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Son of Narcissistic Mother
January 5, 2009
12:25 pm
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ashamed09
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September 27, 2010
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Thank you all for posting on this site. This is such a powerful resource in addition to therapy. While reading the thread posted by bevdee I could not believe how my mother fit 90% of the narcissistic profile. It left me thinking about how I relate to people alternately switching from a power position to a subordinate position randomly. Im either feel that people are lucky to have me in their life, falsely believing I am the greatest member of their life, too the extreme opposite where I am in fear that Im not good enough, and must perform extraordinary feats in order to secure their attention. I'll call these two roles abuser and victim. I originally typed master and slave, but master would indicate some special talent or gift that does not belong on here. In the abuser role certainly in relationships either at work, or with women, I build myself up into a primary source of help, success or attention. Then I start demanding changes in their lifestlye, organization or whatever, claiming that the are wasting their natural gifts or wasting the gifts that I have bestowed upon them, what a delusional head trip I have been living under. I often turn their focus to the "evil or confused" people in their families or organizations that they should be leary of. Then I wait days or years sometimes even a decade for something bad to happen to them and say aha I was right all along, and good thing I left you when I did. Then depending upon my mood or events in my life I take on the victim mode. I dont know which one is worse, As the victim I am constantly begging for peoples attention but my pride wont let me see it that way. I see it as staying extra late at work, taking on someone else financial burdens, dazzling a client with a mountain of information often unnecessary at times. Biting off more than I can chew, making grandiose statements to moderate their feelings. It is so desperate and self serving, it turns my stomach to write it. All I want his just to have a typical day, befriending nice people, coping with the normal ups and downs of life, while having strong boundaries with abusers or their victims that stay in the cycle.

January 5, 2009
5:39 pm
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fantas
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September 29, 2010
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Thank you for writing and sharing your experience here. I can totally relate on both sides. These days, even when I get sick, I have to check twice with myself just to make sure I'm not seeking attention or trying to control someone by inducing their sympathy. It's certainly a great deal of work but so worth it!

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