Well, I know I've mentioned this before, that I've remained friends with my XBF. And yes, we've still been in contact. (One of the reasons I've never been on the "NC" thread)

I've been ok with this. It has gone well. Now that the element of expectations has been removed, we talk very well and the conversations seems more relaxed.

There are many reasons we broke up. And I know there are some things I'd never wish to return to. Reasons I often need to remind myself of, in order to remain logical and realistic.

But...(I'm sure you knew this was coming, lol!) there are certainly parts of him that is VERY difficult to let go of. He still is the sweetest and kindest thing imaginable. He has the gift of compassion.

All of my girls' b-day is within 4 days apart. The twins were on Weds. and my youngest's is tomorrow. My XBF wired some money to my account to get them something for their b-days. He adores my girls and still says he loves them as if they were his own flesh and blood and wishes they were, that they'll always be HIS girls. He says, yes, even thru all of their drama, they are still the sweetest most adorable girls ever and he'll always love them. And I know he means this. He's always treated them well.

NOW...how does THIS not pull at one's heartstrings? In my opinion, this is a rare quality in a guy, when a single mother of three begins to date. He NEVER treated me as though I had "baggage". The package deal was very accepted and welcomed.

He has two little ones of his own, and he's a fulltime single parent. But there are many issues that just can't be resolved. Too complicated to go into. But when it's all weighed out, (the good and bad), well...I'm afraid some of the bad weighs just a little heavier. And believe me, when we were together, I fought and struggled a lot to try and "fix" the not so good stuff to try and balance it all out. But I finally had to step away after a few years of this. I had to accept that some things will NEVER change. The only "change" I can make is within myself. So that's the route I took.

But damn, I'll never forget the good with him. My heart is still very attached. But I've learned how to accept that and manage it without doing anything I'd regret later. This is just a very nice "friendship", and a long distant one, at that.

So...thanks for letting me ramble about this. Sometimes just typing it all out brings me back to where I wish to be, STABLE-MINDED! LOL!

Jen