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stallion, scallion
January 3, 2006
4:12 am
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Philmore Bowles
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Just recently started outlining a novel I want a good friend to write.

What about you?

January 3, 2006
4:12 am
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acceptance by whom???? u r do u have someone u are trying to get this from

January 3, 2006
4:13 am
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i seem to be in limbo right now...take it day by day.....no plans really, except get them grown and gone

January 3, 2006
4:14 am
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Philmore Bowles
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For me to accept life as it is. To be okay with everything as it is right now, problems and discomfort not withstanding.

Accepting life for what it is and what it isn't.

January 3, 2006
4:15 am
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i hope u get to do all the stuff u dream about

January 3, 2006
4:17 am
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Philmore Bowles
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See, now that's a real-world aspiration. Getting your kids started down the right path is one hell of an accomplishment.

January 3, 2006
4:18 am
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in other words be happy with the here and now, no matter how it presents itself?

January 3, 2006
4:20 am
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Philmore Bowles
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I'll be glad if I get the first two - preferably in order . . . it would be more fun to travel with my femme fatale!

January 3, 2006
4:20 am
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yes, but most of my life has been in overdrive. now i am just kinda like floating along. and trying to get a better balance for the next stage...whatever it may bring

January 3, 2006
4:23 am
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yes it would. well, u just might have to travel a little more out of the house to get this started. ha ha

January 3, 2006
4:23 am
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Philmore Bowles
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If not happy - at least understanding that each aspect of life plays it's necessary part.

Like if I could be okay with missing my ex after 12 years and my Dad's depression . . . not that I'm happy about it, just that I accept it as part of the whole.

January 3, 2006
4:25 am
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let me see. u didn't list kids on your list. past that point?

January 3, 2006
4:25 am
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Philmore Bowles
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NOOOO!!!

I don't want to leave my cave - it's not safe out there!!!

January 3, 2006
4:28 am
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i wondered what made u go to therapy for ten and a half years. and fight it all the way. at least u went....

January 3, 2006
4:28 am
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Philmore Bowles
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Kids would be great - and I'm not responsible enough at this point. Without "her" it's a moot point.

If I became fabulously wealthy and had a great marriage, I would love to have kids.

Not before I can take good care of them though. My parents weren't even vaguely prepared - and I got to take the frieght for it.

January 3, 2006
4:30 am
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Philmore Bowles
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Court orders and institutional programs are what motivated most of my therapy and counseling. Not by choice.

January 3, 2006
4:30 am
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i think it is all a process. i used to wish and try like a mighty mouse to "fix" h and dad. now i just want them to get off of me. and basically i guess i just worry about me right now. u know how to make me better. make the rest of my life better....

January 3, 2006
4:34 am
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Philmore Bowles
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Working on yourself is the best thing you can do for the other people in your life.

How frustrating, right?!

January 3, 2006
4:34 am
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divorce bring this on? u already said u had a anger problem. i'm sorry if i am overstepping. just trying to get a perspective on ya.

January 3, 2006
4:37 am
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Philmore Bowles
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No, I've never been married.

This is all going on during my teen years. I had spent close to 2 years locked up by the time I was 16. Spent my 16th birthday in jail as a matter of fact.

They therapy and counsel the hell out of kids in the state institutions, group homes & shelters. It's fun.

January 3, 2006
4:38 am
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this is what i see...am i wrong. parents were probably to young when they had u. u already said there was drugs on both sides, so your childhood wasn't very stable and u had shaky limits at best. u obviously had plenty of free time on your own to plunder through campers. and i kinda sense u might have been a lttle pissed about the whole thing.or maybe alot pissed.....

January 3, 2006
4:40 am
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sounds like u had to learn some limits. sorry it turned out like that for u. did u LEARN from this experience????

January 3, 2006
4:41 am
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Philmore Bowles
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That's about right. Insert fucked up details and you have a very clear understanding of why I might have been just slightly pissed.

January 3, 2006
4:42 am
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well, it's obvious u did, cause u aren't in jail now.... good going

January 3, 2006
4:42 am
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Philmore Bowles
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Yeah, I learned to get away with it.

Not until about 25 or so that I really wanted to change from the angry, self destructive behavior.

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