Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
still a wreck
April 2, 2007
11:23 am
Avatar
thumkin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am going on my third week of life without him. I know people are getting tired of me boohooing. Its just that at anytime overwhelming thoughts of the rest of my life without him come along and I cant stop crying.

He has a cousin who has really been there for me. I guess I spent too much time with the cousin this weekend and not enough time with his sister cuz now his sister is saying that I have something going on with his cousin. It hurts me really bad. She didnt even talk to me about it. Just started telling everyone. She even called his daughter and told her that.

I know he knows there is nothing going on but hes not here with me. If he were here this would have never happened. I just miss him so damn much. I want him back. I want something from him. Some sign that he is ok. That he still loves me as much as I love him. that he is not in pain anymore. some concrete evidence.

April 2, 2007
11:47 am
Avatar
2shy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((Thumkin)))

I am also on my third week of life without my ex.

The worst thing you can do is contact him. I use to do that during my previous breakups with my ex. There have been so many. I am determined to make this breakup the final one. If you contact your ex, even if it is to see how he is doing, it will only set you back. You may not get a positive response from him, or you'll drawn to get back together with him - only to go back to the cycle.

I congradulate you for making it this far for not contacting him. There is a really good movie called "The Joy Luck Club". I recommend that you watch it. It centers around a bunch of bad relationships and how each woman deals with them.

I am not familiar with your history with your ex or your relationship with his cousin. I am afraid to comment on that.

Hang in there.

April 2, 2007
11:50 am
Avatar
thumkin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

He is not my ex. He died 3-19-07. I would give anything in the world for one last contact with him. If only I could turn back time.

April 2, 2007
11:50 am
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

shy....not to butt in here, but thumkin's ex killed himself three weeks ago...this no contact is not her choice.

thumkin....it hurts, it's going to hurt....are you doing anything about seeing a greif counselor or support group? people do crazy things when they are greiving, so his sister may just be lashing out due to her own pain. doesn't make it right...but you know the truth and that's all that matters.

(((HUGS))))

April 2, 2007
11:52 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

So sorry... I think you his cousin was a good shoulder for you. Maybe he can sympathize and empathize with you, try your shoes on or perhaps he really understands how we women "operate"... I hope the comments won´t scare him away or have you lose somebody who is there for you.

For "concrete" arguments, I think you get one from each person you talk to but I´m afraid it wont be substantial enough. I hope you can find peace and love without expecting too much from people. Which is a codependent trait (the latter).

Sending you some positive vibes, hugs

April 2, 2007
11:57 am
Avatar
thumkin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you. I am scheduled to see a grief counselor 4-11-07. His cousin told me that I am helping him as much as he is trying to be there for me. I worry though now that she has said this. What if he in the long run would expect this to turn into more. I could not deal with that. In loving Shannon I loved his whole family. I dont want to lose them too. But I also dont want to cause problems for them.

I know his sister is hurting badly right now. But I dont think I will ever forgive her for this.

April 2, 2007
12:06 pm
Avatar
2shy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am SO SORRY...Really Sorry.

I am so embarrassed.

April 2, 2007
12:07 pm
Avatar
thumkin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know that it will take time. I know it is normal. But that does not mean that I am going to be able to take it. I cant sleep in my bed or my bedroom. I cant go home on my lunch break. I need to move very badly. But it feels like I cant do anything but think of him. I am afraid I will get fired cuz at work I cant seem to get things done.

April 2, 2007
12:11 pm
Avatar
thumkin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2shy. Its ok. Most of the threads are about no contact. it was an easy mistake

April 2, 2007
12:29 pm
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Emotions are flying all over the place when something like this happens... even irrational ones. If you can muster up the courage to call his sister, maybe you could clear the air. The last thing anyone needs here, are more confusing feelings added to what's already happening.

As for the cousin wanting something more from you in the future... just let your boundaries be known from the beginning. Anticipating what MIGHT happen in the future, is just an added worry that you don't need.

April 2, 2007
1:00 pm
Avatar
thumkin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I will not call his sister. I did call his brother. I talked to his nephew. I emailed his daughter. I feel like thats the cowards way out but she doesnt need this shit right now.

Your right about the boundaries. I think he already knows that but what if I am wrong. How do I approach that subject. The last thing I want now is to ever think of replacing him. I know people tell me I am young and I will recover from this. He even told me this. But I dont want to move on. If its not him in my life I dont want anyone. I have my girls and my memories. That will make do until I can be with him again.

April 3, 2007
10:35 am
Avatar
thumkin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I wrote a letter to God last night. Afterwards it made me feel selfish. Why wait until you lose someone you love to start worrying about your soul? Im still a mess. My daughter asked me last night why I dont sleep in my bed? I just cant. I can barely even go in my room. Laying on the couch thinking about it I get a really heavy feeling in my chest and I cant breathe. Just thinking about it right now I experience that. I have got to move and soon. I cant eat very much. I do try but I just cant. I start feeling sick to my stomach. I took a nap in his coat. No matter what angle I look at it I feel responsible. I know I could have saved his life if only for a few more days. I let him go.

April 6, 2007
4:14 pm
Avatar
thumkin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I went fishing at our spot the other night. It was so peaceful and beautiful. I saw a shooting star while I was there. I did not cry one time. I remembered so much. We experienced so much there.

I still have many moments a day where my chest will hurt and I cant breathe, thinking about him and that night, then I cry. Knowing I will never lay my hand on his chest again, or hear his voice or his laughter, or see his face, or taste one of his sweet kisses. I will never see the color of his eyes again in the watermelon field. I may never even eat watermelon again.

No man will ever be him. Why did he have to leave me like this. I would have rather agreed never to see him again knowing he was still alive than for him to be dead. I didnt want him to hurt. I wanted him to find peace, but not like this.

I miss him so.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
27
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110914
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38535
Posts: 714196
Newest Members:
Striker1s, marcusz, Keara, Venn, Jolebio, loni89
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer