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Anam Cara
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Hi
sunshine. I am not at all sure you need a shoulder to cry on
because, what you need is - time to pass you through this sad
situation.

I was used - yet I
have never got over it really, so do not try and forget this
experience. Use it for the future and to your advantage.

WE shall talk more
but right now Dark wants me beside her to help out at the
Coffeehouse. Say, why not join us at the bar?

Love.
AC

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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My
heart goes out to you. I also want to point out a red flag or two
which you ignored, in hopes that you will not miss them in the
future and set yourself up for MORE pain.

He maintained his
FB page while you began dating. Surely you saw the pics of his ex,
and/or their FB "wall" exchanges going on? That would have been a
HUGE red flag for me. And yes, I would have checked it out
frequently.

Also, asking a guy
who broke up with the love of his life if he's on "rebound" five
months after the fact is a moot question. My older son broke off
his engagement last February and STILL misses her terribly and is
not ready for a new relationship. He has "dated" to try and get his
mind off her (and rebuild his male ego), but any relationship he
tries to form is definitely "rebound." (He tried. It bombed within
weeks. Not the girl's fault. He simply wasn't ready.)

And if you were to
ask him if he were over her?...or if this were a "rebound"
relationship?" He truthfully would not be able to say so because he
is not in touch enough with his true, honest feelings about his ex.
This is probably what happened to you. So, ASKING them is
pointless. Actions are what you must observe...and "red flags,"
such as his FB activities.

Keep posting. You
are truly wounded and betrayed. I feel very bad for you, but can
promise that it WILL get better, even as you grow wiser. Sometimes,
pain is the price we pay for wisdom.

- Ma
Strong

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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sunshine88
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hi
Anam, yes i recognize that time will get me through, and this is
why i allow myself to rely on my friends' support, to get me
through time.

Ma Strong, i've
missed you so much. thanks for your wise words. yes, his FB
activities were red flags and i speak to hm about it every time.
somehow i was also on the lookout for signs if he were really
serious with me. i knew that he wasn't sure about what he wanted,
although he spoke to me about his love for me with so much
certainty, to an extent, that i questioned myself if i had issues
believing men when they truly must mean it when they say they love
me.

all my friends,
including common friends say that i dont deserve him, and that i
should just move on, and not waste anymore tears for him, because
he is not worth it. still, i loved this man, for no matter how
short, i had hopes of being with him, and had just got started with
building our life together. like holding on to something i didn't
have.

the hardest part
for me is that i live in the Middle East, in a very conservative
country, and meeting a guy is like finding a gem. for a long time i
was alone, and i hoped that i will never have to be alone again.
only to find myself alone again, it kills me. the feeling of
loneliness is almost like a ghost that stabs me each time i enter
my empty home, and i would run away, wherever, anywhere
but.

before i met this
guy, i already learned to deal with alone. i was able to restore my
balance, and i was actualy ok, although somehow emotionally hungry.
probably why i took a chance with him so quickly, because i wanted
to be somebody so badly.

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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sunshine88
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September 24, 2010
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Woke
up early this morning, breaking in so much sweat. I used to be a
person who likes to linger in bed after the alarm clock almost dies
of snoozing. but whenever i'm in this situation, i dread every
waking minute i am in bed. i got up with a very violent pain inside
me, and i'm trying to shake it off by writing here.

i want to start
this day, being hopeful about my future. yesterday i cried and
cried as if the whole world had fallen apart. but then again, it
was also a crying spell as part of my PMS.

today i would try
to be in better control. focus on my work, and not cry in the
office or the toilet or the car. it only sounds gigantic to me now
but it is not.

hugs.

December 7, 2010
12:00 am
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sunshine88
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September 24, 2010
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missing him a lot, and betrayed myself... i dropped by his
office to give him the last of his stuff. we talked for a while,
and oh God, no matter how many people say he's not the right person
for me, i missed him so much and wanted him back in my
life.

i know, i know, no
contact, but i couldn't help myself. i must be sick.

December 7, 2010
12:00 am
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Lanigirl
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Sunshine,

It's been
awhile.

Nah, you aren't
sick - just going through a breakup.

December 7, 2010
12:00 am
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sunshine88
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Hi
Lanigirl, great to see you here again. yeah, it's been quite a
while. like i said, i was busy improving myself, working on myself.
at some point, i actually felt that i had been restored. i obtained
balance in my emotional state, and i was sleeping with a smile on
my face, and waking up really happy.

those were the
days before this guy came to my life, made me believe in dreams
again, thinking i will never have to be alone again, only to f*ck
me over, lol, and leave me for his ex.

how have you been,
Lani? What has happened with your struggle before?

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