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struggling with an addict
May 29, 2006
2:41 pm
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annabelle1484
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September 29, 2010
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Hi, I am new here, but I need some help... I am recovering from a drug addiction, I have been sober for 2 years now, which is great.... but now I am struggling with codependency... my fiancee and I have a 6 month old son together. We have been going through some tough times, I have been compromising my happiness for over a year now trying to deal with issues with my fiancee. We split up a month ago but he still randomly pops in to see us.... doesn't call or anything... well today I found out that he has relapsed and I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! I want to help him as much as possible but I know that I can't save him and at the same time I am very angry and sad...... does anyone have any advice?
-Annabelle

May 29, 2006
2:59 pm
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Anonymous
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September 24, 2010
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Hello, Annabelle. And Welcome.

One thing that is very tough to accept, is that we can not save them. You have every right to feel angry and sad. That IS something we can do, however, we can not control the choices of another.

I think the only healthy thing you can do at this point, is to let go, and allow him to find his own bottom. This is difficult, because we love them, and don't want to see them hurt. But they HAVE to get hurt and feel the consequences of their own choices. This is the only way they will want help.

And you also have to stay focused on your own sobriety. His problem is HIS. You must stay focused on your OWN health. As well as your child's. I wouldn't allow anymore unexpected visits, especially if he is using.

Just let him know, that when he's ready to come to healthier choices for himself, then you and your child will be there. But until then, you can't risk the outcome of his choices.

This is ONE time you need to put yourself FIRST, as much as you care for him and love him, take care of YOU and your child. When he's ready, he'll be back.

(((Annabelle))) I've been there, and I'm now going thru it again with my daughter. Be strong! It's the best thing we actually CAN do for them, by doing nothing. (OUCH! I even felt that one!) Just be there when the time is right. Right now, it's not.

Sending thoughts and compassion your way...

Jennifer

May 30, 2006
6:56 am
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smarterone
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I agree with jen, oh yeh, it is going to be hard but, try. You can be there to pray with him, advice, but let him know if he wants to keep his family he has to get help.

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