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sudden depression
August 2, 2001
8:02 pm
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Listen...
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so i walked in to my house this afternoon after work and was completely overwhelmed with depression... maybe the radio story about philosophy got to me. there was a question of reality and if it exists... and can we form opinions about things that do not? if reality does not exist, then why bother? why not just be, and float in a sea of darkness. Anyone see the Matrix? This is what i see with these thoughts... why even have goals? oh man can anyone relate to this???

if reality does not exist, then work is just a series of hours busying my neurons and hands without purpose day after day after day... it's thoughts like this that send me to alchohol and cigarettes. what is life then? do our bodies exist? do our emotions? what do they come from? when we love someone, can we bear to be without them? is this what obsessive behavior is really about? not something we can control, but controls us?

why do writers write and artists create? to prove their existance? to see the results of their machinery?

i'm going to the store...

August 2, 2001
9:27 pm
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Listen...
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so i'm back. i did get wine and cigarettes, but also a book at the cheapo book store. the title is "consilience: the unity of knowledge".there's some stuff about what's what and more stuff. you know? well, guess i'll go read since no one has responded yet. later...

August 2, 2001
9:49 pm
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Molly
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hey listen thought you were a recovering alcoholic? Hmmm guess that was damaged. I thought too, that listen had a husband that was an alcoholic for years, and needed help on how to get him to AA, also saw where listen had a relationship that was growing with trust you know after some one had seen him in a bar with some one else, so this is most likely the most truthful thing I have heard you ask in a while. I think that this sudden depression is what we all go through. I sat today digging a hole and my dog was helping me every step of the way, shortly after, I let him roam free, and he got away from me, going down our morning path, he ignored me completely, I shared this with my mate and discovered what an enabeling idiot I am, and then he just cant say anything to me, so I too am depressed, depressed that I don't trust the threads, don't trust my spouse to hear me, and just often wonder what's really going on with life, you, and these threads. Is anything the way it appears to be, or is it just me?

August 3, 2001
4:36 pm
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Ladeska
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Molly....I have a new thread called - The "Need to Hunt". You might be interested in it.

August 3, 2001
5:42 pm
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Listen...
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What can't you trust about the threads? I have been logged as other names, with different problems. The old names just didn't suit me anymore. Is that causing problems?

Maybe i should just stop coming here. It's helpful, but i don't want to cause negative energy by my actions.

I'll go read Ladeska's thread now.

August 3, 2001
6:57 pm
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Molly
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Never stop comming here.

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