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SOOOOOOOOOO Confused!!!!!
October 20, 2006
11:22 am
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justhinking
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I am so damn confused with my life that I don't know which way I'm going. Everyone in my life is turning to me for help and yet I cannot even help myself. My husband is in jail waiting for court, my sons 9th birthday is tomorrow and he is sick that his father cannot be there. My husbands brother is acting like he is in my house trying to help me out with the kids while him and girlfriend don't do absolutely nothing all day. His other brother and my neightbor got together a couple of weeks ago and constantly try to agrevate me because there happy and I'm not. My husband calls me to help him out in the hell whole that he is in and I feel so bad that I can't do anything. The correctional officers put handcuffs on him and beat the crap out of him and I don't know what to do. Bills are chasing me and I don't know where to turn. And as for myself I have no idea what I feel since I am so busy with everyone else. My coworker asked me today "how is it that you don't cry?" and I said cry about what? Is that what I should be doing. I am lost and I know God is on my side to guide me but I just see the light yet. How do I find it?

October 20, 2006
11:41 am
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mamacinnamon
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JUSTHINKING:

No, crying is not what you should do. If you did it would be understandable tho. I'm the type person that doesn't break down until 3 days after the crisis is over. Sounds like you might be one too.

You do have a lot to deal w/. May I ask why is hubby in jail? Do you know why the beat him? My suggestion there is call an attorney. See what can be done. If hubby us just acting stupidly then don't bother. It's not right they did that to him tho.

If bro-in-law and gf are not helping then tell them to leave. Ignore the other and neighbors.

As for your son. Sit down w/ him face to face and tell him the truth. I'm sorry son, but dad is in jail and there is nothing we can do about it other than to try to have a great time for your party. You dad would want that. (i'd hope he would.)

October 20, 2006
11:47 am
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taj64
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Here's my advice if you want an opinion. Prioritize where your emotions should go since it is extremely overwhelming. How you are feeling is important. And right now, it is not good. First your brother and girlfriend, if they are not really helping you emotionally, then they need to go back to where they came from and be on their own to help him as a brother. Because the way I see it, they are making it worse for you and you have enough to deal with. Now i do not know why your husband is in jail, it must be for a reason and if I had to guess he is in there because of something he did, not you but himself. Now i know it is not the norm for police to be beating the inmates. I do not think there is anything you can do, other than let higher power take care of that and your husband. It is not your fault he is in jail. I guess say a prayer if you are religious. Do what you CAN do. You can help your nine year old though by talking to him, assuring him. That is where the priority should go. He is probably afraid for his father and also disappointed because his father is not there for his birthday. I don't really understand the financial burden since that is different with everyone. Im a single mom and money has always been tight for me and I always or most of the time have had to come up with it by myself. Do what you can there as well. Pay the most important bills first like mortgage rent, etc. Pay minimum or what you can pay or allowable to pay on bills that are not as important. Eat really cheap if you can, forego everything that is not necessary like eating out. And if you have family, ask for help or a small loan. if they truly love you, they will give it to you, no questions asked, as long as understanding is made to pay back. Trust people to help you. And as for your coworker, everyone has their own way of handling emotions. If you cannot cry right then and there then ok and you have every right to when you need to melt down. I believe you have strength even if you do not feel it right now. It can come in bits and pieces if it has to. I happen to think you are being pretty brave through all this, and you will be fine. Do what you ahve to do for you and don't let others that are not helpful, keep them at a distance at least for now. That is my best advice I can think of.

October 20, 2006
1:02 pm
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justhinking
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Hubby is in jail because he is an adict and it took full control of his life. Now he has to pay for it. On the other hand me and my children are suffering from it because he is the most wonderful father there is obviously when he was there and awake of course. As far as the in laws I have a major problem saying NO to people. I don;t want to hurt anyones feelings. I love to help out as much as possible. and little things in life make me happy for instance just making someones day.
As far as the correctionals officers were concerned it was clear that my husband and another inmate were woken up out of there sleep and handcuffed for no reason that he knew at the time and as soon as my husband walked into the hallway they beat him. Luckily a deputy was passing in the hallway and caught them beating him with the handcuffs on and stopped them. Misteriously all the witness reports have disappeared and they are trying to blame my husband for a bunch of BS. Because of course he did a crime and he must be punished by the judicial system does there crimes and its hidden or lost in there files.
As far as my son is concerned, I am trying my best to keep talking to him and I thank God that he is just a wonderful 9 year old that has a brain of a 19 year old. I don't know what the future holds but I have come to realize that allot of people around me are enjoying my burden that I am carrying (mostly his family) that I have helped throughout everything. But I just don't know how to stop it. Everything is just so overwhelming. I sware I do not know where I finding the strenght to go on but I am and I am afraid of breaking down.
I really thank you for responding mama & taj. I am knew to this site and I am so happy I found it.
Once again Thank you

October 20, 2006
1:10 pm
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justhinking
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Just one more thing. His family is all screwed up in some way or another and the only time call me or my hubby when he was home was for money. For the past 2 months that he has been away they havn't called to even see how my kids are doing. My mother in law called today to tell me that she cannot make it tomorrow to his party since my husband isn't there because it hurts her too much. a whole bunch of BS, that's all. basically they are telling me not to let the door hit me in the ass!!!
thanks for listening

October 20, 2006
1:24 pm
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smarterone
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I didnt have time to read all the answers, but i just want to let you know that you will find the strength. I myself, not divorced yet, but was married ten years to a man, who turned to drugs, we didnt have kids together, this was our second marriage so we had kids from our first. Our marriage wasnt good though because of the kids, he was mean, just wanted to be alone w/o them. But when he was arrested and put away, he got 9 years, i lost our business, cars, houses, i live on disabilitiy, all the friends left. His family, didnt know me. I was alone with my son, who then turned to drugs. It has been 6 years since he was put away and last year, i finally had the nerve to tell him im leaving. I dont even know why i stayed and visited for 5 years. I did, i thought it was right. But since then, i am lost, i feel like every day is another struggle. That is why i found this site. They are great here and you realize others have been thru the same. I now have a b/f, but what has happend is that i have been so used to fighting this alone, i dont trust anyone to help me fix, then again, why do i expect someone to help i think. I dont know, just words. All i have is the lord to hold me up. I'll pray for you.

October 20, 2006
1:35 pm
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justhinking
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thank you so much. I feel so alone. I feel that I am the only one fighting this battle. How do you feel now smart?
My fear is my children growing up and turning to drugs. I am petrified and I pray everyday for them/us.

October 20, 2006
2:19 pm
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needtoheal
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smart-- and shyshy--

as you both have read , this is something that is a struggle for me as well...

My bf was a drug addict when I met him.. He stopped after we started to get close.. he smoked pot for 10 years...

i think that in our situation I was his crutch and he was mine(to help with the lonliness after I was separated and there for me for the process of the divorce)...

I think that this man wants me in his life but only at his convenience.. and i went through that before with my ex-h and i don't want to do it again...

my kids are not attached to him though and i wanted that to be that way because i did not want it to be another loss for them,,.

but when the kids are with their dad every other weekend, it is difficult because i was so used to being with the ex-bf///
it became like a habit..

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