not ma strong, but sending up prayers for you.

Katarina -

What you are experiencing is fairly common for anyone who has endured a series of traumatic losses without a "faith-based" system to stand on, throughout this process.

First, let me extend my sincere sorrow to learn of your mother and your grandmother's deaths. It is so difficult to lose those closest to us, who form such an integral part of all our childhood memories. Life, as you knew it (before experiencing their deaths) will never be the same, again. And that is a painful Reality for each of us, one of the difficult Rites of Passage that separates adults from carefree young people. (Yes, this is part of my criteria for TRUE adulthood...losing some of those persons who form a precious part of our Inner Circle and learning to live without them.)

Without a faith-based system of hope and emotional support, we perceive these losses as permanent, rather than as a temporary (if painful) separation. And this can give birth to a fearful awareness of our own mortality. Yes. We are mortal. And yes. We are all going to die. The questions are "How?" and "When?" And we can become morbidly fearful (rather like the first year med student who catches every disease he studies).

You know in your heart that the mole is OK. You do not have cancer. You are fine. But you are stuggling with that deeper awareness of your own, eventual departure from this Life to the Next. I would encourage you with all my heart to begin exploring and developing your own spiritual beliefs. Reach out and find Someone to trust in and stand on during these difficult days. Help is out there. Not necessarily traditional, religious platitudes. That is not what I am talking about. But discovery of a loving HP who will be a true and compassionate source of comfort and support to you.

Begin your search. Find Him. And the fears will go away. And peace will come.

- Ma Strong