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Still in need of encouragement!
November 2, 2001
10:58 am
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Starbaby
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Thanks to everyone who responded to my last post. Ladeska, whenever I've felt "weak" and wanted to make contact, I've been saying over and over to myself "Is this want I want for my daughter?" It has helped.
I would be grateful if anyone could help me sort through the next issue though. I've been thinking about the issue of his parental rights and I want them to be terminated. He has not helped me financially AT ALL since my daughter was born and hasn't even had a job since January. I feel that if his rights are terminated, it helps me to move on. I have a tendency to think that "well, he's her dad and he should see her..blah, blah" but if his rights are terminated, them I don't feel that same sense of "hanging on." Does that make sense? I feel like I can take my daughter and not look back. If through some miracle he gets his life together, then he can be a part of her life, but right now, I want to move on. I'm new to this type of situation, so don't know if those reasons would legally stand up. He says that he will absolutely NOT sign his rights away, so can I take him to court over this and force him to do it? Its such an ugly situation and when I talk to him about it, I feel really crappy afterward.
But I'm getting so SICK of him and his lies and his laziness and I"M SO SICK OF THE WAY I'VE BEEN FEELING SINCE THIS RELATIONSHIP STARTED AND I WANT TO END IT!!! Had to yell, even though it was only in "cyberspace." It felt liberating! 🙂
Anyways, do you all think I'm doing the right thing if I go to court over this? (By the way, he says that he won't sign them over, but won't give much of a reason. I think its because he's worried that eventually, I will meet someone else who will adopt her and she will call him Daddy. I find that interesting because he doesn't want to do squat for her, but won't let anyone else do it either!
Thanks for your help and letting me vent!

November 2, 2001
11:46 am
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Ladeska
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Tough going here on this one. Not easy to do this. Very rarely happens actually. I would suggest you go to a lawyer, asap, and lay it all out for him or her and see what they say. You have to be able to prove everything, if there is abuse - you have to be able to prove it. So, you documenting everything is invaluable to you. You write down everything and I wouldn't keep it where he can get it either. Keep it at work or somewhere else. Witnesses - are very important, hospital records - anything you can get your hands on. You have to have something tangible in order to do this.

And if nothing else - you can make his visitation rights - very limited.... But, know something else - your nose has to be very, very clean because they will try everything in the book to paint you as being worse in court - so be prepared for that.

November 2, 2001
2:48 pm
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Starbaby
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That's a good point. They wouldn't be able to say anything about me...I've got nothing to hide. He was the one who relapsed and stole from me and who knows what else...
It may not even get to that point though because he can't afford a lawyer. I would like to just save all the aggravation and have him willingly do it, but I guess that would make things too easy for me and why start now? 🙂

November 2, 2001
4:21 pm
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Ladeska
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Yeppers, we can't have things easy, can we? (smile) But, yes, you need to document everything, go back, write things down, get witnesses, get everything in a bundle because of alot of things. If you have to get a restraining order - you have to go back and give dates and places and what happened....and the more articulate and exact you can be - the better and the more chance you have of getting what you want.

Just like Judge Judy often conveys - Give me something to work with here - not going to go on hear say. You may have a great sounding case - but you have to have it all down and documented - blow by blow, dates, times, places - people that were around, etc.

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