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stuck dont know help
April 24, 2001
11:49 am
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niceguy
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I meet Leann 3 years ago and she was living with a frind of mine I found out that he was beating on her so I was a frind to her our frindship turned in more I wanted to save her she left him and we moved in to gather I found out a lot of bad things that she had been through as a young girl rap bad mom and dad. we where to gather for a year and half I thought I loved her things started to go on like she was talked to one of my frinds from work but we went out with him and his girl as a group well I could not deal with this so I just started taking every thing out on her well I guess I just pushed her to him now she is with him and I still haved to deal with him at work some times its only been two weeks know. I'm scard of my self because I dont know if she wanted to come back I mite take her in and I know thats the wrong thing for me. we started building a house and I dont want to go on any more with the house it reminds me of her to much . our age may have been a factor in our problems she 20 and im 27. just need some body that does not know me or her to give me direction .

April 24, 2001
8:09 pm
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Molly
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Well, my first thought on this is to let it go, if you love them set them free. Some of us learn not to rescue, change, and to look for healthy people to have relationships with, but then again, we need to know what a healthy relationship looks like. 1) look into relationships, and co-dependency 2) find a group and share, and learn 3) finish the house, and celebrate the profit, put it on the market now if you like perhaps some one will want to buy it and finish it them selves, it could be good therapy every time you hit the nail with a hammer. If you take her back, it most likely won't be the last time. She needs to do her work, and not run from man to man. consider your self lucky that you learned who and what she is before you invested more of you into this relationship. We learn our most signifigant lessons the hard way, sorry, guess its human. Focus on you, and take care of its self, your friend deserves her, right????????? Some friend.

April 25, 2001
10:47 am
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niceguy
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Thank you Molly that is just what I was waiting to here every one that I have to talk to is my mom dad or friends they never liked her from the begining of our relationship so I needed some out side input thank you every day is looking better. would like to hear from you .

April 25, 2001
11:18 am
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Molly
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It is amazing, how in the thrust of lust, we sorta go blind. We don't give the signifigance to those closest to us sometimes, because we think we know what is best for us. Our parents often have clarity and only our best interest at heart, we forget that sometimes, caught in the rebellion, to discover our own individual identity. We live in a time where life is confusing with distorted morals and values, growing up way way to fast. we get damaged in the process. There are so many walking wounded, that it is difficult to distinguish healthy from unhealthy, then we begin to comprimise for the connection, and get confused as to what is acceptable, vs unacceptable. Sad, but true, the unhealthy are so much mor accessible than the healthy. It seems ok, until they cross some sort of signifigant line. Then we really get confused, try to make it work, put so much of our selves into it, and come up short. It is not supposed to be that hard. Take some time out, be selfish, self loving, self focused, get strong. We must get more serious in the dating game, we must look at each and every person, as a potential life mate, is this the woman I want to be the mother of my children, how are her morals, how is her stability, what does she bring to the relationship besides satisfing my immediate needs? We need to be more careful and not go to fast, or deep until certain criteria are met. Be picky, get the best of the litter, know what I mean?

April 25, 2001
12:22 pm
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niceguy
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thanks molly I know where your comming from this is helping me so much!!!:)

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