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Stupid Stupid Stupid me
April 10, 2009
7:05 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Well my almost month of no self harm ended today.I feel so stupid right now. I was doing really well and now I'm just not. Sometimes I hate me.

April 10, 2009
7:23 pm
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In becoming successful in your journey to stop selfharming there are bound to be failures. It is how you deal with those bumps in the your road to success.

It is like falling off a horse, got to get back up, dust yourself off and start a new month.

I think you have to ALWAYS love you. Doesn't mean you have to always love the things you do. As long as you love yourself you have the number one tool to carry on on your successful journey to no self harm.

I guess it is kind of like smoking or weight lost. Sometimes you wonder off the path, you just have to get back on. Slow and steady wins the race

Why did you do it?

April 10, 2009
7:27 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Just got to stressed and couldnt handle it. My youngest is going to need surgery. We cant afford it. With a million other things going on as well

April 10, 2009
7:30 pm
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I don't know about your state but in MI when I needed all my surgeries I was able to qualify for state insurance since there is a thing where your kids get it free. I don't know if you will qualify, but it is worth a shot to check out I guess it would be the walfare office by you.

They tend to take care of the kids.

Maybe you can do some sit ups when you are stressed or something positive?

April 10, 2009
7:43 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Maybe for next time

April 10, 2009
7:45 pm
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Have you checked in with the gov to get your kid taken care of? Heck I think when my mother went in for herself the hospital had papers to get her visit free, or some taken off.

April 10, 2009
7:50 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Yes I have checked I have paper work for the oregon health plan coming there is a chance that they can be covered by that but its going to take 2 months. I have explored all other avenues So we shall see I really hope that they can be covered. I know that my husband and I wont be but if we could get the kids that would be fantastic

April 10, 2009
7:51 pm
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From my experience the gov does its best to help the kids. I mean it helped me get a lot. So without their help I wouldn;t be here.

April 10, 2009
7:52 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Im trying

April 10, 2009
7:54 pm
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I am sure you are. There should be a way top jump on an emergency thing to get it faster. Or it may be online.

April 10, 2009
7:56 pm
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Randomwomen2
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My isaiah hes 2 has a hernia it looks like and most hernias require surgery. I have looked and looked sweetheart Heck I cant even get him into an urgent care doctor until next saturday because they require 50 bucks to be seen.

April 10, 2009
7:58 pm
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Same thing with the urgent care. I went in before and had no insurance. I hurt myself pretty badly. Because I had to pay for it myself they gave me a discount and the docotr gave me some free stuff without writing it down.

A lot of times you can get deals esp when dealing with kids. I know you are looking, but I am telling you from my experience.

April 10, 2009
8:02 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Yeah I will see what my options are when i have money to take him. ITs just too much stress sweetheart.

April 10, 2009
8:04 pm
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I understand. No one wants to see their kids sick. Heck no one wants to s ee any kid sick.. That will work for your benefit. I saved 200 when I had to go to urgent care.

April 10, 2009
8:35 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I wish that I could get him in today but thats just not possible. I actually cut myself twice today one just didnt seem like it was enough. They are not deep at all though and will go away in just a few days.

April 11, 2009
11:21 am
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Randomwomen2
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Wow I kept on having nightmares that my husband found out. Good grief and now I have a terrible headache this morning

April 11, 2009
3:06 pm
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sunshine88
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hi random, hugs to you.

i couldn't follow the thread, but i just popped in here to share some hugs and prayers for you. it sounds like you're in a lot of stress, and all i could pick up is that your child needs surgery and you're under financial constaints. am so sorry, i can imagine this stress... i had a little girl who suffered the operating table 7 times, and i was jobless at that time...

hope you get all the help you need, and all the grace you need to go through this. big hugs for you.

April 13, 2009
12:30 pm
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StronginHim77
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Dear RW -

I am quite sure that your husband knows you are cutting, but has no idea how to help you with it. Therefore, he just turns a blind eye and pretends he doesn't see it. But he does.

I wish with all my heart that you could talk with him about it. Have you spoken with you friend, Kari, lately? She does you so much good.

- Ma Strong

April 13, 2009
3:03 pm
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mamacinnamon
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RW;

You are NOT stupid. As w/ any addiction you are gonna have times when you fall. Instead of thinking of yourself as stupid try getting up and brushing yourself off and say 'how bout that' and try again. You know I've lived w/ an addict for 17 years now and I believe the reason I have stayed is because he does get back up and try again when he falls. You can do think hon, but if you look at it as a failure then you'll be down and more likely to do it again. Put the mental note in your head and say "I AM gonna get past this". You can do it; I have faith in you.

As for your child, I'm so sorry. Folks have given you some great places to look. Be diligent and keep trying. You might try some of the local charities too like Shriners or United Way. I found a counselor for my daughter that way and got her in w/n 2 days where when I was searching everywhere and was bein told 2-6 months. Sometimes even if it is not their specialty they will steer you to where you need to go.

Best to you (((((RW)))))

April 13, 2009
9:58 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I have looked and looked and all I do is get declined. I have checked out united way and got declined there as well. But I do take my son in in the morning to be checked out. As for me I will be ok eventually.

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