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Still friends...(Jen, here)
November 18, 2006
11:44 am
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Jenni
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Well, I know I've mentioned this before, that I've remained friends with my XBF. And yes, we've still been in contact. (One of the reasons I've never been on the "NC" thread)

I've been ok with this. It has gone well. Now that the element of expectations has been removed, we talk very well and the conversations seems more relaxed.

There are many reasons we broke up. And I know there are some things I'd never wish to return to. Reasons I often need to remind myself of, in order to remain logical and realistic.

But...(I'm sure you knew this was coming, lol!) there are certainly parts of him that is VERY difficult to let go of. He still is the sweetest and kindest thing imaginable. He has the gift of compassion.

All of my girls' b-day is within 4 days apart. The twins were on Weds. and my youngest's is tomorrow. My XBF wired some money to my account to get them something for their b-days. He adores my girls and still says he loves them as if they were his own flesh and blood and wishes they were, that they'll always be HIS girls. He says, yes, even thru all of their drama, they are still the sweetest most adorable girls ever and he'll always love them. And I know he means this. He's always treated them well.

NOW...how does THIS not pull at one's heartstrings? In my opinion, this is a rare quality in a guy, when a single mother of three begins to date. He NEVER treated me as though I had "baggage". The package deal was very accepted and welcomed.

He has two little ones of his own, and he's a fulltime single parent. But there are many issues that just can't be resolved. Too complicated to go into. But when it's all weighed out, (the good and bad), well...I'm afraid some of the bad weighs just a little heavier. And believe me, when we were together, I fought and struggled a lot to try and "fix" the not so good stuff to try and balance it all out. But I finally had to step away after a few years of this. I had to accept that some things will NEVER change. The only "change" I can make is within myself. So that's the route I took.

But damn, I'll never forget the good with him. My heart is still very attached. But I've learned how to accept that and manage it without doing anything I'd regret later. This is just a very nice "friendship", and a long distant one, at that.

So...thanks for letting me ramble about this. Sometimes just typing it all out brings me back to where I wish to be, STABLE-MINDED! LOL!

Jen

November 18, 2006
11:46 am
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ggfred4
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Jen, first, good to hear from you my friend,,,and my gosh, you are so wise!!!! Yes, he sounds so special, but you seem to be taking care of your needs first...I am proud of you girl...Thanks for sharing with us... ((((jen))))

November 18, 2006
11:49 am
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Jenni
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((((GG)))) Thank you for being here to listen. I know I don't share much about my previous situation. I think mostly because some of it still isn't "previous".

But it truly helps to come here to talk, instead of driving myself crazy with my own mind! LOL!

November 18, 2006
11:51 am
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ggfred4
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Well, that is what this place is all about, but it does take guts to share it and it takes confidence in others to feel free to do so...thanks jen...And, it just brings us all closer together, okay? love ya girl!

November 18, 2006
11:52 am
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Jenni
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Love you, too, Sis! šŸ™‚ (((GG)))

November 18, 2006
11:53 am
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loverbee
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Jen, I broke up with my bf about two weeks ago and we are still friends too. The bad in our relationship was never very dramatic but we knew that we needed to end it. Maybe in the end we will get back together but right now we are just the best of friends. It is mostly because we have been together for six years now and we never really got to be teens because we were always a couple so now we just need some space to do some growing. Sounds like you have your head on straight though and although I realize NC is good for some people, I don't think it is the right answer for all of us. So good for you for thinking for yourself.

November 18, 2006
11:56 am
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Jenni
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Thank you, Loverbee. I agree with you. Breaking up is ALWAYS difficult, but sometimes very necessary. It's important that we don't allow our minds to become clouded when we know what we have to do.

(((LB))) Good luck to you, Honey! šŸ˜‰

November 18, 2006
12:20 pm
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loverbee
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I agree jenni. Good luck and I am sure that there will always be a part of you that loves him, its just that now, we love ourselves too.

November 18, 2006
1:07 pm
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cyndra820
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Hi Jenni,

It is good that you were able to hold onto this very special friendship. I am glad that you see that there was good there and remember and love him for who he is even if the bad did outweigh the good.

He sounds like a very nice man and he loves your girls. I am glad that you were able to remain friends and look at the situation realistically.

You rock!

November 18, 2006
2:43 pm
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Jenni
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Thank you Loverbee & Cyndra. Yes, he will always hold a special place in my heart. There was love, and there still is.

(((Hugs)))

November 22, 2006
10:05 pm
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Jenni
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I'm missing him.

November 22, 2006
10:13 pm
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bonni
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jen, keep true to you. get what you need from the relationship. i think the hardest is just rejecting the notion that the only relationship a man and woman can have is sexual. men and women can have deep friendships. you can love someone without being in love with them.

bonni

November 22, 2006
10:13 pm
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snowlover
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Jenni,

I feel ya girl. Its hard, isnt it? Especially with the holiday here now. Im the only "single" in my cirlce of friends, and some days i hate that.

But ya know what, sometimes i think that "single" time is a blessing. We have the time to really reflect and grow, and see what we do and dnotn want in the future.

Og course, if that reflecting could keep us warm at night, or maybe cook us dinner once in a while that wouldnt be a bad thing, huh?

Snow

November 22, 2006
10:19 pm
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Jenni
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Thank you both for posting! I'm thankful for the things I have in my life. And mostly for the friendships I've made here! And yes, the holidays definitely spark that "missing" stuff. But I'll get past it, just like I have before. Thank you, my sweet friends!

((((Bonni & Snow)))

November 23, 2006
1:07 pm
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cyndra820
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Jenni,

Your story about being friends with your ex moved me a great deal. I know my xso would like to be friends, but says he would understand if we couldn't be.

After reading what you wrote I decided to call him and start a dialog. We've had some very good conversations about what was wrong, what we wish had happened differently, and it cleared up a lot of things. I realized that my crazy-making thoughts prevented me from "hearing" what he was telling me. He's still selfish, but now that doesn't bother me as much as it did before.

Thank you for sharing this and helping me to grow some more.

Love,
Cyndra

November 23, 2006
1:32 pm
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loverbee
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Hey cyn,
I am glad you started trying to be friends cause I gotta tell you that it is such a blessing to have friends that truly know you, love you and understand you. I broke up but I am realizing how big a part of our relationship was about the friendship. We are both so special to eachother in that sense cause we know eachother better than anyone else. I am trying to believe that I can be ok without him but I guess even if you are ok, there will still be a part that is heartbroken.

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