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Still Think of Ex BF; Hubby Wants Me Back
September 27, 2002
9:11 pm
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GiGi
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My boyfriend and I broke-up a month ago; I still constantly thinking about him, how much I really miss him so much. I cried and feel totally depressed. He's the first guy I ever felt really deep in love with. I love him so much with my heart and it's sad that our relationship doesn't work out due to lack of communication. He's a good person and it's mostly my fault that cause our relationship to go sour. So now, my husband, whom I separated from him for almost a year, desperately want to go back with me. Husband has been visiting me and communicating me often. He hug me and holds my hand. When he did that, I don't feel nothing. When he say ILY, I didn't say it back to him because I don't love him. He's disappointed about me not saying ILY to him. Why am I not feeling loves toward him? Is it because I still loves my ex BF? How long will I recover from ex BF? I'm so depressed! (ps - I left my hubby for my ex BF, which is why I separated from him - hubby still doesn't know about the 'other man').

September 28, 2002
8:24 am
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beenthruthat
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September 24, 2010
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Tough situation. The hubby never realized you left him because of another man. Therefore you can't tell him, and try to open up the lines of communication. You must have a wall up due to that secret.

You are probably confused right now. Grieving for two recent relationships can cause a lot of doubt about where you are and where you're going.

Did your boyfriend give you strength to pull out of a bad marriage? Did he give you confidence about how you look and confirm you are a nice person? If so, don't go back to hubby because he is showing you attention.

Have you tried talking to a professional? Sometimes they can bring up things you can't see, like issues of codependence or to suggest something to help you get over your depression.

I loved my first husband for many years after we divorced. But, he was quite the manipulator and had me question myself constantly. It took me a long time to realize he was treating me as his possession and did not return my love. He was just selfishly taking. I'm not sure this would correlate to your situation, but I became stronger through my journey of self-discovery.

Think about what's best for you, and let us know how we can help. Good luck...

September 28, 2002
5:54 pm
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GiGi
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When I was dating my HB (hubby) for five years, I did not feel deeply in love with him like I have with BF (boyfriend). I made a huge mistake to pressure HB for us to get married. I remember telling him that after Christmas, I would call off our relationship of 5 years since he had not asked me to marry him. So HB had to give me ring ($30 worth) and we got married a year later. I remember I came to this close to call off our wedding during walk down the aisle, but I didn't because I don't want upset everybody. I'm a person who always worrying about other people's feeling toward me. I stayed with him because I felt like no one else would love me and he was the last one. Huge mistake.

So far, we've been married for 8 years and separated for 1 year now. I remember everytime during our marriage, we have sex in which I dreaded so much. I hate having sex with my HB because I don't feel loves. I feel dirty and unloving. I went ahead and do it because I want to make him happy. I don't even feel a thing with him at all. I don't know why. I didn't have any trouble pleasuring myself alone. I haven't had sex with my BF (now ex) because we don't believe it before marriage and want to wait for special moment.

My HB did not do anything wrong during our marriage. I was me causing our marriage to go sour because I love my BF. I want to spend time with BF. I had to file injunction againist my HB cuz' he won't get out of my house. I even lied to court that he abused me physically. Only true part is he actually verbually abused me. We share a same amt of custody of our 5 yrs old son. To tell you the truth, I hated being a mother. I just don't like taking care of our son and the responsibilities. Our son is precious and I did love him very much. I treated and cared for him really good. It just that I keep wishing myself for not being a mother. I like to be alone with no responsibilities. I guess it's a habit from my growing up - been living alone while single mom works til 6 pm. Very lonely childhood I had.

I also might think I have an attention problem. I like to look my best, wear sharpest clothes, and love to hear people saying complients about me. It made me feel good. I love men looks at me (I'm not a bad looking gal, as some thought I looked a little bit of Christine Brinkley). I get hurt or upset easily when they talk to others, not me. Lot of people thought I'm popular because of many friends who like to talk to me. But I'm actually not. I'm lonely most of the time at home - no phone calls, visitation, etc.

Since my BF (now ex) has not talk to me for a month, I have been letting my HB coming to my house and he does nice things for me, like cut grass, home repairs, cook dinners, etc. He keep telling me "ILY", kiss my cheek, etc. and I still get disgusted feeling. I don't feel loves. It's more like he's my roommate and I'm going crazy! I'm still deeply in love with my ex BF, even though I cried and cried for him. It made me so depressed that I want to get out of here and move on to other state. I want to get away from my family and be alone.

September 28, 2002
6:59 pm
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mossrose
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marriage sucks!!!

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