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stressed out and need help
June 13, 2002
7:36 pm
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Racine
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September 30, 2010
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have boyfriend, been asked to marry him.have five months before the wedding. Issues are coming out. He thinks I'm cheating on him.I dont listen to him. mutters things under his breath. He puts me on a pedalstal. He comes home at night and yells at me for everything or nothing.he blames that on his job. he told me that would happen. he can't handle stress very well. he says he remembers everything. he says I'm controlling. He says I'm trying to change him. I don't do anything unless he wants to do it. when he does yell or swear I let him get away with it I don't get back at him or tell him to get out. I love this man very much and don't want to leave him I want to work this out.
any words?

June 13, 2002
8:38 pm
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Molly
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This is the beginning of the rest of your life.
Till death do you part, and suicide, and murder are not part of the bargin, nor should divorce be an option. Think if you had a child, how would this child be effected by the current circumstances? Because when you have a child there will be a ton and a half more stress. Ok, so you don't want kids, what about when the dog craps on the carpet, and he gets home before you do. Ok so he doesn't handle stress, that doesn't mean you get to be the punching bag.
There are lots of suggestions for anger management, stress reduction, communication skills, work shops, seminars, programs, and counseling.
Known this guy long? know his parents? How was he raised? is this the dynamics of his family of origin ?
I think there is a marriage test some where on the internet, use your search engine, answer the questions honestly, write your feelings down, and look at them later. Honor your intuition. it is easier to deal with a cancelled wedding, give up the fantasy, and deal with reality TODAY, than going with the flow of the program , just because, that is what gets most women in trouble. You can even postpone the wedding, tell him you need to think about it, discuss it with him. if you can't there is the biggest sign there is, and just say no, until you can. Marital difficulties just get worse when you seek solance out side of the marriage, or relationship, work with him, work on you, good luck.

June 14, 2002
12:33 pm
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Cici
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September 24, 2010
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If you say nothing, then you aren't helping the problem. BY being quiet and enduring you do nothing but slowly increase your growing sense of dissatisfaction and unhappiness. How can you ever feel fulfilled if you don't communicate how that can happen?

Sometimes we do things and don't realize the impact they have on others. It's very common because human beings are by nature self-focused - that how cognition works, we see the world through one set of eyes and one point of view. Sometimes it takes someone holding up a mirror to be able to see what damage you're doing to those close to you.

June 14, 2002
5:04 pm
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gingerleigh
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How old are you Racine? Why the rush to get married?

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