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strange story... help!!!
March 16, 2006
12:42 pm
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bubblegirl
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ok here is my strange story. Pls respond! I have mother issues. For example at 17 I had a nervous breakdown triggered by my mom ranting at me how awful her life was, etc. So our relationship is "emotionally charged". For the last 7 years my mom has been in love with an alcoholic Catholic priest who was renowned for leading women on and then dumping them and also having angry outbursts on parishoners. He has recently been kicked out of the priesthood and it appears now has married another woman the one he was fooling with when he was kicked out. My mom is convinced that ex-priest and her (mom) are soul mates and God has promised they will marry. Twice the police were involved instructing mom to have no more contact with him but she thinks it was a conspiracy by another woman who was threatened by her. My mom spends hours analysing him, how dysfunctional his relationship with his wife is bc he doesnt really love her, how when he heals he will leave his wife and come to mom so they can begin their ministry of helping others heal, etc. She practically stalks the guy (drives by his house repeatedly, even when a passenger in other ppls car she asks them to drive by it, etc). I have visited 2 psychologists who both say sounds like my mom is delustional and obsessive but she says she knows what she knows and they are just crackpot shrinks who dont know anything about Spirituality. She has even phoned one of my friends to get info on him when she found out my friend has a friend who knows the priests wife. Yesterday I "lost it" I am SO DONE with this situation but don't know what to do. Twice this week she "dropped by for a chat" about it. I repeatedly have asked her please don't talk to me about it anymore it upsets me and she tells me "well I NEED to talk about it thats MY NEED and I have to honour my need and if you cannot listen to what I have to say without getting upset then you obviously have big issues and have a lot of healing left to do and those are YOUR ISSUES NOT MINE." She has done a lot of 12 stepping, etc. so she considers herself healthier than most ppl. I tell her, if you need to talk about it find someone appropriate to talk to, just don't talk to me about it. Of course I have issues I need to work on... in trying to deal with this situation I am trying work on my issues!!! I remind myself constantly I cannot fix or control her but I can change me, I just want it not to affect me so profoundly and I don't want her problem to be mine and to get sucked back into it! Its like a vortex! Anyone have advice? Thanks!

March 16, 2006
1:09 pm
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taj64
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Im not sure I can advise but mostly listen and offer. I think you did exactly the right thing when approaching your mom. There is such a thing as overkill with problems. You cannot listen anymore since she refused to believe that she needs to give up on this man. She needs counseling of some sort but how do you do that when she is in denial. You have a perfect right to be angry with her and say so. Don't be bullied, not even by your own mother.

March 19, 2006
1:00 am
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codyrn
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Hmmmm... my sister dated a priest....or well let's say "they were friends" ......whatever that is supposed to mean. None the less I understood what you meant when you made reference to your mother having worked the program so to speak.....why did she do that...was ther an addiction present in the fmaily?

March 19, 2006
1:48 am
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on my way
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I think it is good that you can see the truth or the difference so to speak. It hurts a child when the child seems more together than the parent. Don't feel responsible for your mom, if she is going to change she will have to do it on her own. I would advise you to talk to a youth or college age miniser/leader at a church, just to involve yourself in something postive. Try a non-denominational one for a change. And keep your focus on you, ok? Let your mom have her delusions if you want to call them that...she will wake up one day. So sorry, I know this seems crazy to you, but you sound intelligent and you will get through this.

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