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suicide - what do you think happens to you after suicide?
December 2, 2003
11:17 am
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stopitnow
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to your soul? hell forever? stuck in limbo? rejected from God?

December 2, 2003
11:24 am
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sixfootblonde
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ooh. this is a touchy one.

Might I ask with calm strength, tread softly here, on this subject? I think it's a touchy one for many and crude language is offensive for someone like I who has lost a beloved family member and three friends in the last two years to this heartache.

Discussion is well, but again, please tread softly with the crude comments.

December 2, 2003
11:27 am
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stopitnow
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sixfootblonde...

not meaning to cause any trouble. just needing some help. i have not crude comments to make and do not wish to hear (see) any either.

thank you...

December 2, 2003
11:37 am
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sixfootblonde
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Gotcha. My apologies then for jumping too quickly. I've been (unbeknownst to you of course) having a very difficult time with this subject lately. Hurting a lot. And sometimes we will get posters on here looking to just spark something, etc.

My apologies. Well then regarding your original question: I don't know. I only hope that God sees the condition they are in at the last moment. Perhaps some cry out to God, for help, for forgiveness at what they are about to do. Only He knows, in my opinion. And He knows best, so I just draw strength from that. That and the fact that he says "I will never leave you or forsake you." I interpret that not only for my benefit as a survivor but also for the person who made that final choice.

What are your thoughts?

December 2, 2003
11:42 am
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stopitnow
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I like the way you worded that....Only God knows what we are going through and how we struggle and struggle with things that others may never know about. It's hard to turn things over to him and let him do his work.

I appreciate you taking the time to talk with me...Thank you.

December 2, 2003
11:46 am
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sixfootblonde
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It is very hard to turn it over to Him. It is a form of my ego, I have come to realize, when I sit and stress and worry after I've supposedly placed the issue in His hands. What, don't I think He can handle it? Do I think he needs my help or in another way to word it, do I really think I can do anything anyway?

I am looking into starting a suicide support group for families and other survivors in my area. We don't have one. I think this is a start, for me....

Do you have a story you feel like sharing? If not that's ok too. Welcome to the site, anyway! 🙂

December 2, 2003
11:48 am
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unhappy camper
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I was thinking about suicide this morning.

December 2, 2003
11:53 am
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stopitnow
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the story would be too long. sounds like you have been dealing with a lot in your life with this topic.

for me, i'm just tired. i don't have any other way of putting it. just tired.

again thank you for your time!

December 2, 2003
11:59 am
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sixfootblonde
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here now guys! UC, what's wrong? Were you thinking of suicide in general or do you mean you were down that bad this morning? Please share, I care.....

Stopitnow, I have been realizing I need to face it, to deal with it, in order to get thru it. I buried my reactions and feelings for too long. It doesn't mean I can't listen to your story. I'd love to, if you like....

December 2, 2003
12:04 pm
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tooscared
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Stopitnow, I am concerned that you are considering suicide right now. Am I right? I hope not because no matter how bad things seem to be, there is hope. It is when we are without hope that things seem so bleak around us, but when you reach out to someone and they reach back you have hope - hope that your life does matter and that people do care. Please share your story with us. I will be leaving soon, but will be back later on today. I would really like to hear from you and know that you are ok.

UC, same for you - as SFB asked,I am asking you the same question she is.

December 2, 2003
12:04 pm
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Ladeska
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stopitnow....understand the "being tired" thing. You get that way in life. Been there a few times myself. Since this is your thread...why not take some time and put your story out here? We've got time, if you've got time. (smile) I think sometimes when we get lost in a vacuum, we forget to realize that - there are people out there, just a keystroke away actually - who can come and sit very close beside you and affirm you, maybe even help and who will completely understand where you are because they have been there and walked away from the option of suicide, only to realize later - what a tragic choice that would have been for them. But at the time.......it really does look inviting. I'm one of those people.... Been there.

December 2, 2003
12:08 pm
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sixfootblonde
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stopitnow, is your name an insight into what you are feeling, or that you want to quit these thoughts? I worry. Let me tell you, it's a shitty option any way you look at it. I've survived enuff to know. I see the heartbreak carried by the families friends and community and you wouldn't believe the people it has affected. It's selfish and shitty and way way too final. Hang in there, talk to us ok?

December 2, 2003
12:19 pm
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stopitnow
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yes, i am at that point with things.

the thing is that no one around me knows how i'm feeling or what i'm thinking. i'm being very level headed about it. trying to decided the 'right way' and/or the 'right time'. i'm not talking or showing any signs to anyone...other than here, wanting your input on what happens next. not crying or emtional or out of control. not threating to do it.

i'm just done, tired. I know what i'm saying doesn't make sense and that you can argue that i'm not being 'level headed'. that there is no 'right way' or 'right time'. but this is how i feel. this is what i think. i pray to God to everyday, for either the 'new path' here on earth or for the 'way'....any of this make sense?

It's not going to happen now...it's still being processed in my mind...

December 2, 2003
12:23 pm
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sixfootblonde
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Hear me out but if you're praying about this then still taking things into your own hands, how are you showing your faith? Do you believe he knows what is best for you? If so, then won't you let him?

Do you have a family? Friends? What do you think will happen to them after? Don't you know how they will hurt? How long have you felt like this? What initially sparked it? Please share with me....

December 2, 2003
12:26 pm
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tooscared
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But don't you think that there is a small possibility that God may have lead you to this website because there are people here who care and who have been through some pretty rough times too? Consider the fact that your life may impact someone that you don't even know about yet.

If people who don't even know you care enough to ask you to stop and think about alternatives, then how much more would your loved ones or people who personally know you want to help you realize how much you mean to them. Your life matters to me and to others. Please keep talking and sharing. Please have the smallest amount of hope that there might be an alternative.

December 2, 2003
12:29 pm
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tooscared
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Stopitnow, I have to leave to go to work, but please please keep talking to the kind people on here. I want to come home later today and see where you are talking to us and keeping communication open.

December 2, 2003
12:35 pm
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unhappy camper
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You are of the misbelief that it is the only solution to a set of overwhelming feelings. You think it may be the only way to deal with these unbearable feelings.

Most people have thought of it from time to time. Most attempts are made by intelligent, temporarily confused individuals who are expecting too much of themselves, especially in the midst of a crisis.

The tragedy is that intense emotional distress often blinds people to alternative solutions...yet other solutions are almost always available.

We all experience feelings of loneliness, depression, helplessness, and hopelessness, from time to time. The death of a family member, the breakup of a relationship, blows to our self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and/or major financial setbacks are serious problems which all of us may have to face at some point in our lives. Because each person's emotional makeup is unique, each of us responds to situations differently.

TELL US "WHY" YOU ARE OVERWHELMED????

WHAT HAPPENED???? WHAT IS THE STORY?

December 2, 2003
12:45 pm
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sixfootblonde
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wow. the above post...says it all. Thank you for posting that.

I'm of the opinion that there is always tomorrow. I work with people clinging to life, I watch it slipping away from still bodies and it always moves me. Such a precious gift. Those who want it sometimes can't have it. Babies are wanted and waited for...and waited for. Meanwhile, other babies are thrown away. Right now somewhere a loved one is dying in a hospital room filled with weeping family and friends. Somewhere else, stopitnow feels so alone and that there is no point. Life is a gift and I am humbled every time I see it illustrated before me. We are here for a purpose, there is a plan. We are loved and we are never alone.

Stopitnow, I am sorry you are tired. The irony to me is that with each tomorrow comes infinited possibilities. What we do determines how high we fly. Choosing to turn down the lights and draw the curtain is a final solution for a temporary problem indeed. Guarantees things will never be fixed. So sad.

I am still waiting to hear from you. I hope you share with me, I'm listening....

December 2, 2003
1:04 pm
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stopitnow
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i am still here. just taking in what is being said. a lot of real things for me to think about.

i feel like the opening dialogue from you...is very powerful. Very true and pure (untainted with what I may or may not be thinking).

"I only hope that God sees the condition they are in at the last moment. Perhaps some cry out to God, for help, for forgiveness at what they are about to do. Only He knows, in my opinion. And He knows best, so I just draw strength from that. That and the fact that he says "I will never leave you or forsake you." I interpret that not only for my benefit as a survivor but also for the person who made that final choice."

i've read this many many times.

December 2, 2003
1:13 pm
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Ladeska
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Soooo....if you've prayed that prayer then - for God to show you a new path....maybe He is doing just that by you being here.

Lay out your story, let's have a look. You've got time, no hurry, right? What do you have to lose here by giving this a go? Maybe there is an answer here and it comes wrapped in a real different paper.

With me......I've noticed that the times in my life - when the answer came.....was the time when it was the darkest dark.... Not real sure why that happens really. But I think with me it had something to do with - I had to turn everything off inside....get real quiet with how I wanted to work the puzzle and only THEN, after I had exhausted all my options, had gotten completely still, quiet and quite resigned to my darkness.......it was "then" that I could hear the *whisper*... It was like I had to get in that precise place in order to really hear and received and implement - the answer.

Talk to me... I got time...

December 2, 2003
1:34 pm
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sixfootblonde
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Ladeska, I think you're absolutely right. Like when we give up and admit we are unable to help ourselves, then the still small voice is able to be heard. I think it's always there, just drowned out often by the clamor of "more money more cars bigger houses more friends keeping up with the joneses" etc etc that our society is so obsessed with. When we close our eyes and bow our heads and really wait and listen, it's there. I say that with surety because I believe it. I think that's the core of "I will never leave you or forsake you."

Stopitnow, I don't know anything about you but I can tell you in agonizing detail what those who love you will go thru for the upcoming years. I'm glad you are thinking this thru. What issues are you weighing? Share with me?

December 2, 2003
1:51 pm
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silence
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I always figured there would just be nothing. End of life means end of everything.

December 2, 2003
1:59 pm
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Ladeska
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Yea, buddy, SFB. You know...I've been in some situations where - it was just all bad, not a peep of light anywhere, I'm in a corner, just done, exhausted, out of answers, out of steam, no one else is helping either and I'm just in that quiet place of - soooo...this is it, huh?

And I cannot express enough...how every time....something came out of the woodwork at me. But it was only when...I got in this place. And, it was hard for me to recognize it, too. I'd fight against it and go - but, I'm already resigned to just ending it all okay, so - go away or - that's not an answer, can't be, I'VE FREAKING DECIDED, okay??? It's a done deal now, just move out of my way!!!

I've been exactly like that. And it was a bitter little pill to fight through my own resignation and decision to even listen, too. Wasn't easy. I'm VERY stubborn. Whatever presented itself - was not really all that welcome or I had a million sarcastic comments coming out of me that just blasted it.

Sometimes we have to literally "come to the End of "ourselves" in order to find that path - that leads to all we Can Be. It's like whatever pattern or mechanism we were using to get through life finally just broke apart and wasn't useable anymore. It was broken, done, finished and in our agony of all that and not being able to put the pieces back together or make it work again somehow - we just think that's it then...it's over.

But some structures, some patterns that we use to live our lives by - were never meant to work forever because they were faulty somehow. That doesn't mean we throw out the baby with the bathwater though. I mean we can, we all "can" do that but - I've seen too many people, been there myself - where if I had of done that, if they had of done that - they would have missed the greatest blessings and the greatest things to be accomplished in their entire life. And the reason for doing that may have just been - pure exhaustion....

But sometimes, even in an exhausted state, if you can just pull yourself to where you can get healing, follow that little voice, that you didn't hear before and fight against hearing now....if you can just use what strength you do have to pull to where that's leading.....sometimes....more often than not - it's leading you to somewhere good, where there is real help, where the lights turn on, lights that don't blind you or accuse you, but lights that are warm and penetrating and that heal you.

December 2, 2003
2:00 pm
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stopitnow
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you are right, blonde. i am agonizing over what will happen in the end, to everyone.

i don't want to post my issues here, they are long and complicated.

again. i apprecate your time and help and am listening, i really am

December 2, 2003
2:10 pm
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sixfootblonde
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ok so you don't want to post long. Hey, everyone does at some point. If you're not comfortable that's ok. I wish I could help you tho. I know it helps so much to just get it out, to see the words on the screen. It's validating to me, somehow. There have been times when once I've gotten it out, I could see clearly where before things were blurred to me. Or I just felt better for getting it out. Noone here will judge you -- we all lay bare our souls at some point. I'm sorry you hurt....

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