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Somewhere in the middle, between sadness & relief! (Jennifer...here)
May 17, 2006
10:44 pm
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Anonymous
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Well, I'm still in the process, moving along better than I had expected to. I'm probably a little closer to relief now, than sadness. The more time I've had apart from him, the more clearly I can see. Now, looking back at what "was" and comparing it what "is", I think I'm liking the "here and now"! NEVER would I have expected this.

And there has been occasional contact, but none that has thrown me off MY path of recovery. We exchange e-mail, once and a while, and he has called and text messeged me a few times. But nothing enough to shoot me in the familiar world of "weakness"!

I told a new poster today, that we codependents, have the "gift of change", since we have changed so many times over, to accomodate the needs and lifestyles of others. So we KNOW that we are capabele of change. Only this time, the change will be for OURSELVES and no one else.

I'm posting this now, because beginning tomorrow, I won't be able to be online much for a few days. My twins are graduating on Sunday, and starting tomorrow, we will have company starting to roll in. LOTS and LOTS of company!! My XH will be here. My XF wishes to be here, but most likely will not be able to make it, due to his job and his kids' school won't be out yet.

I feel strong right now, but I should mention, that I haven't actually SEEN him since the breakup. The breakup was over the phone, and the last time I saw him was in February. So I'm hoping that the visual of him, won't be what'll send me over the edge! Even if he can't make the graduation, he is still planning a trip here, to get some things he left behind and to visit.

I think I have reached the point, now, that even IF the opportunity were to arise, to get back together, I would have to turn it down. I guess I didn't really realize how stressed I was, until I got this time alone. Now, I'm not so sure I wish to give it up, especially for something which lacks SO much to qualify for a solid, stable and healthy relationship.

Since we have become "friends", so much of the heaviness of our relationship has been lifted off. We can actually feel free enough to BE friends, now. However, I don't think I would be quite ready yet, to hear if he has become involved with someone else. But I truly believe that the day will come, that if he does, I won't be 100% phased by it. I WILL be able to handle the "unthinkable"!! I'll be DAMNED if I won't!

Anyway, just wanted to post an update here, from where I was, when I first started posting here, a little over a month ago! I know I'm not "cured", and there might be a stumble here and there, but I made the choice of hitting this dusty trail, and there's NO turning back now!!

So take care to everyone, and I'll still try to pop in and out between now and Monday! On Monday, you'll probably see a title that reads, "THANK GOD, THE TWINS HAVE GRADUATED, WITH THE DIPLOMAS AS PROOF!!"

Thankyou for being here for me, and being such wonderful support and an AWESOME group of people to share with! I love YA'LL!!

God Bless! '-)

Jennifer

May 17, 2006
10:51 pm
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startingover
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Conratulations, Jennifer, what a milestone in your daughters' lives! I was so proud when my oldest two graduated...I have one more graduation in two years. These can be real stressful occasions, as you know, people you haven't seen, and the challenge of seeing your ex.

I'm glad you are able to remain friends with your ex. Mine did not have the maturity level for that. Stay strong, have a wonderful weekend, and enjoy this occasion!

SO

May 17, 2006
11:15 pm
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Thankyou, Startingover! I have just one more to graduate, this time next year.

I'm not as phased by my XH coming here. We've been divorced for 12 years now. The friendship with the X fiancee is still new, and I haven't seen him, since this new friendship has begun. I have a slight nervousness of this, seeing him, that is, but I don't expect it to throw me for any major loops!

Anyway, thankyou for posting, SO! Take care, and you have an AWESOME weekend, too!

Jennifer

May 18, 2006
1:21 pm
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reachingout
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Jennifer you can do it I have reaad alot of your post you sound like a very strong and wonderful person your words have really helped me ALOT...
Thank you so much for being here.I am wishing you the very best and I think you will be OK I know you will

May 18, 2006
2:00 pm
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smarterone
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Geez Jen, after the cookout and all you are having company again. Bless you girl. You have all this energy. Congratulations to the twins and their mother for doing a good job raising them. I know you will handle everything. Like I said before you have common sense, which is more valuable to me that "book smarts" .
As far as ex boyfriend. Yes, verbal break up, is easier on the phone. I do think that you are never prepared for the physical appearance when that occurs. Hopefully, your knight in shining armor will take that away. I agree that I appreciate when I am alone and have stress-free time. I dont think a relationship is worth the aggravation anymore.
Have a great week, enjoy your family and the twins special day.

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