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Stole My Car
January 24, 2006
1:01 pm
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Jodi Lane
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In my first thread...Lost. I told you all about the man in my life. Well, thursday night he stole my car. I have worked very hard for that car and he took my keys, stole my car and broke my heart. At first I was so devistated that i could not even breath. He leaves a message on my machine that he will bring the car back the next day. Nievity sets in and I do not call the police. Guess what? He never shows. So I call the police and feel like I am the one who has done something wrong because they say because he was my boyfriend there is very little they can do. Well after much fighting on my part they finally write up a report. Then my insurance almost doesn't cover me because he had lived with me. Well now I have a detective calling me and I feel like the criminal. Ican not believe he did this to me. I can not believe he could steal my car. Inside the car was irreplaceable momentos from a friend of both of ours that had recently died. He knew how important those things were to me. He knew that I work my butt off to get that BMW. He knew I loved and trusted him more than anyone else in the world. I have not heard from him and I am not expecting to. I figure the next time I see him will be when I go to court to put that disguisting human being in jail. I fought for almost a year to help him get his life on track after getting out of jail for juvenielle offenses. I fought and cried and begged and pleaded with him to keep him on the right track. Now the thing I fought the hardest for in my whole life he is making ME do to him. Why? How could he do that. It's not really even about the car. He stole so much more from me than that. My trust in him, my belief in him, my love for him. I can't believe he traded my love for my car. I hate him. I try to tell myself he did me a favor. I probably would have never left him. Now the thought of seeing him makes me want to vomit. I'm so hurt. I want to scream so loud that were ever he is he can hear me. I want him to pay for this in so many ways. Dooes that make me a bad person. I have so much anger in me right now. If I saw him I would probably punch him right in the face. What do you do when the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with turns out to be someone you never even really knew?

January 24, 2006
1:47 pm
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Lostrose
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I'm sorry to hear he stole your car. By any chance is he into drugs? My boyfriend would borrow my car and a couple of times I was stranded for the whole weekend without my car. However, I was lucky in one aspect. I never had to worry on how to get to work cause he would show up right before I had to leave.

January 24, 2006
2:00 pm
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dalpuz
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I'll send you boxing gloves, a ref, and cooking oil. Ummm second thought no oil, I'd rather watch him fry in the skillet without help. Fry the sucker and take pictures and celebrate afterwards.

January 24, 2006
2:35 pm
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taj64
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You have every right to be angry Jodi. I hope he will come to his senses and return the car. But I hope you don't get warm fuzzies when this happens because you may set yourself up if you let him back in your life. You can replace a car even if you worked very hard for it, you can be proud of that but you cannot replace what he has done. He doesn't sound like he treats you with any respect or love that you deserve. In a way the loss of a the car will be harder than the loss of him cause you deserve a whole lot better.

January 24, 2006
5:18 pm
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angel1
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I had this happen to me..I didn't call the police they called me..I told them he took it without my permission..he got stopped..they said I could come pick up my car..I was grateful they didn't impound it..and that is wasn't wrecked..I have worked hard for my things and I don't appreciate when others feel it's ok to just take another persons belongings just because there involved with you..they should ask if they can borrow whatever it maybe and if the answer is no they should respect it..not everyone thinks this way..that's why he's no longer in my life..Angel1

January 24, 2006
7:54 pm
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Anonymous
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you could report it stolen - missing - and not tell them you think HE took it.

That way they will keep an eye out for it and when they find it - bring him and the car back to you - for you to coraborate his story that he had permission to use it.

January 24, 2006
8:01 pm
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skoopdoctaj
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I'm very sorry to hear that someone stole your car. It sounds like your relationship with him meant a lot in your life.

January 25, 2006
7:19 am
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Jodi Lane
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I don't want him back. It has been eight days today and I know he and the car are gone. If he has the nerve to show up (which I doubt) I would run not walk away from him. I don't have any feelings left for him but anger. Alicat, I'm not sure why you said I should not tell the police the truth. Don't you think he should pay for what he has done? I am just now starting to feel the pain of him being gone. At first I think I was in shock that he could do something like that to me after all I have done for him, now I am feeling lonely. But I don't miss him, just the thought of him. How I thought he was, who I thought he was. I am hurting so badly. I cry alot and have not ate or slept good in days. I want to be with my friends but I can not seem to get out of my house once I get home from work. I know everyone goes through so much pain through out our lives but I guess my question is...should we never trust anyone?

January 25, 2006
9:25 am
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funkybuddha
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Hi Jodi-Oh he is coming back! It might not be for a long while but he will be back. My ex use to take my BMW. He gave me the down payment. I paid for it but he still felt it was his right to drive it into the ground, put no gas in it, and use it as a garbage can and moving truck. He would ask me to borrow it for the afternoon and show up three days later. I would call and call he just wouldn't answer. A few months before we split, I got a ticket from Montreal Canada. I never been to Montreal. I live in the US. I just paid the ticket and said damn this guy really doesn't give a damn about anybody or anything.

Start taking care of yourself. These types of people really don't care about your well being. They just can't, too much damage in childhood has left them cold and heartless. Press charges if you can. However, you are going to have to let go of the anger and revenge. I'm not saying you don't have the right to be angry, hurt or vengeful but it will not help to act out on it. If you read through some of these threads you will read plenty of people who got there revenge. It still didn't help them with the pain that was inflicted on them. I attempted a little revenge myself. It only came back to bite me. Also because there is no empathy there, they really don't get the lessons. They just dust of, regroup, and keep going. If you are strong and secure with loving yourself, when he come looking for you will not fall for this cramp again, from him nor anyone!

January 25, 2006
11:50 am
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angel4U
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Hi Jodi,

I didn't have time to read all the posts, but wanted to at least provide a little input from my own perspective ...

#1 ... I think you did the RIGHT and SMART thing by reporting this ... and I pray they find him and that you follow through with pressing charges.

#2 ... Do not lie to the authorities. Remember that their mistrust in what you are saying is most likely due to the fact that (1) they do not know you and it is their job to get to the truth, and (2) there are unfortunately other people out there that would fabricate a lie about their car being stolen to either get back at someone (especially in a relationship situation) or to gain monetary $'s (e.g. have someone steal it on purpose to collect the insurance money).

Consistency in your words and actions is important in this situation. If you can find some character witnesses to vouch for who you are, as well as to confirm with the authorities what kind of guy he is, I think it would help your case.

#3 ... I also was wondering if this many was an addict? They do have a tendency of using people and/or disappearing, with no regards for anyone else.

#4 ... If this man does happen to pop back in with some lame excuse, I will be praying hard that you stay strong in your thoughts about who he is and how irresponsible, disrespectful he has been to you.

You asked ... "What do you do when the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with turns out to be someone you never even really knew?"

You nurture your wounded heart, and accept that there are people are out there that have such dark souls that no matter how much you try to show them otherwise, they will chose to stay on the path of darkness. (Jails are filled with them!) And use this as a stepping stone to learning what to do going forward.

I wish I hard more time to write, but be sure to follow up later to see how you are doing.

Hang in there Jodi, my thoughts will be with you!! ... And I hope this sucker gets what he deserves ... ;))

(((hugs)))

angel4u

January 25, 2006
3:31 pm
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Anonymous
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the reason I said "lie" to the police is this -

if you tell him that it's your boyfriend that took it - they say he has permission and won't do anything about it.

if you tell them that the car is missing, but you don't know where it is - they will keep a lookout for it - and when they find it - investigate the person that has it (your boyfriend). and when he says he has permission, they will bring him and the car to you to verify his story - at which time you can say he did NOT have permission and press charges.

even if they don't press charges - you would get our car back.

otherwise, they may not continue to look for it.

January 27, 2006
7:28 am
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Jodi Lane
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Well I got a call from the police and they found the car. It had drugs and drug items in it. Some of his clothes, a blockbuster receipt with a woman's name on it, an escort service card. The card smelled so bad i thought I was going to vomit. It cost me $300 to get the car out of impound, $500 deductible from the insurance $200 in car rental fees, a full days pay(because the car was gone), and who knows what else. The car will be in the shop for at least a week because basically the car is being overhauled from all the damages that were done to it. He just used me and my car for his pleasure and then destroyed us both. The cops said the car was driven hard from the tires balding spots and you could tell he had lots of people in the car(girls included). So he drives around in my car for 6 days picking up girls (pretending it's his car), putting 1000 miles on my leased vehicle and utterly humiliating me infront of everyone I know and he knows for being so stupid. Now the police say if no one says they saw him driving the car then I have no case. It's my word against his. That bull! Anyone know what I can do?? The detective was very nice but he said he sees cases like this all the time and they get away with it. I want him to pay. Yes I understand that him losing me forever might be his punishment(or so my friends say) but it just doesnn't seem right that this could be done and there is no punishment for his crime. Why? He will do this to someone else again one day and I am sure the woman he is with right now has no idea. I feel sorry for her. I hate him with every ounce of my soul, so why do I still feel so sick. Not eating and not sleeping. I just want to have my life back.

January 27, 2006
12:46 pm
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taj64
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That humilated feeling is simply the worse feeling to every have. I sympathize with you, no I emphasize with you. There is absolutely nothing you can do with this, none but move on. That really is your best revenge in all this is to get over this person. It is very hard to do. You have every right to be full of anger. But like your feelings for this man have been destroyed and your feelings your anger will slowly disappear. I think you should stay with a bit to remind you of this person. You are going to get your life back. I promise but allow yourself time. Time is not the only way but certainly very required. I understand how much you hurt right now. You have actually been saved from any further damaged from this person. Concentrate now, on your physical needs. And work on your mental needs because they go hand in hand. You cannot get better unless you feel better mentally. Allow yourself a few weeks of this really painful hard to deal with feelings. They do pass. Believe it or not. Snger is the hard part of it. I too struggle with it. But i know someday it will go away. It cannot be with me forever. I am sure there is a different way of life for me. Love will come again but next time only if it is right. It is so important to pay attention to red flags. I am learning the hard way but learning it just the same. Keep your head high, and talk here if it helps.

January 27, 2006
1:49 pm
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Anonymous
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you could take him to small claims court.

also - call that number that you found there - perhaps the girl will testify for you - under subpeona, she has to tell the truth.

use any evidence you have - take pictures, collect receipts, document everything.

you have the car back - and while it DID cost you some money - it was a small price to pay...you know the cliche - it could have been worse.

don't kick yourself - chalk it up as lesson learned - and don't make the same mistake twice.

I'm sorry you had to learn the hard way - but sometimes we have to - and those lessons are ones we never want to forget (tho sometimes they are the first ones we forget).

January 27, 2006
2:59 pm
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kathygy
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Jodie Lane,

I'm so sorry this awful thing has happened to you! How frustrating it must feel not to be able to press charges and make him pay.

You a right to every ounce of anger you feel. He has betrayed you big time. I suspect it is bringing up other instances of betrayal in your life going back to your childhood.

I also imagine that it feels so horrible is because a lot of what you are feeling now is based on the past being triggered by this incident.

I think it might help to write a list of all the times you felt betrayed in your life going back to your childhood.

When you can focus on the original pain the current pain will greatly ease.

Think back to the time you met this man and identify red flags that you overlooked or dismissed. They were there. This will help you in the future to pay attention to red flags and walk away from this kind of man.

You will then be more likely to choose men who can be trusted. Take it very slow with the next man and look for signs. Trust your gut instincts.

You didn't deserve this despiceable treatment. But the good news is that you are having a healthy reaction to the situation. You will heal. Meanwhile look for comfort and nurture yourself.

love,
kathy

January 27, 2006
2:59 pm
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dalpuz
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Buy a small hand recorder and record every conversation and phone call, and anybody else you talk to. Take him to court and fry him. Tell the Police to put a restraining order on him after you get hime to admit it. The cook em.

If that doesn't work, call up an ultimate fighting training camp, get on their good side, then give them his address.

I'm here everyday and....i don't know, I just fail to understand how you wonderful woman here allow yourselves to get abused one way or another. I mean I'm here also, but I identified the problem, and now I understand the root of the evil, and I've dealt with it. To me, it's that simple. No man is worth what some of you put yourselves through day after day. Being alone isn't that bad, in fact I love who I am, I love my dog. Get graditude, and rid of the grief, and get life moving your way.

January 31, 2006
9:23 am
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Jodi Lane
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Well, the detective working the case said he would file if I could let him hear the voice mail were the THIEF said he had my car. But as my luck would run, I switched my phone number so he could not contact me and Cingular said there was a gliche in the system and the message is gone. Also the lead the detective had led no were because the card was stolen. He said all I need is one witness saying they say him behind the wheel but his friends would never tell the truth and I really don't know what else to do. I can't let him get away with this. It is like he slapped me in the face and now is laughing in it. I'm trying to gather as much information as I can but I have a real bad feeling he is going to get away with this. It's just not fair. I am still without my car for at least another week and a half and the bills for it keep coming in. And there he is somewhere with his smug and cocky attitude thinking he is invinsible and the worst part is that he's right.

February 2, 2006
12:01 pm
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Jodi Lane
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I'm feeling so depressed and discouraged. I am 35 years old and have no children. I want a child so badly. Now once again I have wasted time with the biggest loser I could find and after all he did I was actually disappointed when I found out I was not pregnant. I sometimes wonder what I'm doing here, is it all worth it. What kind of life do you have when you can not find happiness? If I get any older than I will never have a baby and I probably will never find anyone real out there to love. So whats the use in living. No, I'm not suicidal just so lost.

February 2, 2006
12:07 pm
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taj64
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You just invested a huge amount of faith into a man who could not be available to you or give you the love you need. It is going to take a huge amount of time to heal. You will have a baby someday but with right person who will treat you the way you want to be treated and will also be a good parent to the baby you want. IF this is your dream, the it is a good dream and follow it. But just allow yourself to feel all this hurt from this man. It is part of the healing process and also to remind you not to go back. You are 35, still young. I have many friends that are over 40 and just having babies. You can do this but your goal now should be to heal your heart, and allow the grief to happen.

February 7, 2006
9:19 am
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Jodi Lane
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I hope someone is out there and can help me quickly. I just got a call from the dirt bag at work(he said he was my nephew) and he wants me to call him at lunch. Which is at 11am. I called the detective and he said to try and get him to call his cell phone and he will get him to come down and give a taped statement. I don't know if he will fall for it or even why he is calling. I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest. PLEASE remind me why I should not go back to this loser and how my life is better off without him. I know already obviously but why am I not more angry than sad?? Oh yeah, I had a dream last night that I saw him. Sixth sense or sick sense???

February 7, 2006
12:45 pm
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Notsure
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Hi Jodi, Why do you want to subject yourself to this type of [person again. You yourself acknowledge that he is a loser. He is also a thief, a liar, irresponsible, a cheater, and whatever else.

If you still choose to ignore what you have already expressed yourself and the feedback that ypu have been given by others then I think that you should make 2 lists....one of his positives and one of his negatives. Decide if you would like to be with someone who might be handsome (as a positive) versus thief, liar as negatives. I know what my decison would be. Regards. Roland

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