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Struggling..trying to find myself..I'm lost...Soulsister
May 23, 2006
6:59 pm
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sleepless in uk
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Soul I am so sorry for all you are going through and I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and am so impressed with how you have found the strength to get through this and still show how much you care for others and their problems...

I'm not a great one for prayers but I am thinking of you and will be thinking of you tomorrow.

your little one is lucky to have you for a mum.

May 23, 2006
8:20 pm
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Soulsister
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Hi...sleepless..

We've talked about the judicial system before, haven't we?? At least I think it was you. Thank you for the encouragement and support.

I'm not making excuses for him..he did what he did..but..this past two years of trouble he has been in..is what he is facing..he has no the other prior history. It really had to do with not being able to deal with his son being taken from his mother and not being able to get custody of him because of his pending 1st charges..and he just went down hill from there.

When I met him...he had been clean for only about 7 months..I'm not sure when he started again. I think he has used since he was very young.

He has not had treatment since he's been an adult..I believe he did at 16 or so..I wish they would give him at least one chance..but I know it's not going to happen.

I'm not sure whether to take our son or not..tomorrow to his court hearing..and possible trial..any input on that would be greatly appreciated??

Thank you for all of the support...this is pretty much my support system. This site..One friend and my mom..not his family ..though.

May 23, 2006
9:16 pm
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readyforachange
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soul...your son is 3, right? I think that this would be an awful lot for a three year old to handle. He probably won't understand what is happening and it may be confusing and frightening to him. If you can visit him in jail like you did yesterday I think it would be better than bringing him to court with you. Not sure if that's the right advice, but it's just my opinion.

You're right, the judicial system is a mess. There really is no such thing as justice, and I'm not sure there ever was. I wish I had the answers...all I can say is I will be praying for you. (((soul)))

May 23, 2006
9:18 pm
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Anonymous
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Hey, SS. I'm sorry for what you are going thru. I've been there, more than once with my XH. It is very scary and it causes unbelievable anxiety.

I never took my kids with me to court. I didn't want them to have that image in their minds of their dad. They had enough to remember without adding that on. I never even took them to the jail to visit, partially at his request, along with my own beliefs. I did take them, one time, to see him when he was in the work release program, where he was able to work, then return to lockup. But I only did this, because I was moving from the state, and wanted to make sure that they saw each other before we left.

Unfortunately, during that visit, a child molester passed by our table, and my XH went OFF, and almost attacked the guy for even looking our way! I told him to please sit down, and handle it later, if he felt the need to. The girls saw this, and still remember it, but at least they didn't see him in a fight, (thank God!)

Anyway, SS, I can truly relate to what you are going thru, and my heart goes out to you! I don't have the right answers for you, but for me, I finally reached a numb enough phase, where I HAD to back away, before I lost ALL sanity. Yes, I felt as though I was abandoning him, feeling like I was the only one he had, that still was there for him. But I reached the point, where he had to learn on his own, or else I was going down WITH him. And I couldn't allow that to happen to me, and especially to the girls.

We are friends now, and he is recovered, after doing 5 years. I know I've shared all of this with you before, but I just want to remind you that there IS hope, and some of our choices are not easy ones, but still worth the time and consideration concerning all involved.

(((Soulsister))) I love ya', and keep your head UP! šŸ˜‰

Jen

May 23, 2006
11:00 pm
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StronginHim77
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Dear Soulsister...

I will be praying for you and your BF. God bless and strengthen your weary heart. I am so sorry that your BF made such tough (and tragic) choices. The judicial system is not known for its "compassion," so he may, indeed, do the 6 years. But I will pray that the Lord has mercy on him, touches his heart and brings him to recovery from the addictions and pain which put him in this mess, in the first place.

Love,

Strong

May 24, 2006
1:24 am
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Soulsister
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Thank you all again..I can't tell you how much it means to me to have people care and give me support..

I talked to him tonight..he is scared, too. So am I! I told him I had people praying for him..and he is very thankful. I do believe he really want to change his life..I don't know if he is capable of it..in the real world...but I really do know that he really wants to be clean and free to love me and his kids.

Well, tomorrow is going to change our lives..but at least we will know what we are looking at...

I love you all..and than you again for all of the kind works..prayers..and love....Soul

May 24, 2006
7:17 am
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sleepless in uk
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Hi Soulsister, sorry I couldnt get back to you last night.....lots of stuff going on at home that needed dealing with...and of course our times are different because Im in the uk so sometimes I am sleeping (or trying to)when all the posting is going on.

Anyway I am so keeping my fingers crossed for you and hoping that the outcome today is the best it can be for you and your son and your boyfriend and his other son.

When I read your posts you always seem so open and caring and I think you probably help a lot of people.

Please let us know how it goes today

big hugs
sleepless

May 24, 2006
8:18 am
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IrishGirl
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(((((Soulsister)))))

You are in all of our hearts and prayers! Please remember that no matter what happens, you are a remarkable women and God will see you through this!! Hugs to your baby too!!

May 24, 2006
8:25 am
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1lost1
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(((soul))), I am so sorry that you have to go through all this mess. Do not worry about what his family wants, you do what you have to.

Your b/f mother needs to step away from you and yours. She is going to hurt you. there is no obligation on your part to help any of them if they had not helped you.

You are a dear sweet woman. I admire the strength you have to deal with this situation. Your child is feeling the stress. My little one does the same thing.

The judicial system is whacky! It is an election year and everyone across the nation is trying to pull their ratings up by prosecuting as many people as they can.

I work in this field. I see all sorts of cases where the people who screwed up once get more time then the ones who screw up constantly. Drug dealers and users get more time then rapist and child sex offenders. THe system needs to be changed.

I hope you get the peace today that you deserve. Keep your hopes up. Do not involve yourself with his family if they do not support you.

I will be thinking of you today sweetie....1L1

May 24, 2006
8:29 am
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IrishGirl
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I get inspirational messages everyday, and this one reminded me of you!

"God is always giving us opportunities to move forward in life. It is God's desire that you grow and reach your full potential. Anytime you take a step forward, the enemy will try to bring opposition and adversity against you. But God also promises that through Him, you can overcome any opposition the enemy brings your way.

When you step out in faith and the opposition comes, stand your ground and keep doing what you know to do. Keep on praying. Keep reading the Word. Keep going to church. Keep walking in love and forgiveness, and keep your heart tender. When the enemy sees that you are more determined than he is, he'll back down and you will move forward to new levels of victory! Stay focused and full of joy no matter what comes against you. As you do, you will overcome opposition and discover the champion in you!"

May 24, 2006
8:35 am
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readyforachange
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(((soulsister))) thinking of you today...hugs for strength, and wishing you peace...

May 24, 2006
9:05 am
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on my way
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((Soulsister)) hope you are doing better today!

May 24, 2006
9:39 am
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Soulsister
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Good morning my (((family))) šŸ™‚ I'm drinking my coffee trying to get myself in gear. To wake up to all of these messages from everyone is the most wonderful feeling...I'm sorry I haven't been there for any of you lately...after this week....I will know more..and be able to move forward again...hopefully.

Thank you all for being there for me..it really has helped me sooo much..thank you for everything.

((1lost1)) I stillthink about you and hope all is well.

(((Irishgirl))) Thank you for the inspirational words..I needed that more than you even know..

(((everyone)))...love you all..Soul

May 24, 2006
9:55 am
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StronginHim77
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Please let us know what happens in court today. We are all here for you. I have to go out, but will check back as soon as I get home this afternoon.

Love and prayers,

Strong

May 24, 2006
2:51 pm
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Soulsister
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Hi everyone...I'm back..I just updated Blyxx on everything..I suppose I should have typed it here and not on his thread....but..anyway.
I sat down there from 8:45 to about 10:15..in the court room with all the jurors. They released the jurors..I asked why..they thought it was because they settled. I asked big "B" what happened he said he couldn't talk to me and he'd call me.

When I was walking to my car..I saw his atty running...I asked him what happened..he told me if I could run with him to his office..he would tell me. He said he had 2 charges that were felony charges that he could do prison time for. The others were all misdemeanors. The first one they had to drop because the evidence was inadmissable. The second was that he threw staples out the window at the police car..and the claim he was trying to kill him. A person to person crime is a measure 11 crime..which has a mandatory sentance of 7 years..I believe. The atty has an expert witness to prove that the tiny staple he threw would not cause a blow out and a death. That was the paperwork he had forgotten..nice to forget the one thing he has for his defense. Anyway..he is going to recommend he be released..which is not going to happen..so, he is going to recommend the judge send him to a treatment program..and that he has a D bed in a treatment program available to him right now. Cross your fingers..pray to GOD..Hail marys (thats what my mom does)any kind of strength and prayers would be greatly appreciated. He really needs treatment..and his boys and I need him....I'll let you know as soon as I hear..

May 24, 2006
3:13 pm
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Soulsister
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Well, he just called me...the judge said no to treatment. Nice eh!! I'm really going to try not to say any bad words here but that really is crap!! The whole reason he is in any of this trouble has to do with his drug addiction. Why do they not want to treat the problem. All they care about is that they send him to prison. They postponed his trial until June..so the DA has more time to build their case against him..which in turn gives his attorney more time to defend him..I hope it all turns out ok...then I can do this all over again....

What is the saying..no news is good news....I guess

May 24, 2006
3:15 pm
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readyforachange
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STAPLES????? He's going to trial because he attempted murder with staples? Now I think I've heard it all.

Oh, soul, I think this is good news! The other charges against him are not going to go anywhere, and this one thing seems so silly. I mean, if I were on a jury and they asked me if the guy should go to prison for 7 years for throwing staples out the window...come on!!!

I will pray my very hardest, and you must believe in the power of prayer...please try to believe. It can work miracles. I think the fact that they are considering a rehab program is a good thing, right?

Hang in there...I'm glad the news is good!!!

(((soul))))

May 24, 2006
6:54 pm
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Soulsister
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Well, he's going to trial for posession of a controlled substance..and eluding the police..but when he was running from them..he apparently started throwing things from the car..DUH!!! He wouldn't hurt a fly..well maybe a fly..but not a human being..not on purpose. He was high..and scared..and stupid!! He really needs and wants treatment...I don't understand why they won't let him while he waiting for trial..etc..treat the problem...if they send him to prison..where there are murderers and sexual predators..and drugs..I can't imagine it is going to rehabilitate him. Only rehab is going to do that. Long term inpatient rehab hopefully. Thank you fro all of the prayers, really..thank you all so much!!

May 25, 2006
12:19 am
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smarterone
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SS
i know what you are going thru, my husband got 9 yrs. I waited 5yrs. Now iam waiting to file, i was also afraid of him so i think it is better this way but he wont let go. But what i wanted totell you was he was on heroin and coke, eluded the cops, ran into some ladys house (she let him in to hide) then the cops came to her door and told her if she didnt let him out she would go in and he came out and got nine years cause the woman at the trial said she didnt know he was in there. Sohe was charged with burglary. Meanwhile, knowing he was addicted to drugs, he was found not guilty on the hypo they found and the drugs. The system sucks, money talks. No drug program, nothing. That girl, i called her to thank her, she told me that my attorney should have reached her before the DA did. Whatever, she lied and thats ok, under oath. She even called me to tell me he was there and gave me her address, did they check the phone records, no. but that was in the year 2000, and i have been thru hell and back and want no part of it. I also didnt have any of his kids, so you are a good person. Pray, God never gives us more than we can handle. I must admit, God must think I have 50 hands though, cause im handling alot.

May 25, 2006
8:29 am
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(((soul))), I am thinking of you and hoping you are better today!

I am doing a little better. Physically, I am drained but that is more from work then anything else.

Keep the faith...1L1

May 25, 2006
10:01 am
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Soulsister -

Thank you for the update. Not very good news, but at least we have till June to pray and prepare ourselves and hope for God to intervene. God wants him to recover, not to be punished. So, I am still hoping for a miracle from the court system...that his addictions will receive the treatment he so deeply needs and deserves.

Don't give up hope.

It ain't over yet.
Love,

Strong

May 25, 2006
10:01 am
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StronginHim77
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Soulsister -

Thank you for the update. Not very good news, but at least we have till June to pray and prepare ourselves and hope for God to intervene. God wants him to recover, not to be punished. So, I am still hoping for a miracle from the court system...that his addictions will receive the treatment he so deeply needs and deserves.

Don't give up hope.

It ain't over yet.
Love,

Strong

May 25, 2006
10:27 am
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Soulsister
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Smarterone,

I was reading up on plea bargains..what is so wrong about it is..people admit guilt to a crime they didn't committ ..rather than be guilty on the things they really "are" guilty of..in order to do less time. Treat the addiction. That is my take on it. Send them to treatment..over and over again. I would rather, as a tax payor, pay over and over to try and get people help..instead of putting them in prison..not get the help they need..and come out to do it again. Statistics say..the chances are that once in prison..most people go back. Gee...I wonder why??? It is all obsurd to me. Wouldn't most people rather pay tax money to put them through rehab over and over..or pay tax money to have them sit in prison..playing basketball and watching tv..and DOING DRUGS! YES, there are more drugs available to them in prison than in the real world. My bf was offered meth in our county jail, in this past month. It is all so frustrating to me!!

Soul

May 25, 2006
8:19 pm
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SS, my XH said there were lots of drugs in prison. I don't know about the location of you all, but where he was, there was NA in prison, and different groups for him to attend. Also a bible study, if one wishes to go that route. It came down to *choice*, and whether or not he wished to return to where he was.

He had time to think, and set goals for himself. And now, he respects his freedom more than he ever did before.

I know this is SOOO tough, SS. And I'm not trying to be a downer here. I'm just hoping to find ways of helping you cope, thru this nightmare. Something to hold onto and give you hope, should he actually have to stay there longer than hoped for. Hang in there, Honey!!

(((SS)))

Jen

May 25, 2006
11:19 pm
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soulsister...want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Hope things are going well for you...hang in there šŸ™‚

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