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Still in shock, Just got a wake up call
January 25, 2005
11:26 am
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jamaicanwife
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I just need to articulate the feelins I have, I don't have anyone else to talk to about them.

I don't know how it happened, but I have gone from being the super-responsible one with a big baby of a husband to being the big baby. Right now, I seem to have backed out of my family life, only handling the most basic functions, while somehow convincing myself that I have been managing. I really thought I was, but now I see that I was fooling myself. My husband has completely turned himself around, and I basically retired and left him in charge of life.

This is the easiest way to live my life, never making any decisions, never being responsible for myself, only taking on those responsibilities that appeal to me. This is not how I know myself, I used to be hyper-responsible, taking on everybody's problems and trying to fix them.

I don't understand how this happened, and I don't know how to find the middle ground. Helpful advice would be welcome.

January 25, 2005
11:36 am
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on my way
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First of all, I can relate. And I would tell you that what is happening is not a bad thing...if you are doing what I have done...I didn't know what "middle ground" was so to speak, so I was Ms.Reponsible, fix it for everyone, will feel happy or sad for you everyone, but when I realized this really did not work, I just quit, and did not really understand why, except that I understood both end of the spectrum, but not BALANCE. You will work your way back up to balance. May not be easy and it is different for each of us, so keep posting here. But I would not view this as negative, but a sort of mind shift for you for change, positive change. Talk with your husband, let him know what is happening to you.

January 25, 2005
11:37 am
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Anonymous
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Hey jamaicanwife,

have you seen a therapist for codependency? or gone to coda meetings? Thats a great start. I struggle with this, sometimes just doing a load of laundry is too overwhelming. I started going to Al-Anon meetings and those have really helped me, they gave me hope. To see other women go through this and sit in front of you and tell you that you too will get there. Just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time even. Now its time to take back your power, even if its one decision like what you are going to eat for dinner. One step at a time sweetie, one step gets you started!
take care,

magga

January 25, 2005
12:05 pm
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ILSILS
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hey jamaca,
dont know how you did it but if you ever do find out please let me know, i think it would be a better alternative to how i do it.

January 25, 2005
12:35 pm
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jamaicanwife
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ILSILS: It works for me, It's like being on vacation, but my husband is not coping. I have become a burden to him, the way he used to burden me.

maggalisa: I don't even know if those groups meet here in Jamaica. There is a great family counselling centre that I used to go to with my husband, but things improved between us and we stopped going. I know I have to go by myself, but I haven't even taken that step. I should have started weeks ago, but I just let it slide.

on my way: Thank you for your kind words. I'm good at beating myself up, but I don't know how to pick myself back up; your encouragement really helps.

January 25, 2005
12:49 pm
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Anonymous
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HEy jamaicanwife,

its ok, don't beat yourself up for not going. But your here now, right? When you are ready you will go, but I will admit I needed to be literally pushed out the door by a friend to go to my first Al-anon meeting. And I'm so grateful. You can look it up on the internet if they have it in jamaica. Check it out, it will help immensely. And the centre for family counseling doens't sound like a bad start in the intrum....

much luck,
magga

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