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startingover & risingfromtheashes HOW DO I KNOW I 'M CODEPENDANT
July 3, 2007
2:30 pm
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SeeingStars
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September 29, 2010
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Thank you guys so much for your responses:

TO startingover

Yes your right, I have been "sheltered" (the way my parents would put it, ever so nicely) or Isolated (the better word to use), so being around people is a commitment, I have to really have to try to talk (hold a conversation), listen, and understand people.

I definitley understand what your telling me about not settling to be a F Buddy. After the first kiss, i sat him down and seriouly told him that i dont want us becoming sexual parnters with no feelings attached. He said he understands and dont want that either.

But words and intent, are different from body chemistry and hormones. We both say we dont want to be intimate in that way, but our body when we are together are showing differently.

Yes i wont use being horny as an excuse (Though, im not so much horny as curious, i am a virgin and havent done anything but kiss a guy on the lips before). When your isolated from people: espeically guys, its difficult to control those feelings. I've always been a tomboy and hung out around boys (during school hours), so its so confusing to be around him and have feelings to want to do more, if you know what im getting at. I feel safe around him so if we do kiss im not scared or wondering if hes purely around me to feel on me. Because when we dont have intimacies hes still around me and just want to hang out: like its my choice, he doesnt pressure me, so when i stops he stops, and we can go right back to a earlier conversation we were having.

and to risingfromtheashes
I need to obtain the rest of my High School credits (9 1\2) more, i should be complete with my trade next month. I can go to the college while still living on center after i complete everything: which im weighing the option of staying on Jobcorps for another 2 years or tranferring to a jobcorps center in new york closer to my grandmother.

As for the guy, he started college, so he'll be living on center for a while.

Though i always felt much more comfortable (even FREE) being around strangers and in public than i do being with my own family. Living at JobCorps the surroundings are so draining.

The people are loud, with horrible behavior, and often are smoking and getting into fights. I'm now 21 and im much more mature than the 16-18 year olds that live on campus with me. Yea i know its understandable they are only teens and with most of their backgrounds the kids on center, havent had a stable home or postive influence on their lives.

The postive outlook is that the faculty that knows me are all willing to help me succeed, which takes a lot of strain off of me.

From the first day i got on center: my Plan was to assoicate with people who are mature and are focus with what they need to be doing. Not get "Caught up" in silliness that wont help me get closer to my future. But there's a part of me, that want to bond with someone and have them as a friend. The guy that im telling you about : he's not a bad guy. which i am not learning that people arent all bad or all good: people come in shades of gray. He's very smart, funny, and caring (caring only when he wants to be).

Honestly i have tried to see whats whats, and whose whose: many people at my jobcorps are backstabbers, gossipers, so i rather hang out with who i know wont talk about me once i leave their presense: those people who are TRUE: is my roommate: she is so wonderful! and the guy im telling you about: i spend my time with them. My roommate is in culinary and always make sure that im eating (since the food at jobcorp sucks) but she cooks her own food and recipes, and brings me food, we talk all night about life, and if someone talks badly about me: shes always make sure that they know if they have a problem with me they have a problem with her. And likewise for me, i bring her food if i go to the store, when she was sick i was there: i love her, shes the best.

But shes leaving soon, and i'll only be left with him. Honestly he is a cool person to hang around, thats why im around him. He doesnt talk gossip and we go everywhere together.

I keep busy: I'm in a poetry group my roommate started, im a rec aide, and a volunteer in the cafteria just so i wont get into any nonsense. My free time im washing my clothes, and relaxing under shade with my guy friend.

Why am i co-dependant?..... I dont want to be, I mean if i do have a friend then i'll do what i can for them: if they need love ,food, money, im there, i understand why being that way isnt healthy, but i thought i was being a true friend if im always there and always care (no matter what)......

If he stops talking to me, i'll be depressed, i spent three months out of the four month i've been at jobcorps with him, most of my time with him im wondering if he wants to be around me, or just using me because i am always there, willing to give what i can. I dont know whether or not i dont want him to leave because im codenpendant or because im use to him always being around: it might be both.

I read that Codependance comes lack of care, love, and concern from love ones such as your parents: i experience that. Plus when something goes wrong, I tell myself everything is fine. IE: my mother treats me with abuse, but if shes happy in the next few hours or the next day, i tell myself and i feel fine, but at any moment she can become abusive and go into a rage. I read people who are codependant oftne tell themselves things are all right, just to escape reality or a really painful experience.

How do i know for sure that im codependant, and where and how do i seek help??? I dont want to be the way i am: always feeling rejected if the person i like doesnt show me the same affection im showing them (but dont all people feel that type of sadness), when the love isnt returned.

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