Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
struggling.....(art angel)
February 20, 2005
6:22 pm
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have decided not to do anything about my ex boyfriend writing in my guestbook at my art exhibition at school. I think it was his way of trying to relieve some guilt that he has. I don't really care. He is still with the 17 year old. Now I think she is 18, though. Whatever. It doesn't matter, I know he is not the one for me. I am still struggling with loneliness and codependency. I bought 4 self-help books last night. I graduate in 11 weeks. I know that's a short time, but it seems like a LONG way off.

I have serious doubts about my abililty to be happy in life, to make myself happy, to CHOOSE to be happy. That seems weird, like I somehow "can't" choose to be happy. I don't know.

I am having serious doubts about finding a man who will be right for me. I don't see that happening in my future. I know I shouldn't say that, but it's a feeling I have.

I am having serious doubts about my ability to continue. I'm not sure that I want to sometimes.

art angel

February 20, 2005
6:37 pm
Avatar
tenderheart
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My feeling about: "I am having serious doubts about finding a man who will be right for me. I don't see that happening in my future. I know I shouldn't say that, but it's a feeling I have."
I feel like that to, but I am really being fair to myself by saying that?No. Give yourself a chance. You are still building your life and completing goals that you have set out for yourself. You need to be happy with who you are and there will be someone for you in which you will be happy with. Otherwise if we feel like we will never find that person, it will probably be true. Care about yourself and the right person will see it and love you for it. Stay strong. -Tenderheart.

February 20, 2005
6:58 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Art angel,

"I am having serious doubts about my ability to continue. I'm not sure that I want to sometimes." Those times are very hard to see past- I know how you feel. It is not your fault that you are feeling sad, and it sounds like you are blaming yourself for a normal response to heartbreak- a very human experience. People write all these books, talk a lot of SHIT, but the truth is- you cannot just CHOOSE to be happy. Yeah, you can do a lot to make matters worse, but there are other factors involved. This is why we have to work so damn hard to cope with the less than perfect reality that life presents us with.

You can only do what you can do- and believe me- you are worth every effort- and don't stop trying. But don't let some self help author fool you into thinking you are more powerful than you are.

Sometimes things just suck and it takes us a while to bounce back. It's natural. From where you are now it may seem like you will suffer from this break up forever, and maybe there will be a place in your heart for this guy- but you WILL heal. Pain has it's purpose- but I doubt it's there because you want it to be or because you are doing something wrong.

You've made more progress than you realize. Take it easy on yourself. Keep posting.

hugs-
ella

February 20, 2005
7:05 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi art angel,

You are not alone. We all have these fears, even the most devout Christian!!!

I read in one of my books that "Fear is false evidence appreaing real." Fear is a lie that comes from Satan. He does not want you to grow. Because you are blossoming and becoming a healthy person, he doesn't like it. So he tries to attack you. Ignore his negative talk.

As for feelings, they are deceptive, we should not rely on them.

Read the Bible, the Psalms, is the best for discouragement and depression. Pray, talk to God like your talk to an intimate friend. Tell Him what you want (a mate). He will supply this need at His perfect timing. This is what I do when I get scared or nervous. Believe me I get uplifted and optimistic.

A teacher once told us that "Fear is the perception of one's reality and not to the truth."

Here are some biblical verses which I recite whenever I am nervous, afraid, or doubtful of God's grace:

- Whenever I am afraid; I will trust in You. (Psalms 56:3)

- we walk by faith, not by sight(feelings). (2Corinthians 5:7)

- I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

- And my God shall supply A L L your needs according to His gloriuos riches in Christ Jesus. (Phi 4:19)

I will keep you in my prayers, sweetie, keep us posted about how you feel!

Love and XXXXXXXX

Rasputin

February 20, 2005
7:19 pm
Avatar
peacesoul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Art Angel...I am glad you chose not to let your ex's visit get to you.
I feel for you because I am in your shoes as I type this. I am only 6 weeks into my break-up (the 2nd one with the same idiot) so I know exactly how you feel when you say you are lonely and are losing hope.
I am 38 and have been through much in life and have felt this many times, but you know what? I came out of them all a better/strong person.
Whether we like it or not, the universe/ God pushes us to the better places in life. Right now you are being pushed to a place that will force you to take a long look at youself and change for the better.
Look at this pain like chemotherapy....it's sounds odd but listen up. Your incorrect path in life is like a cancer and to get rid of cancer we need chemo. As we know chemo makes us very sick, but the end result of that sickness is healing.
The lonely times, the losing faith, the belief that there is no hope for happiness is the effects from the chemo....but once this chemo is over, we will be better.
I still cry every night and every day, but it's a good pain on my road to healing...
Don't let ANY man make you feel less than what you are.
This ex of yours is only a grain of sand on the HUGE beach of life...he does not determine who you are. You do that !
You are brave....keep strong cause you will smile again...trust me !

February 20, 2005
7:34 pm
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for your responses. I feel sort of like I am committing incremental, gradual suicide. I don't know how to get better. It's been almost 6 months since he broke up with me. And I have very accurate and sharp memory, so every song I hear, I remember things from our relationship from-- I remember where we were, what we were doing, if he liked the song, how it made me feel, etc etc etc.

I just feel so trampled and crushed by life. Just everyday life. I don't even want to live, most of the time.

February 20, 2005
7:54 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Art angel-

I hear you, I really really do. Sometimes I can't even get out bed on my days off. So I really know what you mean. All the classic symptoms: food has lost it's flavor, fatigue, etc.

What both of us, or anyone in this position should know is- that other people have been there too. As simple as that sounds, that is one of the great beneficial aspects of this site. Not because "misery loves company," but because of the opposite. Because we can hear from people who have been there and have these experiences in their past.

Can't you, yourself, think of a time in life that caused you such grief that you never thought you'd get over it? Maybe this is a lot bigger than what ever that was- but it will pass too. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around that one myself, but it does work at crisis moments. I've done incredibly self destructive things in bad times, and I FINALLY learned to hold on to that. I have a feeling you are many steps ahead of me!

Please hang in there!
-hugs
-ella

February 20, 2005
8:00 pm
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you Ella. Very much.

I think I am in despair. I've tried so much, and I don't seem to be improving. I just hurt all the time. I guess I even hurt a lot during my relationship with my ex, BUT there were times when I was with him, that were some of the happiest of my life. I think that is why I'm having such a hard time. I miss constant companionship. I miss having someone to laze around with on a Sunday afternoon.

How can I even justify being so sad over losing him? He was horrible to me mostly. He was dishonest, incredibly selfish, and immature. How can I just gloss over everything and say well I was happy some of the time. Were those times really the only time I've been truly happy? I don't think so. But I don't know how to get past this. I am stuck, very badly.

February 20, 2005
8:18 pm
Avatar
msguud
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear Miss Art Angel - come on girl.... you are gonna get over this. I felt the same way a month ago. I still feel bad that we broke up. I still miss him. But my heart is healing, and just like Peacesoul said above, he's a grain of sand. I'm gonna believe that and press on. Yes, it still hurts, but I'm not going to let it get the best of me forever. And you know what? You're very young, you will find lots of loves yet. Trust me. You will. Don't get so stuck on him that you can't see what else is out there. I hope you make yourself go out and do things. Just think of your art exhibit. Man, what a fabulous accomplishment to be talented! You are really going to go places, I'm sure of it. Take care, try harder missy. I think of you..... and a big fat hug to you, okay?

February 20, 2005
8:30 pm
Avatar
pedalsa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hang in there. I have been in the same boat and an really starting to come out of it. I won't listen to the music we liked, I put a picture of my Dad, a really good man by my bed, i exercise all the time and blow out the bad energy. I have reconnected with my girlfriends. Get out and stay busy. pamper yourself. I think for me it has been the pain of an immediate emergency seperation (I caught him lying again) rather than missing him. He too was immature, selfish and unappreciative.

February 20, 2005
8:59 pm
Avatar
tenderheart
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You can get through this. Don't lose your identity to this man. Remember how you felt when you had him. Imagine what it would be like if you were still with him and going through the problems you may have wished to get away from. I have faith good things will come. I am pretty sure you have family that loves you and would not want you to do anything to harm yourself. He is not worth it. (Your life) - Much HUGS - tenderheart

February 20, 2005
9:31 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

art angel-

You don't have to justify missing him, or any of your feelings for that matter. Feelings are not the same as actions. They also are irrational and do not always reflect reality the way it is (Feelings aren't facts). It IS hard to lose that person you spend all your free time with, cuddle with, etc. Even if the guy is a jerk! You once loved this person- warts an all. The fact that it wasn't a perfect situation doesn't change that there is now a void.

Think of this as a transitional phase. It is uncomfortable, and painful. But never feel like you must justify your feelings of pain. It's hard to feel like it's not going to end, like you won't have the stamina to get through it, and you're only human for getting frustrated once in a while. It's the stuff of movies and song lyrics.

You just owe it to yourself to pull through this though. It takes a lot of effort, and time. Eventually, you will have a life that is different from the old one. It may happen so gradually that you don't notice. That's the weird thing- this painful stuff seems to hit us like a ton of bricks- but the healing is a lot more subtle and gradual.

You help people on here including me so I know you are very much aware of all this. You are just overwhelmed right now.

Stay with us and keep posting,
love,
ella

February 21, 2005
12:34 am
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Update Me

February 21, 2005
12:34 am
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Everybody-

Thank you for your kind words and support. I do need it. Tonight I was seriously and honestly entertaining the thought of voluntarily committing myself to a hospital. I don't really want to, but it's just that I was so down and my options are running out. It's been almost 6 months, and some have said that I should be doing better than I am. I did have a setback with him writing in my guesbook, so that is causing a lot of hurt and pain right now.

Sometimes I think about myself and I imagine this healthy, spiritied/fiesty, very intelligent, pretty, long-haired, blue-eyed young woman with a heart of gold, who is most comfortable in a jeans and a t-shirt out in the sun, who is ready to take on the world, who is graduating college in 3 months, who is going on to grad school, who is healing and getting better day by day.

And other times I imagine the loser, the ugly, immature, whining girl, who got dumped for a high school ditz, who was lied to, who spends most weekends utterly alone, reading and just whittling the hours away, who will never find anyone to love, who will be lonely and isolated her whole life, who is committing social suicide, who feels sorry for herself, who wants to die, who just doesn't feel like she's worth a penny.

I feel like the second girl most often. I feel like I will never be happy. My mom keeps saying stuff like I'm making a self-fulfilling prophecy by saying all these negative things about me and my life. I don't know. maybe.

I think I ought to get to bed before I write a novel here though.

thanks for listening and reading and responding.

much love

art angel

February 21, 2005
12:36 am
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

What the heck is that Update me thing about? I didn't post that.

Weird....

sorry.

February 21, 2005
1:06 am
Avatar
sam33
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Art Angel,

I found a web site about
happiness. I found it very
helpfull.

http://front.csulb.edu/tstevens

February 21, 2005
2:29 am
Avatar
bonita1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Art Angel,

Go and get help. Talk to a couselor, therapist, priest, somebody that you can talk to face to face about your suicidal feelings. I've been there, wanting to stop the pain by ending it all... Please, please, please, get help, even if you have to go into a hospital. You do matter and the loss of your presence would deprive the world of your talent and your family of their beautiful daughter or sister or auntie. No man is worth that! Not ever! Big Hug for you! :grouphug:

Love, Bonita1

February 21, 2005
10:12 am
Avatar
gazelle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear, sweet, open-hearted, kind, pretty, wonderful art angel! You describe exactly how I feel now (though I'm much older)/ & have always felt, to a tee. But yet you are overflowing with kindness to others, warmth, intelligence and creativity and have SO much to give! As soon as you emerge from your shell, like a beautiful butterfly from its chrysalis, the creativity of your Art will spill over and manifest itself in creative Living. May you flourish anew as the burgeoning Fresh New Springtime calls to us from all of Nature!
Many blessings of comfort & hope to you, as you approach the crest of your Life's new wave.
Much love, gazelle. xxx

February 21, 2005
10:18 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey art- You have given me much support and strength so here I am.

First and foremost, DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE, when you have no hope you have NOTHING. Have hope that you will find another person a better person. LIfe does improve when we learn the lessons we were meant to learn.

I will tell you a secret. I AM STILL struggling every day with the break up of Mr. Jack and that was back in November.

I too have realized that he cheated on me, and that it just plain sucks. It is the worst feeling and the funny part is I said something to him about it in a voicemail and nothing.

I might be dead wrong on it, but I do believe that instincts are pretty accurate.

I signed up for a cooking class, have started to crochet, and other things like that. I have become utterly boring but I know that ONCE I get through this, I will be such a stronger person.

You will too. This will give you strength and character which will enable you to find a great person now.

I am sending you lots of love (and I rarely do that for anyone)

February 21, 2005
12:08 pm
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks everyone.

I am feeling a little better today, but tired.

off to take a nap, will write more later.

thank you for the support and love!

art

February 23, 2005
11:29 pm
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tonight I was feeling a sort of disquiet inside...like I wanted inner peace but couldn't find it. So I just put my pajamas on and started to dance around to rock music. It helped a little.

Sometimes I really do think I take life too seriously.

I think it is dangerous for me to hope for someone better to come along, that I will find love again. At least for now. I think it would be a bad idea for me to be in a relationship right now. I do have the chance to be in one--my friend's younger brother is interested, but, I just don't think that would be good right now.

Anyway enough rambling. 'nite, and hugs,

art angel

February 23, 2005
11:52 pm
Avatar
SweetAmanda
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Love to you AA! (HeHe, funny that your name's initials is the same as the world-famous support group) I love those steps.

Anyways, I'm about to go to bed too. I'm gonna look at a MaryKay catalog, and write down everything that I could ever want out of it. LOL Even though I have no money... I'm actually in debt. But I can dream, right? =) Then I will go to bed dreaming of lip-gloss! *Sigh*

(((Hugs)))

I told this to Gully, it's a quote from a book, sounds like you could use it now too.

"Cry when you want to, laugh when you can"

~Amanda~

February 23, 2005
11:57 pm
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Amanda, I like that quote. I like to go "shopping" online and in catalogs too even though I have no money either.

But just wait, after I'm done with grad school, it will all be worth it. I hope. 🙂

art

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
23
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111047
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38581
Posts: 714357
Newest Members:
jron1945bas, juliaopty, uoi, jamescortes, rickymorgan3165, anna11
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information