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Stuck in a rut that is sooo deep
August 12, 2008
10:41 pm
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metromint
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I am sure most of us have been stuck in a rut. But when does it turn from a rut to "it's just easier this way"? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to pull yourself up and move the heck on? It's about being with someone that I know I stay with cause it's easier then breaking up. It's staying in a job that I don't like but that too is easier then looking for a new one. It's about laying around and sleeping because that is easier then finding something to do. Most of this is because I am scared - I am fifty and all of the above, to me, should be in place. This is not where I thought I would be at this age and I guess I'm lost and I don't know how that happened. I've spent the last 4 years helping my son through his drug addiction and now that he is doing really well, I see the areas in my life that were neglected. So, I guess that's how it happened. I lost myself and I know that - but to be totally honest, I don't even have the energy to do the work - I do have the desire though, but it's not enough to push me. Sorry to ramble -- it's feels good to finally get it out of my head - so thanks for letting me do that.

August 12, 2008
11:04 pm
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marypoppins
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Metromint,

I finally broke out of a 17-year rut, and it started with one small change, which led to another, and another, and so on. With each change comes confidence and the courage to take another step.

Look at the obstacles and/or excuses which are keeping you stuck. Do you think you might not be able to afford living on your own? Do some calculations. Figure out how you might consolidate some debt and lower payments. Refinance your car. Update your resume. Research the field you're interested in. Take an adult ed course in something that will give you an edge. There is so much information on line.

Fear, especially fear of the unknown, keeps many of us stuck. However, when you make even a small change and see that you survived it, even enjoyed it, you have the motivation to keep going.

I'm 46 and twice divorced, from the same man. I didn't think I'd be learning to date again and forming new friendships at this age, but I am. Now I'm managing the house on my own and taking care of my daughter. The confidence I gained from change in my personal life helped me in my professional life, too.

Hope this helps. By facing your fears and making even small changes, you'll begin to see yourself differently.

Mary

August 12, 2008
11:16 pm
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metromint
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Thanks Mary - you are an inspiration. And, you are correct, it is fear of the unknown. I want to tell you though that I do live on my own and have been for about 15 years now (divorced) - wow, that's a long time. So I can take care of myself financially (for the most part). There is a growing thought that has been running through my head. I am not sure if I like being on my own completely anymore, I have always prided myself with that, not so much anymore. But - I don't know if I can commit to the guy I am with either.

Ugh - it's crazy and I know there are people out there who have way more serious problems then mine...thanks for listening.

August 12, 2008
11:19 pm
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marypoppins
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Also, be sure to acknowledge even the smallest step. Posting today is a step. Pat yourself on the back for that. No need to take everything on at once or even to impose a time frame on things.

Good luck to you! You can do it! You've already begun.

August 12, 2008
11:23 pm
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metromint
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Thank you Mary. That was a perspective I didn't see.

August 12, 2008
11:26 pm
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marypoppins
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Your concerns are just as important as anyone else's. Congratulations on your independence. Perhaps when you feel more satisfied with one area, you'll have more clarity about another area. You also might consider journaling so you can sort out your thoughts.

Keep posting. I'm happy your son is doing well.

Mary

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