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Starting to obsess - bmom
March 29, 2008
2:07 pm
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StronginHim77
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Asking a third party for information about the ex's dating (or any other data about his life) is known as "Third Party Contact" and is a violation of No Contact because it will definitely set you back emotionally, to hear about him.

Hugs,

Ma Strong

March 29, 2008
2:41 pm
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AQueen
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I agree. Do not ask your friends whether he is dating or not. What difference does it make? Ask yourself that. Prepare you for what? You aren't together, were never an item, and you know he has and will have girlfriends. He will never be what you want him to be. Any attention from him is toxic. Imagine him as a deadly chemical, exposure to the chemical can cause numerous health problems and death. He is no different than a toxic chemical. You need to take your power back and change your phone number, get a restraining order, and move. Until you move you need to change the number and get a restraining order if he continues to bother you. He is only contacting you because you opened the door for it. Men like him will always come back around and sniff things out to see if they can get anything else out of you whether it be sex, money, a place to stay, or just the satisifaction of seeing you be weak and accepting their contact knowing they were a total jerk to you.

If you cut contact and really work the steps and keep up with therapy you will get over him. I promise you. I'm over my ex and I didn't think it would ever be possiable to leave him and move on. The thought of ever being with him as a girlfriend repulses me. Seriously it does. You mention needing to get control of this--you can't control obsession. That's why it's called obsession. Addicts always try to find a way to make their addiction work without affecting their lives.You tried to make your addiction work by thinking your were some how strong enough to associate with him without reverting back to obessive behavior. See how addiction isn't something that can be controlled. The first step to recovery is admitting we are powerless over our drug of choice. Your drug is this man. By admitting we are powerless and being willing to turn over everything to our HP and let go of the reins for once we can learn to accept what is for what it is. We can move on and those obsessive thoughts will disappear. We must be willing to admit our addiction is out of control and we are willing to turn over our will to our HP and ask him or her to remove this obsession.

So change the phone number, make it clear he is leave you alone. If he calls you can pick up and tell him not to call anymore that you are done speaking with him and you will report him for harassment if he continues then hang up the phone. DO NOT listen to his response. It doesn't matter what he has to say. He'll deny any wrong doing on his part anyway. Now you should consider getting serious about looking for a new place. I mean serious. Look for a place that will left you put down a deposite and the first months rent and move in. If there is a will there is a way. Go for it.

AQueen

April 1, 2008
10:19 am
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bmom74
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Thanks, Ma and AQueen. I know you both are right in that no contact is the answer. I guess I will never get strong enough to where I can have contact with him. As I said, I have thought I was strong enough before but it just does not work out. I so want to not be addicted to him and be strong enough that it does not bother me, you know?? I want to be one of those people who can just see him on the street, not talk to him, etc., and be fine with it. It makes me feel weak to have this addiction and I guess the truth is I am or I would not be going through this. I have been overly sensitive all by life and that quality seems to put me in bad situations sometimes. fully realize it is a good quality as well at times. I want to be one of those people that just don't get bothered by these things.... I guess I just need to face the fact I am not one of those kinds of people.

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