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stop procastinating and do it yourself
September 1, 2011
1:39 pm
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zarathustra
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Most members here know me, I haven’t posted in about a week or two, ive been in school, and going to the gym, and dieting. Now as a member of this site I see many members posting there problems, asking for support (myself included) and do NOTHING to change their lives, they set future deadline dates for goals and things come up along the way and they cancel, or worse, people admit to having a problem, admit to wanting change, and DO NOTHING. They literally type away how they are depressed and cant stand it, I remember an instance when a person admitted to hate sleeping around and swears to stop, and the next day they would post that they did it again.

 

Look, I DID NOT WANT CHANGE. I do not want change.  I did not ask for change, I asked to please for god’s sake! Let me die in peace! But nooooooooo!!!!!!

 

That would be waaaayyyy to easy. My best friend, an amazing woman whom I love dearly, nagged me nearly DAILY, and she told me it was actually hurting her to see me waste away. That was the shot in the testicles I needed to get my rear end in gear. I enlisted in school, got gov. grants to pay for it (THANK GOD) and I am taking 5 classes,  I am on a less than 1200 calorie a day diet, and I work out Monday Wednesday and Fridays, I run an average of 3-4 miles a workout.

 

I HATE working out, I HATE my diet. I don't even need to diet, I am actually perfectly healthy, a little overweight sure but healthy. I quit smoking too. I did not want to quit smoking, do not want to diet, do not like working out, I hate meeting people, but I did it. Why? Not for my damn self that’s for sure. But because my best friend who seems to care more about me than I do myself pretty much guilt tripped me into it.

 

I am not going to lie, its not easy, its not fun, but in the long run it will MOST LIKELY make you happy. I wont lie, classes are somewhat entertaining, I find it funny how I haven’t been in school in over 5 years and I was never a good student, but in college I am.

 

My writing my get published in school which means A LOT to me. not to mention I haven’t seen this many women in my life. Its hard for even me to not be interested. Bottom line, I didn’t ask anyone for help, I just got up and did it. And its not easy, but I am SOMEWHAT enjoying it, and working out is getting easier, ive already lowered more than 5 minutes from my 4 mile jog.

 

So people, if my crazy, non-optimistic, egotistical ass can somehow find a way to “better” himself (as you people would call it, I call it becoming a woman) then I accept no excuses from anyone. i come from a rough background like everyone, some have worse without a doubt, but never excuse your future solely because of your past.

 

Hope everyone is doing ok.

September 1, 2011
1:57 pm
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TroubledXYZ
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i have made many many changes . i dont sit here and complain and ask for support and DO NOTHING. yes some days I cant seem to get up and go and i want to give up. but I am constantly working hard to stay mentally stable and make the changes I need to make as best I can. so please dont come here and lump everyone in to one group. I have worked hard and I'm proud of it.

in fact, i dont usually speak up - so this is a change for me. lol

September 1, 2011
5:48 pm
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haythere
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Z & troubled, both of you deserve standing ovations.  No one can make you change, only you can do that and you both have taken steps to make your lives better.  No excuses, just doing what you need to do. Sometimes it's not fun, but a whole lot better than just wallowing.  Keep on doing it!

September 1, 2011
6:30 pm
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curious64
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TroubledNM  - I am so happy to see you here speaking up for yourself.   That is progress.  You should be so proud of yourself. 

Z - good luck going to school.  That is quite an accomplishment.

Haythere -Good to see you here.  Hope things are going well.

 

HUGSSmile

September 2, 2011
4:12 am
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TroubledXYZ
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Thanks Haythere,

Thanks Curious

Z - my apologies. Your post just struck me wrong last night. Congratulations on all your successes and making the effort to do something to change. All my best. TnmSmile

September 5, 2011
10:46 am
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zarathustra
miami, florida
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troubled i have no idea why you took it personally, i was talking of people who procastinate, you are not procastinating and therefore - i was not speaking of you,

 

and also, i honestly dont think i deserve congrats for doing any of this, i mean these are things i SHOULD have done, i still  (jokingly) curse out my loved ones for forcing me into it. but think about it, sure i never wanted to do any of this, but that doesnt mean i SHOULDNT have. you are basically crongratulating me for dong the RIGHT thing, i never understood that, now if i manage to STAY away from smoking, ace all my classes, and meet an amazing woman and NOT impregnate her, THEN  PLEASE! throw all those congratualtions my way, but i havent eaned them yet.

 

thank you though seriously, i wont lie, dana tells me nearly every day how proud she is of me and she called me like a dozen times because she was so nervouse for me on the first day of school (which i find hilarious, must be like what its like to have a family) and that made it alot easier, but again, i dont think i dserve those congrats. at least not yet lol

 

thank you though again. hope everyone is doing great

September 16, 2011
11:42 am
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samantha2
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Good for you, Z - I'm glad to hear you are doing so well. I haven't posted for a little while - been busy with work, but just took a few minutes to check in and see how you are doing. Keep it up!

September 18, 2011
7:47 am
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zarathustra
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thanks samantha, it really isnt easy. im surrounded by 18 year olds who still havent seemed to realize that this is their future their fucking around with. nothing pisses me off more than a kid who thinks its cool to be a fuck up. im not a fuck up cuz its cool, im a fuck up cuz im fucked up lol

 

i did somthing REALLY dumb that i think is funny but probably no one would agree with me, i asked dana if it was ok to re carve the word forgive on my leg because its kind of fading a little bit, SHE LOOKED LIKE SHE WANTED TO KILL ME. i instantly apologized and said i promise i wont do it, i did point out that i asked PERMISSION to do it, thats progress in my opinion lol even though i went ahead and did it any ways. i like that scar. i see it every morning. thank goodness she does not see me naked. a friends girlfriend was drunk yesterday and was kind of grinding on me. i literally threw her on the sofa, luckily it came out as funny, but yeah i dont tolerate that stuff. it was her birthday and she was drunk but still. that was wrong of her. oh well off to do 5 hours of online math home work. im talking to quite a few lovely young women in school, nice girls. i hate dumb chicks. i cheated ALOT this weekend, i smoked and drank and ate whatever i want. dana was out of town so i figured i get away with it. also got another tattoo, i am going to get yelled at that later but i like it. hope everyone is having a good day

October 5, 2011
12:01 pm
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samantha2
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Hang in there Z - I have confidence in you. You are blessed to have a friend like Dana. Have you thought of tatooing "forgive" instead of carving? Ouch - that sounds like it hurts.      Cool

October 8, 2011
9:31 am
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zarathustra
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wow i havent been on here for a while, busy.

 

samantha - you know i honestly dont know which hurts worse, carving or tattooing, ive almost passed out a few times from carving but thatsbecause i WAS doing it with some dull blades and you would have to repeatedly go over the same spot to cut deep enough to scar. good question though not sure whcih hurts worse, carving is alot HARDER as you do it yourself.

 

but i dont believe in forgiveness, i used to say i dont think i deserve it but that doesnt mean i shouldnt seek it, besides it turns out it isnt fading at all, i shaved my leg out of curiousity and it turns out the dark hair just made it seem like it was fading, trust me those suckers arent going anywhere, i even found some old carving i forgot about, like "liar" and "overman". i completely forgot i did those lol

 

things are fine for me people, one of my dogs got injured and we are debating whether to put him down or wheel chair him for life, if we put it down i said i would do it alone, and of course the moment i said that dana smacked me across the head and said she will not allow me to do that alone.

 i am debating whether or not to ask this young lady out, she is 18, i am 22, i think thats a bit much but dana says its fine and so do my other friends, but she is also a bit young in the head if you know what i mean, she plays video games, dresses like a ten year old tomboy, and has never drank, never been in a relationship, i feel like if i date her i am the one to introduce her into adulthood, which if it doesnt work out between us i think will make me feel like shit, and when i say adulthood i dont only mean sex people, this girl is basically a child in a womans body, i am going to introduce her to pretty dresses, manicures and pedicures, and parties, could be good, but like i said, if we break up for whatever reason i am going to be like her first "love". does that make me an asshole to introduce her to that stuff knowing full well the relationship will most likely not go past a year?

 

i mean i just dont want to "corrupt" someone. i swear to you all i would never force her to drink or NEVER EVEN EXPOSE HER TO DRUGS. and IF she wants sex, i will make her wait a while, make her be positive she wants it, i am in no rush to be a girls first, i remember my first and how much she fucked me up, i do not want to do that to someone else.

 

any opinions on the matter?

October 10, 2011
12:14 pm
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Watermoon2
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HI Z-

My sister told me the story of how she andher now husband started their courtship.  She was always studying in this room downstairs in the dorm where they lived.  He mailed her a letter through the school sytem.  She said she got the letter and she knew it was a risk to answer it.

 

18 isn't too young for a 21 year old as long as both parties are compatible and respectful of the process of getting to know each other. (which you glaringly are).

 

We never know what is going to happen next do we?

-watermoon

p.s. I hope you are studying telecommunications so you can pursue that radio talk show host idea that I feel is your destiny.

 

 

 

October 11, 2011
4:45 pm
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zarathustra
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thank you watermoon, im actually getting my associates in english literature, i might switch over to communications for my BA, or stick to english, ill cross that bridge when i get there.

 

anyways while the 18 year old girl is perfectly LEGAL, something i knew and was not scared of, she is still a child at heart, she does seem to be interested in me, i would be more than glad to be her friend.

 

HOWEVER. i did meet an AMAZING woman, my age, with red hair (my weakness) AND SHE HAS A LOVE QUOTE TATTOOED ON HER HEART. yup, if there was ever a woman i would like, she fits the bill, AND SHE IS AN AMAZING WRITER. her poetry is phenomenal, i actually was NERVOUSE about talking more to her, i mean when i first met her there was no tension or pressure because i wasnt looking at her romantically, but after i realized what a freakin AWESOME chick she was i was sold hook, line, and sinker. she is religious, but not all in your face about it, and seems open to different opinions. seriously, i have NEVER been this actracted to a woman. EVER. let alone this quickly.

 

chances are i am going to get flat out rejected, or something along those lines, i know that, but still, even as a freind this woman IS AMAZING. have to have her in my life. i like her that damn much. i annoyed dana for a full day about how should i ask this woman out, so far all i got was a friend request on facebook lol, i privately messaged her today, moving at a snail pace i know, but i am in no hurry to fuck this up.

 

hope everyone is having a good day

October 12, 2011
5:44 am
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Watermoon2
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Hi Z-

If you have to have her as your friend,  you will.

 

There was this guy who I was not attracted to at all - I mean zero attraction - would never even consider/think of him as a possible mate for me.

Well,  he liked me and I was so not into him I didn't even know that he liked me... he was so far off the scale I never even looked at him like that at all.

Anyway,  he just started being there for me ... all the time.   Before I knew it he was my friend.  Although I have to say I always had him in an 'other' category in terms of friends,  because, again,  he was just not someone who I thought of like that at all.

 

And before I knew it he was on my short-list of friends - he was always someone I could count on to be there for me.

 

So,  here is to making friends with people who we choose to be friends with.... 

-watermoon

October 12, 2011
5:46 am
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Watermoon2
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p.s. all this stuff is just so stimulating and distracting,  yes?...  can be fun and can be obsessive!

 

Have fun!

 

I was an English major.  Then I got an accounting degree.

October 12, 2011
2:42 pm
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zarathustra
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lol yeah i havent been surrounded by this many women in a long time, i forgot that people LIKE me.

 

as it turns out a very old friend of mine is a "mentor" or manager at the apple store, he has recently hired a new batch of people, one of those people is in my art apreciation class, she is very sweet, nice, and she is attractive, i just honestly never looked at her that way, my friend called me up asking if THAT was the girl i was interested in, i replied no, she is just a nice girl i talk to, apparently THAT girl likes ME. while i am flattered, i honestly just dont see anything in common with this woman, but my friend says she is a great chick, he "vouches" for her, (something my friends and i do, we only vouch for a woman we think would make a great girlfriend) so because he vouched for her, i kind of have to take another look at her, he was really pushing her for me, and i trust his judgment with women, no harm in talking to her more right?

 

besides the real woman i want scares the shit out of me, i have no idea how to approach her, although not to sound like a 15 year old boy, i sent her a rather flattering letter over facebook and today she literally went out of her way to greet me today and smiled when she saw me, and gave me this wierd hand shake where she held my palm. this woman is different. i like her more and more.

October 14, 2011
10:06 am
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Watermoon2
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Hi Z,

I wouldn't go for the woman your friend is pushing on you as you didnt notice her yourself.

You aren't that interested in her - if you were you would have noticed her.

Do her a favor and let her go.

this is just my gut on this one.

 

Re: the woman who shook your hand in the interesting way - if she went to all the trouble,  she probably likes you.

But don't take this for granted.   Be very respectful of her and towards her.

If you want to win her,  you need to win her trust and respect.  You being ultra respectful and not taking her for granted will do this.

 

Wow:  I can't believe that I am giving YOU advice.  this is weird.

Just be your regular charismatic self. And when you feel afraid that you might be losing yourself,  just stay open !   - that's the best part...

take all real, slow and easy.   Good things come from slow and easy ... and quiet too.

Best wishes,

watermoon

October 14, 2011
10:08 am
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Watermoon2
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p.s. we women love it when you express yourself to us!  we love it when you dare to be vulnerable - yourself - with us.

October 16, 2011
8:57 am
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zarathustra
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lol yeah i did notice the irony of ME asking for help here. its kind of hard to see an easy solution when your soo close, sometimes an outsiders perpective helps since they see things from a distance,

 

i would have to disagree with you watermoon, women always say they want a vulnerable man but thats bullshit, they want the strong and powerful man to have vulnerable moments, but thy dont want a vulnerable man. if i pour out my heart and look like a "vulernable" person or guys call them, a biitch (lol) then she will be turned off and wal away. i need to appear cocky, arrogant, funny, sweet, but also awkward to make it seem like i am not perfect, and the awkwardness will be my vulnerability, she will see this smart proud guy, and then he is awkward about something and THAT is what she likes. no that hard for me to pull off lol i am a vulnerable person no matter how much i may hate to admit it, i plan on asking her out tomoro after class, i am going to go up to her and say this:

 

"her veronica, listen i apologize in advance if this is too forward of me but i was wondering if you would like to go out sometime? like have dinner and a movie, get to know eachother better"

 

might leave out that part about getting to know eachother better. i think this is a good, simple way to ask her out, she thinks i am hilarious and very comical, now i approach her humbling and polite it wil throw her off, a good plan.

 

and for the record YES i put this much thought into everything i do lol

October 17, 2011
12:09 pm
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Watermoon2
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Hi Z,

And if I was attracted to someone and they came right up to me and asked me out, I'd like that a lot.

I'd see that as being assertive and strong.  but I'd also see that as the guy being vulnerable as he is putting himself on the line with me.

Showing me his cards that he likes me enough to just ask me out.

 

by now you most likely have asked her out.  If she is smart she'll tell you she has plans and make you work for it, right?  as the woman is the prize and it is her game.    (my friend Z told me this).

 

I hope it works out, Z.

-watermoon

October 17, 2011
12:10 pm
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Watermoon2
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veronica!

wow now there is a name.

 

I hope that doesn't make you Archie!

October 20, 2011
12:59 pm
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zarathustra
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HAHAHAHA im sorry but i find it HILARIOUS that I, the creator of THIS thread, is PROCASTINATING about asking out this lady, now there is some irony for you.

 

lol watermoon my name is chris, while i do believe name attractionis a big thing on first impression, i am not crazy about her name, i am honestly just crazy with her, she has these eyes that tell you that even though she is very forwad and conversationally provacative, she is holding back, i have a feeling she comes from a disfunctional background, most writers do, she was even kind of trying to strike up a conversation with me last class. i have to act and fast. i will only see her once next week, and i better do it. i cant pussy out now. its time i cowboy up,

 

also dont know if i should bother mentioning this but i got into a fight two days ago, with my father, he was drunk and hit my mother so  beat the shit out of him, havent told anyone yet, dont think i will either, i am starting to dislike being the person that is expected to open up and everyone doesnt know how to help me, especially since i am not asking for help. dana is a prime candidate, she wants so much for me, i dont want ANYTHING. i want to be left the fuck alone! what i wouldnt give for a week with out talking to ANYONE. just quiet and smiles and sunsets and sunrises on the beach.

she loves me very much, but she doesnt REALLY understand me, she tries, and tries to be there for me, which is far more than anything i could ever wish for, and i DO tell her that constantly. but i have already learned that i cant tell her, or let alone anyone the truth. its better to just lie, and i know everyone is going to say the truth sets you free, never been the case for me, telling the truth makes things worse.

October 24, 2011
11:20 am
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Watermoon2
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HI Z -

My dad's father was an alcoholic and he told me a story once about how he hit him in the face and knocked him down when he was going after my dad.   He wasn't proud of this but he also felt that he did what he had to do.  And his father never bothered him again.

 

Good luck wtih Veronica (if you haven't already asked her out).   It sounds like she does like you.

Life is short.  Life is full of risks.    We have no idea what might happen next.

 

it is amazing what we humans survive,  go through... endless 'life' .. we are something else.

 

I wish you the best, mister man.

-watermoon

October 25, 2011
5:46 am
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zarathustra
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lol watermoon i have not hit my father once, it has happened many times and he has beaten me many times, its alot calmer now because he is old and he knows when i get angry i am not the child he used to beat.

 

and i have always believed life is too damn  LONG personally, lol if only i could die for like a few years and come back, death to me feels like a much needed vacation, except you can never come home afterwards. sounds good but we all secretly know home is where the heart is and we all secretly want to be home at the end of the day. and my home is on the sofa watching movies with my best friend.

 

i would lik to say something that i found adorable and amazing. the other day i was a little upset and with dana, i was smiling whenever she was looking but she gave me an upset face and said "your not smiling!" to which i said "yes i am look!" and then she said "but its not reaching your eyes!"

 

i burst out laughing and she felt better because it was honest laughter. that woman was upset because my smile DIDNT REACH MY EYES. you cant make this shit up lol

 

any ways NOW i am hesitating to ask out veronica because there are other women taking interest in ME. same class too. you see i am the non-fiction editor, and we have recently had a few staff meetings, veronica is on poetry so i dont see her often except when there is a general meeting, but i have a lovely young lady who seems interested in me, the usual signs, sits next to me out of no where, asks info about me and stuff, the problem is i DO like her, if i ask one out i wont be able to ask the other out, so i have to weigh out my options, especailly since in all honesty veronica is the one i am crazy about, i saw her take this wierd standing position and it showed me how flexible she is, MY GOD THAT WOMAN COULD ROCK MY WORLD. man i wish i was in better shape! damn my lazy summers! dana like a good big sister insists that she will love me, and she cant wait for her to become my girlfriend so that she can tell her about how nervous i was to ask her out. of couse if dana does that i will KILL HER. i love that woman lol

 

good day to any readers, i got class now, wanna hear something funny? my assignment was to illustrate and describe what kind of funeral monument would i like. HAHAHAHAHAHa. PERFECT assignement for a suicidal guy lol

October 26, 2011
9:48 am
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Watermoon2
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HI Z,

I'd say take your time with Veronica.

When you are ready to ask her out you will know you are ready and there is nothing in the world that will stop you from doing so.  ~!

Wait for that time to come to you and in the meantime enjoy seeing her and getting to know her casually... and enjoy the attention of all these other smart women who are attracted to you~!

 

I know EXACTLY what I want on my death monument:

my name

birth and death dates

and then the words   "It is what it is."

I've got my whole death planned out - I know where I want to be buried- I want to be cremated and just stick the ashes in a shoe box - don't want an urn....   i want to have a death party (like a birthday party) at someone's house.

And I've written up something that I want to be read at the death party which basically takes care of any unfinished business.....

Death is going to happen.

I figure it is smart to just take care of the business and figure out what I want - otherwise, some people will make up their ideas of what they think I might want.

 

Btw - my dad died August 28, 2011.   So death is with me strong lately.

 

-watermoon

October 26, 2011
12:45 pm
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zarathustra
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oh wow sorry to hear about your father watermoon, i didnt know.

 

but i get you about the planning ahead thing, i never really cared what happened with my remains but ive been told by close friends that they want a spot that they could go to and FEEL like i am there. so i said cremate my ass and spread my ashes over a flower patch and take care of the damn flowers! lol

 

also i wanted my personal library to surround my ashes, so that whenever someone comes to visit my ass they could pick up a book and read, isnt that thoughtful of me?

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