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Still trying to find myself.
August 25, 2006
6:13 pm
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confused as heck
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You'd think by the time someone was 45 they would know who they really are. I don't!

Am I straight? Am I Bi-? Am I a Lesbian?

I was brought up to believe that any and all relationships, other than hetrosexual, were bad and wrong. When I was about 14, I did some exploration with my female neighbor. I enjoyed it. In High School I had a couple boyfriends, but not really. They were short lived relationships. In college I had several one night stands, but I didn't really enjoy the sex. I've only ben involved with two other relationships since college. They were both based on sex, but I didn't enjoy it.I pretended to enjoy it. One relationship even got to the point that we were talking marriage, but I think that was because that was what was expected in my family.

My Parents were married over 50 years. All of my siblings have been married over 25 years. There have been no divorces, that is shunned in my family.

When my niece came out and admitted that she was bi- she was shunned by most of the family. Her parents accepted it. My sister refused to allow her daughter to see this niece for over a year unless the whole family was together. She now accepts it more.

I don't know if what I am experiencing now is real self discovery that I may have an alternative life style preference or if it was caused by my negative past experiences with men. Then again, were these caused because I would have preferred to be with a woman? Am I so afraid of what my family will say and think that I have surpressed my real feelings? I'm confused as heck again!

August 26, 2006
11:22 am
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mj
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I think these questions you are asking yourself will help you discover who you really are. I believe that being true to oneself is extremely important. Good Luck with your search. I am sorry that no one has responded. I wondered why you were out of here and went searching for your thread. I can understand that after putting yourself out here so honestly and not getting one reply would feel uncomfortable. I am a heterosexual and know with 100% what I am so I may be of no use to helping you understand what is causing you to question your sexuality. I know that friends and family have alot of influence if we feel supported or not in our quest for soul searching. My Best to YOU in your search.

August 27, 2006
7:12 pm
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capercaillie
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I think it can be confusing if relationships don't work out and then you think maybe it is because you are not feeling as you should towards a man.
I always assumed that I am heterosexual but then 10 years ago I got a big crush on a woman so I know I can feel like that but it didn't come to anytning and it didn't feel right either so I spent some time feeling confused and then had another relationship with a man that made me feel that it was right. But maybe everything isn't so clear cut for everyone and we all have to feel our way.

August 29, 2006
5:51 pm
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thumkin
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I am pretty sure I am straight although I think women are sexy and I am glad I am a woman. My boyfriend sometimes worries that I am bi or a lesbian. But I think it is more because he knows how bad I have been hurt and dont trust men. It also may be because my best friend is a lesbian. Or maybe she is bi because she has bounced back and forth. I know for her it was one failed relationship after another with men and when she found out that her mother was seeing a woman instead of a man she got very angry with her mother. I think there was always the confusion for her. I think she is less confused now but she is no longer worried about what others think about her lifestyle. She knows that those of us who truly love her love her for the person she is regardless if she is straight, bi, or lesbian. I dont know if this helps any or not but at least know you are not alone because my friend went through a lot of confusion.

August 29, 2006
6:00 pm
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southgoingzax
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my mother left my dad after 26 years of marriage. She's been with another woman ever since (10 years).

So, sometimes it takes us a long time to find ourselves. I don't think there's anything wrong with choosing an alternative lifestyle...if you are always confused about who you are, how can you be happy? I hope your family can learn to have open minds...people are people and we all need to be loved.

Good luck to you,

zax

August 29, 2006
7:56 pm
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confused as heck
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Thanks for the support! I am still searching for the truth!

August 29, 2006
10:16 pm
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trying2Bbetter
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confused,

I am a 38 year old woman and have always been in male relationships. Then, six years ago I fell head over heels in love with my best friend - a woman. I was shocked. At that time I bought some books to help me cope with my confused feelings.

I just saw your thread and thought I'd share some book recommendations. These books have been very helpful to me, they showed me that many women have these confusing feelings and it is not as unusual as I thought it was, to question my sexual orientation. Some women in the books were even in their 60's!

The books are:

Married Women Who Love Women by Carren Strock

And Then I Met This Woman by Barbee J. Cassingham, MA and Sally M. O'Neil, PhD

Lesbian Ephipanies: Women Coming Out in Later Life by Karol L. Jensen, MPH, PhD

I have always "secretly" been attracted to women; most of my sexual relationships with men have been awkward and strained. I have been told by guys I can't "relax". I think I might be bisexual, or maybe lesbian, but I am not sure. So I continue to read. In fact, I just picked up the "And Then I Met This Woman" book again the other night. If nothing else, it's enlightning to read the various women's stories and discover certain things as you read that make you say "aha! that makes sense!" or maybe "I can't relate."

I hope this was some help to you.

Take care,

t2Bb

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