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STILL in Love with his ex of over three years ago!
August 27, 2006
9:42 pm
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StronginHim77
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cloud -

Do whatever your conscience leads you to do. Go where the peace is. If returning the money will put you back into "contact" with him, then DON'T.

He can write it off to "experience."

August 27, 2006
11:26 pm
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Good Night All

I'll check in tomorrow. Sweet dreams

August 28, 2006
5:24 pm
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cloud nine
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yes will send cheque I guess , Part of me feels i ought to , the other part doesnt want to, partly because im sort of money ,

my first day of NC , hurra

August 28, 2006
6:35 pm
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I am feeling a little bit naughty and haughty this evening and am saying to myself that this past relationship was just a warm up for the reall thing.

Today, at work, a woman I have known for years, introduced herself as a matchmaker for the first time and said she had heard both our voices talking with eachother.

So I said yes to giving me his number and as 'they' say nothing ventured ... nothing gained. Kinda strange that meeting a potential someone should happen so quickly. Yet I will go with the flow and not look back but just to today and the future.

I will only look back to the lessons I have learned. But I will not live in the past. Boy ... therapy sure has helped that. Freedom hooray!!

August 28, 2006
7:39 pm
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Congratulations "Cloud Nine"

Well done!
Only you know if its really over for good ... your good that is..

All the best of life!

August 29, 2006
5:14 am
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cloud nine
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i dont want it to be over though, i struggle with my addicted side who wants the excitement, the longing .........

August 29, 2006
6:42 pm
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For some inexplicable reason ... today was a hard/difficult day. Close to tears several times when alone. I find it very surprising that for me anyway ... certain thoughts will enter. I am working on transforming, changing their impact on me. At least I am trying I tell myself to do that. Deal with things and ask for help when I need to.

Yet close to tears and missing the ex boyfriend of three years. Feeling liberated and yet lonely at the same time. Go figure!

At least I have resolved to never ever calling him. And no real inclination anyway.

August 29, 2006
6:46 pm
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And this site is part of my resolve. Someone to talk to ... and someone to listen. It means a lot to me.

Thanks all.

Feeling grateful for what I have I guess?

August 31, 2006
5:14 pm
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cloud nine
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well done sweetie I have called him everyday , Feeling stupid ;-(

August 31, 2006
5:38 pm
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StronginHim77
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cloud -

Every hour that you resist calling him is a victory. Post here every hour, if you have to.

Little -

Sometimes, we can have days -- even weeks -- when we feel strong and at peace. Then, along comes a day where we feel gut-punched with sadness. You will get past this. I am sorry you are having a rough time of it today.

Keep posting. We are here for you.

- Strong

August 31, 2006
9:52 pm
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Tried hard not to think of him today. Wasn't as easy to move on today as it has been on other days. Journalling a bit daily and twice a day if need be, working out almost daily and really pushing it (perhaps in the hope that I will bump into him some day and he will regret dumping me!) since I look so good. (Healthy Revenge?)
Work is going well, though slowly, and I do have the distraction of gutting and renovating my house starting in September.

I guess just focussing on and missing the good times together.

Must admit though that I am a fool... an out and out fool. I found an email he had sent me 2 and 1/2 years ago stating that he was still in love with his ex and in fact that is his position, then and now. It took him to once again say it out loud which when he did was what ended our relationship.

I thought I could change his position of living in the past ... regarding his love for me. I have learned that there is no future with a man who loves in the past. What an idiot I am!!

I did ask him never to share our relationship with his next love though. It is really too painful to hear someone we deeply care for suffer and love in the past since they screwed up royally and lost their "soulmate" at least that's what he refers to her as "his soulmate".

But as my therapist says "A soulmate doesn't screw around with others which he did to this woman, and doesn't selfishly put only their needs first which he also did with her.

Thanks for listening as I expose some of the more gruesome parts of our three year relationship.

My mantra right now is .... "this too shall pass"

August 31, 2006
10:21 pm
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Please is anyone there for input and feedback, or simply to say you are there? Tough day today.

August 31, 2006
10:34 pm
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Honolulugal
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Hi Little!

I'm here...tough days all this week for me.

My ex's friend is getting together with my girlfriend and I this weekend. When I talked to him on the phone, he referred to my ex as "your other half", even though we haven't spoken since 6/27 and I haven't seen him since 7/15!

Missing him like candy, I am.

August 31, 2006
11:02 pm
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StronginHim77
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Hi, Little -

What's on your heart?

Listening -

Strong

September 1, 2006
1:20 am
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What's on my heart ... is cracks and bruises. Feeling rejected, tossed aside, and devalued by someone who doesn't love himself and therefore cannot genuinely love anyone else.

And the struggles of moving on ... and though filling the time with worthwhile endeavours still missing the companionship, humour and simply time together.

I am unable, so far, to mainly remember the negativity and frustration that was so much a part of our relationship. Praying that I will get more relief from where I am right now.

September 1, 2006
10:22 am
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StronginHim77
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Little -

I have had alot of days like what you describe, when I "forget" the bad things about my former relationship and remember only the "good" stuff...the moments of comforting companionship, someone to call when my car broke down, etc. But I think it helps us to WRITE DOWN all the negative, painful things our ex's said/did to us and keep that list handy. When we hit a "bad" day and feel ache to have that person back in our lives, it helps to read that list and remember clearly why we are better off WITHOUT him. My ex was a rage-aholic, alcoholic, totally self-absorbed, incapable of compassion or empathy for others, etc. Once -- when I was in the emergency room -- he came in, sat uncomfortably on the edge of a chair, never touched me, reassured me or expressed any love or concern for me, then announced that he had not had his dinner yet and left. Never came back. Never called till late that night and spoke with one of my sons, just to verify that I had been discharged. These are the "tender memories" which I must constantly keep alive, so that I don't go back to him for more abuse, more neglect and more heartache.

With these types of men, it is ALL about them. Yes, they fed us "crumbs" of attention or caring to keep us around, but the overall picture of how they stood by us was not a good one, was it?

Make that list. Keep it nearby. Read it whenever you feel weak or sad. It will help you immensely.

- Strong

September 1, 2006
2:55 pm
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cloud nine
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strong
you are a wise lady , im doing that list now to reassure myself that i ve done the right thing.

September 1, 2006
8:06 pm
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cloud -

You've done the right thing. Share the list, if you like.

September 1, 2006
9:01 pm
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Well have kept a "list" if you will over the years. I have kept a journal where I have shared my deepest, hurtful, frustrated, confused, and sad ruminations of our times and phone calls together.

Yet there still are, when all is said and done,...many personal benefits. The negative was often out weighed by the positive in our'relationship'. I put quotes around the word ...relationship ... since in many ways it did not meet my needs.

I think what happened to me was that I fell in love with someone's good qualities and then couldn't ultimately stand and accept and be comefortable with the bumps.

They never really do change for the better do they??

And yet I will say again, that I really benefitted from our relationship and now ... I want to meet a man who really appreciates what a great woman I am and that the best is yet to come. And what does that say about me??

Just asking, ... once again .. for input. Much appreciated. Thanks

September 1, 2006
9:23 pm
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Anyone there?

September 2, 2006
5:38 pm
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Somehow in this relationship I felt as if a goal was not how to stay together but how to break up gently and respectfully. This break up will bring out the best in me!

September 2, 2006
6:08 pm
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cloud nine
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hi there
i have been feeling sad, have kept NC for two days,
i worried about my daughter, she feels sick everytime she goes to bed, her father keeps telling me she is codependent , and that makes me so angry. I hate him labelling my daughter.

The fact is she witness he hitting me, she still remembers , The best thing I did was to leave him 4 years ago. My daughter has gone a long way . She does well at school . At times we argue because she attempts to tell me what to do and cannt stand it .

dont know what to do a bed time. Her father said to me that "your daughter is so codependent she is disturb'
I put the phone down.

but he really upset me and was in bed crying . Why is he so hostile?
i could do with his support but i get the blame. He makes me feel guilty
with his accusations.

I cant talk to him because I get lecture.

I m really sad tonight. I dont even know what he means about my daughter being codependent, or what am I supposed to do to help her?
he doesnt work or helps me financially so i feel even more frustrated.

I m doing my best for my daughter. I love her .

any feedback?

September 2, 2006
6:40 pm
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Just asking Cloud Nine ... what's the reason you are with this man. I know it must be a good one. You are entitled to better.

littlespirit

September 2, 2006
6:46 pm
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cloud nine
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little
i m not with this man , he is my exhusband, father of my daughter .all the interactions were done on the phone

how are you ?
cloud

September 2, 2006
9:11 pm
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StronginHim77
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cloud -

If he is not paying you child support or helping in any way, and he obviously does not love his daughter very much, why do you take his calls? I would cut him off.

Get an unlisted phone number.

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