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stop me from calling the ex please!
September 4, 2003
5:19 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi guys,

I haven't written in a while the ex-boyfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago and i can't get him out of my mind. We broke up because he's not all there right now. We've been on and off for 2 yrs. now... We mainly broke up because while we were at a club i saw him slap some girls a$$. I told him i need some space and i need to think about how i could stay with someone that would blatantly disrespect me like that in my face not to mention (he thought i didn't see him do it). So after i take my couple of days to vent i call him and say i'm ready to talk he then proceeds to tell me he doesn't think he wants this anymore and he's going on elimidate (OK)!!! ouch that hurt... but he leaves all this on my machine at work so i felt like someone hit me with a hammer over the head..I was devastated i didn't hear from him for 2 weeks and i didn't call him but then i couldn't deal with it anymore and called him and asked him what he was thinking going on a dating show and how disrespectful that was... Ofcourse i convinced him how we should get back together (hellloooo he disrespected me and i am begging for him back). So we got back together and 2 weeks later he dumped me again cuz he said he just can't give a 100% right now... He's 25 I understand he's still young... Ughhhhh

Anyway i had knee surgery and called him about a month ago to tell him what happened and i told him when i was getting the surgery he said this is just to much for him right now..Needless to say he didn't call me after the surgery... I haven't spoken to him since August 1st...This is the longest i have ever gone without talking to him or any ex-boyfriend for that matter. But today for some reason it is extremely hard i want to call him SO BAD right now but i know i can't but the urge is scaring me... I also know he is not himself right now his dad is on trial and the family is a mess and he is the oldest son..so when things go bad (this trial has been going on for a while) he runs...he always runs...

Help...i don't want to call him i'm sick of looking pathetic...what do i do... i know he loves me and misses me but he's in his party mode and ignore the world mode...
it hurts so bad. any advice would be appreciated.

September 4, 2003
5:25 pm
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Anonymous
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"This is the longest i have ever gone without talking to him or any ex-boyfriend for that matter."

...or any ex-boyfriend???

This is a pattern for you then. You grovel at their feet and they walk on you.

If you call, you are saying "you win, you are worth everything and I am worth nothing, but that's ok with me...I agree with you".

He wins....but doesn't care.

You lose....and care too much.

No one can force you to be strong and have self respect and stop offering yourself for rejection. But I hope you don't call....and tell him to spit on you again.

I think you would be better to stay at home and read a good book. Lot's of self-help books around to buy or get from the library. They will open your eyes. Subject: Co-dependency.

Drop that phone! for your sake...

September 4, 2003
6:17 pm
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Anonymous
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You sit on my hands to prevent me from emailing and I'll disconnect your phone for you, how about that?

September 5, 2003
12:11 pm
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ok sounds like a plan gingerleigh... thanks for the advice guys... i know if i call it will be a big mistake and it will only hurt my self esteem all over again...but gosh do i miss him when we're in a relationship it's great when we're out i become needy and want him more than ever it stinks... but stomache is always upset and i'm just constantly thinking about him and what he's doing and where he is...jees it's been 2 months when will this torment end.

September 5, 2003
12:12 pm
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Anonymous
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It ends when you get too busy to think about him any more. Seriously. And then it truly ends when you start to meet more people (romantic interests or not) who treat you with the respect that you deserve, and you stop craving that painful contact with the ex. Honest!

September 5, 2003
1:05 pm
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Anonymous
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When a new cutie walks by and smiles. But first you make sure HE is not going to mistreat you too....and that you won't let him.

There are lots of fish in the sea.

Why stick with a poisonous one?

September 5, 2003
8:50 pm
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lyn, u sound so much like me......

it is so rude what he did!!!! why didnt u slap him in front of this girl?? and am wondering, did this girl do anything to him???

September 6, 2003
4:14 pm
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Anonymous
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how bout i join u lyn and gl......if we email or call that person, u cut a finger off. haha. i am just kidding. but i am also in the need of help.

September 6, 2003
4:38 pm
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I am already signed up for online dating to find someone new.

I cried over my estranged husband all morning and afternoon, and now I'm cried out for today. I get happy imagining myself with a NICE man. After all, that is what I wanted from my husband. He didn't bother to be nice.

I am planning to take it VERY SLOW with anyone new and be honest with them. But just going for a coffee or a walk will be nice.

September 6, 2003
4:59 pm
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Anonymous
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lyn....how is it going?

September 7, 2003
6:59 pm
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Anonymous
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If I did the finger cutting routine, after all these years I would certainly owe a few. *grin*

September 7, 2003
8:22 pm
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lyn,
from an evolutionary point of view, men want to mate with as many women as possible. what are your thoughts about that? nothing personal, i'm just curious as to what a woman thinks of this.

September 7, 2003
8:28 pm
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Anonymous
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So do women.

September 7, 2003
11:21 pm
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wrong unhappy camper- i dont!

GL- i would owe a lot of fingers.

September 8, 2003
11:34 am
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Actually, not all men do either... and a lot of women do... depends on the person, methinks.

September 8, 2003
1:59 pm
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Hi guys,

wow lisset i feel your pain. I would also owe a lot of fingers gingerleigh... Unhappy camper you go girl, go on those dates and have fun...

As far as guest_guest comments go I could care less about evolution and to be honest with you what does that have to do with my post at all... Are you trying to make me aware that he wants to go out and hook up with other people (thanks for the wake-up call) as if i didn't already know that. I think your comment was very inappropriate and very insensitive....

As for everyone else thanks for your support. I have not contacted him and will continue to remain strong.

September 8, 2003
6:55 pm
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Molly
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It took ice water for me to leave my ex- some of you know the whole story, but after time put my self out there, did the on line thing, and its hard, then took an ad on craigs list, and got to tell you, I got quality responses. Maybe my writing, maybe just different than the rest. I can tell you one thing for sure, I wasted a whole lot of my life with a wasted situation, and it doesn't take rocket science to know that it was wasted time. I caught a glimpse of this back in 99, but had to go back for more abuse. It feels good to dance, to live, to be celebrated, to enjoy who I am with out insecurity. It feels damn good. There are many fish out there, and its good to be able to say, finally, nope, nope, yes, maybe, nope nope, and whoah, where have you been ? Nope where have I been ?

September 8, 2003
7:20 pm
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unhappy camper
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Lyn....keep up the good work. Distract yourself and keep busy. Make a list of all the nice traits you would like to find in your next partner. Don't settle for less.

Do you think he will have blue eyes, or brown?

Just don't feel your ex is the only one for you.

I read a great article once.... something along the lines of:

The deep pain of losing someone is the thought of the lost future or might-have-been and our fantasy or projections of our dreams with them. If you stop projecting you can heal. But to agonize over the loss of a future life is not realistic because if that life was meant to be it would have happened by now. Dwelling on the projected life with him/her will prolong the agony.

I hope I can find the original article...it was so well put.

September 10, 2003
8:51 am
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lyn
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wow you guys are amazing... i know i need to stop focusing so much on what would have been and start focusing on what will be for me... this saturday is my 25th birthday ofcourse there is a part of me anticipating his call but knowing he won't.... But something clicked last night whether he calls or not it shouldn't make a difference because i don't need a guy in my life that can't make up his mind. For once i want a man not a boy.... So saturday starts a new year of my life and hopefully a new beginning....

September 11, 2003
3:38 pm
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gingerleigh
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Happy birthday, Lyn.

September 18, 2003
3:36 pm
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THUMP
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Every time I call, his voice from his machine excites me. I wish he still desired me as I do him.

September 18, 2003
4:16 pm
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unhappy camper
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Why are you doing this to yourself? Is HE calling YOU?

September 22, 2003
10:29 am
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lyn
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ok well i had my 25th birthday and i did dial his number but just before the phone rang my best friend saw me and snatched the phone away from me and hung it up.... (she's the best) so i was able to wake up the next morning with my dignity still in tact and not feel crappy about giving in and calling him... she brought me back to reality when my friend hung up the phone for me... I haven't spoken to him since August 1st. I'm doing ok..i miss him boy do i miss him but he was very indecisive and i can't go through life with a guy that wants to be with me one moment and then wants his single life back the next....

September 24, 2003
4:18 pm
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THUMP
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He's not calling me, and of course that hurts. I'm mainly hurt that he doesn't desire me anymore. Hey, we were married alomost 19 years he SHOULD still find me HHOOTT!!!!!
I know, I know, I'm fooling myself to think anything will ever happen again.
Taking it one day at a time. Thanks so much, guys. I needed all you've said to help me be strong. Trying to put my focus elsewhere.

September 24, 2003
5:25 pm
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Maybe if you keep calling him, you'll become obsessive and then you'll never be able to stop. My advice is to just fanticize about calling, not actually do it. Once when I broke up with someone, I wrote a bunch of letters - by hand, on paper - and then burned them in a ceremonial fire.

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