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sunray can't move forward
October 10, 2004
7:43 am
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sunray
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hi guys.i'm stuck here . it feel' as though i need to talk to him . have an understanding hopfully we will talk . iknow he will never admit to me he has a gambling problem. and that is what ruined the relationship to me anyway. to himself he is probably beating him self up over it .he is too proud. to admit it to me . and if he feels he has a right to do what ever he wants to . he has that right . i have been lied to . all that bs about wishing he could help me out more financially. and i should try to make my life easier is just a cover up .i would tell him it won't always be like this our financial responsibilities with our children will be over inthe next 2 years .the worst of it anyway we can concentrate on us.that is not going to happen he has been gambling long before he meant me and has managed to stay above water. i see that he realizes he can't be a functioning gambler and have a relationship it cuts into the gambling. she has been around alot longer than me harrahs wins. now about me he is really angry that i have uncover this about him and he is just going to have to get over it .he doesn't haave to worry about me any more .but in order for me to move on we have to be friends.he has to understand where i am at.what i am about to do for me. i take responsibility for my codependency in the relationship was harmful. i want ot move on but i can't not until we talk and hangup has friends then i can do what i have to do and he can continue living the same life or help him self. so i am going to call today and maybe have a better comunication between us . its so important before i can go any farther. any input is much appreciated. lately i go to bed thinking about this and i get with it on my mind.

October 10, 2004
9:25 am
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Anonymous
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Why do you feel the need to be friends in order to move on sunray? How old are your children? Are they his as well? I understand your probably looking for closure, but the thing is, I've been doing the same and it just gets me deeper in everytime. Everytime I cut him off he reels me back and I get worse in my self-esteem, self-worth and the whole enchilada. I wish I had some miraculous words of advice and it would all get better or go away but I don't, I'm going through the same essentially. My thoughts are with you,

magga

October 10, 2004
10:03 am
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CAMER
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ok, Sunray, talk with him and get closure, then move on....I hope you can do it! its a hard thing, completely ending a relationship, having that person not in your life anymore, but you can do this...change is big, change is huge, but change for the better. Knowing you wont have to go thru the pain of having him lie to you, and gamble all his money away. You so much deserve better! you need to beleive in you. Get the closure, and be ready to move ahead in life.

I wish you luck!
(((camer))))

October 10, 2004
10:19 am
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sunray
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thats what i need closure . i and i will move on thanks again

October 10, 2004
11:03 am
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sunray
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there is the possiblity he won't give me closure so this might take me alittle longer but i'm still on the right tract.

October 10, 2004
11:18 am
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Zinnie
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Hi Sunray,

There is another thread around here from "In-Pain" where we talked about closure. Personally? Closure is far over-rated. It is something that sounds great, but rarely happens the way they show in the movies, TV or in books. There is very rarely this great "oh... yes, HERE is the reason, and I hope and wish all the best for you!" Especially when you are in a relationship with someone who has an addictive problem.

The best closure you can get, for your own peace of mind is to decide "this is enough and it's time to move on." Then do it.

October 10, 2004
11:49 am
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Anonymous
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I'm afraid I couldn't word it any better
zinnie, I have been looking for that "closure" or a peaceful
way of leaving since june.

Sometimes its just not possible.
There are little ceremonies that you can do... like burning
any pictures of you together or giving any gifts from him
to charity...just an idea about to be implemented

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