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staying sober is getting easier everyday
October 8, 2006
8:20 pm
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jewel
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Today I have been without a drink for 7 months. I never thought that I could ever do that and on my own and with very strong willpower that causes me from picking up a drink. I am very proud of myself. I am dealing with my bipolar disorder and things aren't always as I would like them. School stresses me out, but I am trying to learn to relax and just do the assignments a little at a time so I don't overwhelm myself. I am close to being in disbelief that I have been sober for so long. I used to get drunk everyday and wine was the only thing that got me through the day. It was the only thing for me to look forward to. NOw, drinking is not an option. I am too busy and everytime I quit and then relapsed, my drinking got worse. I couldn't even imagine how bad I would be if I would drink again. But I am not going to. I don't obsess over alcohol anymore and when I am going to buy it and drink it. I consider myself a survivor. I have been through many very tough times in my life and now I am able to deal with things without drinking. I feel that I have a pretty good head on my shoulders and if I keep things up, my life is looking quite promising. I have said goodbye to hangovers for good from now on.

Jewel

October 8, 2006
8:28 pm
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LthrNlace
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Congratulations !! Keep taking it a day at a time always, and it does get better. Keep yourself busy and focused, and a good support system and I know you can do it! Keep it up hun, wish you well!

🙂 Lthr

October 8, 2006
9:21 pm
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jewel
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Thanks Lthr for the encourgement. Every little bit helps and goes a long way.

Jewel

October 9, 2006
1:32 pm
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jewel
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I feel so stressed out right now about a lot of things. I thank God everyday that He helps me get through these tough times without using alcohol. I think that things will get better with time and that I just have to keep on going as I am to get to where I want to be. Upcoming weddings can sure seem overwhelming when work and school and everything else is thrown in. I couldn't imagine having a big church wedding how stressful that could be. I like my beach wedding idea. It suits me best. It may be hard to be away on a beautiful beach not to have a pina colada or something of such. I will just absorb all of the peacefulness and take many pictures to help me if I feel the urge for a drink.

Jewel

October 9, 2006
4:45 pm
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Yea Jewel. How proud you should be on another anniversary of sobriety.

October 13, 2006
12:15 am
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jewel
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It was kind of weird because I had a big craving for alcohol while I was working tonight. BY the time that I got home, it was gone but I wondered if there is something that triggered it. I am no longer stressed at the moment. I have a high b in my algebra class and a high a in my other class. The semester is about half over so I just need to keep up the good work and I will be fine. I am wondering if my mood swings and panic disorder could be the reason that I wanted to drink so badly earlier today. My emotions have been crazy lately and I wish I knew what the cause of my craving was so that I can try to eliminate any further cravings if this is even possible.

Jewel

October 13, 2006
2:25 pm
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jewel
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Any thoughts on this anyone? This craving came out of the blue and I am kind of having one now as well.

October 16, 2006
12:09 pm
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jewel
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I have been really really craving alcohol over the weekend where my mouth actually watered thinking about drinking. I feel like I just need to have a couple drinks to relax but that is no longer the way I live. I guess this is going to be a life time battle for me to fight.

October 16, 2006
12:25 pm
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lollipop3
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Hi Jewel,

Can you believe the semester is half over already???? Congrats on your good grades! I know it can be overwhelming at times but I knew you could do it. Keep up the good work.

As far as the drinking goes...I have been sober for 2 years now and I still have cravings from time to time. I think it is normal and yes, something that I think we will continue to have work through from time to time. But you're doing great!

As far as the wedding goes.....have a virgin colada...and have yourself a day!

October 16, 2006
10:47 pm
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Castle
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Well, I believe that a lot of panic attacks are caused in part by anxiety. Anxiety is a big trigger for those dependent on alcohol, as alcohol is used to self-medicate. I don't know if you're on meds for panic attacks (which I know are different from anxiety attacks) but maybe it would help you curb cravings. I'm not trying to say substitute the habit with a pill, although, taking anti-anxiety meds which are prescribed by a doctor is a safer alternative from drinking heavily/daily (if that's your pattern). Good luck and I hope that you find a good treatment. I know that some people are fans of AA. I tell my substance-addicted clients to attend. There's nothing like being with others who are going what you're going through. And if you have a serious problem, there's also alot to be said for just showing up.

🙂 Good luck!

October 16, 2006
10:48 pm
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Castle
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I forgot to mention that you should seek help from your doctor if anxiety or panic attacks are bothering you. The doctor will help you make an educated decision on what could help you.

Be careful and be safe!!

🙂

October 16, 2006
10:59 pm
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lovetocrochet
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Jewel,

I am not an alcoholic but I inherited the disease and it manifested itself through food addiction instead. I've been in OA for about a year and a half and by the grace of God I have maintained abstinence from overeating and anorexia since about three weeks after my first meeting.

That said, I still get very strong food cravings from time to time... they mostly pop up when I want to numb myself, when I'm going through something really painful. Occasionally it's because of some desire for nostalgia, like oh, remember how good THAT tasted... my husband is celiac like I am, so we both sigh and moan over all the things we can't eat anymore.

But then we both go, oh well! Because we know what happens when we eat that stuff - we get sick as dogs and for me that horrible cycle of gorging myself starts up all over again, followed by the panic of oh no, I've gained too much weight, time to starve myself, then getting angry when that doesn't work and binging again... you get the idea.

It's that phenomenon of craving and mental obsession they talk about in the AA Big Book. A craving that solves nothing and an obsession that makes us insane.

Mostly I find talking about it with someone else is the most helpful thing. Even if I just email my husband and say oh I'm really craving this right now, it seems to relieve it, and let it pass. I also mention it to my sponsor from time to time.

Occasionally I will crave something that I can have, but it's not one of my designated mealtimes. It's so tempting to sneak just one bite... I just tell myself no, not time yet, you have to wait.

I think the thing that bothers me more though is the food dreams, where I dream I've binged or eaten something I can't have. Sometimes not even caring I broke my abstinence. The dreams seem SO real... and then I wake up all panicked like oh my GOD did I really do that??? It takes a few minutes to go okay, just a dream, not real, still abstinent, I'm all right, whew...

So in a way I can relate. I know others in my program who've been abstinent five, ten, twenty years or more, and they still occasionally have this pop up. Not as often as in the beginning but it does rear its ugly head at times. We've learned to accept that it's just a feeling and it'll pass... and I believe it's the same for sober alcoholics.

October 17, 2006
7:43 am
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CAMER
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congrat's on your sobriety Jewel!!!!

October 17, 2006
1:30 pm
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jewel
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Thanks for all the responses. I don't have time right now to respond to each person, but I just want to say that I really appreciate all the compassion and caring people on here that make a big difference in my life. Without all of you, I think that I would be still drinking.

Jewel

October 17, 2006
3:44 pm
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SingleBeachDad
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Jewel WAY TO GO!!

It has been 250+ days for me and it feels great. Keep up the good work. It does geat easier with each passing day.

SBD

October 17, 2006
3:58 pm
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cyndra820
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Jewel,

I have no idea about it, but my mom' a recovering alchoholic. Stress is her trigger. She told me that when we were talking about her drinking.

I hope that doesn't sound silly! I just don't have anything to offer.

October 18, 2006
1:25 am
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smarterone
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so proud of you, i can remember when you first did this. we had to write for hours to try to stay here. You can do it, dont forget the wedding too.

October 19, 2006
12:31 pm
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jewel
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Thanks for the inspiration everyone. I need it. The battle was much much harder in the beginning. I will get cravings from time to time, but they never last for too long and they pass. Thank GOd that I have my fiance who is drug and alcohol free. There is no longer a bunch of drama in my life and I have found someone who is sober to share my life with.

Jewel

October 20, 2006
12:59 am
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smarterone
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Jewel, we are all faced with drama, at any time of our lives, it is hard for everyone. There are times when i am stressed, I wish i could just get a buzz on something. Alcohol was never my thing, never addicted to any of the drugs i tried, but enjoyed whatever i did and dont regret it, but still at 55, i think about a high. I think most people do and it is an escape, an instant good feeling, and if anyone says they never want that, yeh ok! I have faith you will continue sobriety and have your beautiful beach wedding, and your french braid and the beautiful ocean breeze, and the happilly every after.

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