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Starting to believe
November 15, 2004
6:27 am
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natty
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I don't know if anybody remembers, but I posted about two weeks ago, saying I had had enough of life, wanted to die, sick of feeling low etc.

I truly believed there was no hope, that I would be damaged for life, and that 'recovery' from our personal demons was a fad designed to make people (ie: therapists) rich, not unlike the multi-million $ diet industry.

BUT I have a little bit of hope now. I went to my therapist in despair and asked her if she believed in hypnosis. I was hoping to find a way to subconciously actually **believe** that I was a worthy human being, and actually really find a way to like myself.

She told me she thought hypnosis seemed a bit simple, that if it were that easy, the worlds problems could be solved pretty quickly. But she did say what I need to do is actually reprogram my thinking, start changing the record playing inside my head, from the one that doesn't like me to one that does.

I went home and made a tape. I was going to buy one, by Louise Hay, but decided it was better to have my own voice. I just kept repeating over and over "I love and approve of myself", and similar type of affirmations. Now I play the tape next to my pillow every night when I go to sleep.

I am also trying to just keep doing self-talk in my head when I am at the gym, on the bus, or just anywhere I have a chance to daydream.

I think it's starting to work. It **does** take time, and effort, and it's not easy. It's like the Pantene shampoo advertisement "it won't happen overnight, but it will happen".

I just feel a little more hopeful now that I can get there.

November 15, 2004
6:44 am
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SweetAmanda
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natty,

That is so awesome! And yes, I do remember when you posted that in the middle of the night. I was scared for you! (((Hugs))) That is a really good idea with the tape recorder and self-affirming thoughts thing. I did something a little bit similar: I wrote "I am a worthy person" and "I am special" and other things like that. I put them in different places where I will see them and read them throughout my day. Maybe I will try what you did as well. (If you don't mind that is!) *LOL* =)

~Amanda~

November 15, 2004
6:52 am
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CAMER
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good for you!! and yes, stop the negative tapes running thru your head and replace them with positive ones!! Yes, it does take time and you seem to being doing all the positive things now...I wish you the best!

November 15, 2004
7:16 am
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natty
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Thanks Camer and Amanda. Amanda I can definitely recommend making a tape. My only word of warning is do it ***daily***.

I went away for a wedding at the weekend and didnt take my tape and am feeling a bit unlovey at the moment. But as soon as I get home in the morning (I am on the graveyard shift at the moment) I am going to stick that tape in, hit play and hit the volume!!

I have also made up with my two friends. I had a massive fight with my best friend about five weeks ago, and things were said that I thought would have caused irrepairable damange. Thank God we made up, and about the same time I made up with another friend I had not so much had a falling out with, but had drifted away from and things got tense.

I still feel lonley, not quite sure about how strong I am re the ex-bf, but I definitely feel a lot more hopeful and positive.

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