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someone please help.
October 22, 2008
9:14 pm
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onthefence
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dear strangers.
i am very new to this, as it is my first post.
i was searching information on co-depency on the internet, and found this site.
i am very lost, and i haven't got a clue with what to do at this point in my life...i have been with someone for almost 2 years, and i am a very co-dependent person. this person, has a very addictive personality, is very impulsive, and has multiple problems. they come from a very abusive home - which has left him very scarred, guarded, angry, and insecure....i love this person dearly, but i feel like i cannot reach them. they have come a long way with communicating, and expressing their feelings. i feel because of the way that i am, i am aiding in making this relationship disfunctional, i am very distrustful, and feel easily betrayed....making it hard for the person to live up to my unrealistic expectations and standars...but i also believe that this person i am dating, needs to make some drastic changes in order to live a healthy life. is the answer to a co-dependent relationship always to leave and be on your own? can we work together? i know the obvious is that we should both seek counselling -but is there anything that we can do on our own?

October 22, 2008
10:17 pm
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truthBtold
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onthefence,

I have read your post.

First off, welcome.

I am certain that you will find many wise, supportive and insightful folks here.

I don't know whether or not my slant is correct in what you post - but my feeling is to say that alot of times, we choose people/partners on some deep unconscious level in an effort to somehow work out/figure through our own unresolved issues from childhood - and we pick those folks whom can help us to sort it all out and to hopefully, maybe, eventually come to some kind of resolution about it all.

And they tend to do the same.

It's complicated.

Like I said - I could be way off base here.

Only you really know for sure.

Just sharing my own initial feeling to your post.

October 23, 2008
5:18 am
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chelonia mydas
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(((Onthefence)))

Welcome.

In my healing from codependant relationships, I have found that having a physical and mental seperation from those I am codependant on is the only way that I could heal.

I always kept the door open for them to return if they chose to take this healing path with me, but in my experience, I have "outgrown" them. Where they are happy being addicted/codependant and once I started taking care of myself, I didn't fit the relationship anymore.

This is a good thing, because being in a codependant relationship is miserable. Comfortable for me, but miserable all the same. Once I got past the discomfort, I'm a much happier person.

Recognizing your codependence is a great step toward healing. I support you on your journey.

October 23, 2008
2:12 pm
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onthefence
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truthBtold
i am not sure if i reply to you on my own thread or not...haha...
thank you for your reply so quickly, as i am searching desperately for answers. i agree with what you have said 100%.....if this is the case, in which i think it is, is that an unhealthy relationship?...i find that i date people like this, and only get deeper in the ones that are the most challenging...i feel like this person i am with now, out of anyone i have met, has helped me self-examine myself the most...and only until i met him, did i realize that "I" actually had a problem. i guess like you said, only i really know for sure....and my solutions will come to me.
thank you.

October 23, 2008
2:22 pm
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onthefence
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chelonia mydas...
thank you also for your quick reply.
its nice to know that there are people that are out there that are sympathetic towards others.
while agree with truthBtold, i also agree with you as well...i find that detaching myself sometimes from this person in every way helps me organize my thoughts, and figure out what i need to do to get my happiness in priority. but deep down in my gut, i want to be with this person, because i feel that they are making a change...slowly, but surely....maybe it is just the co-dependency needing that attachment. how can you ever really know for sure. its so hard, because i feel like there is meaning to why this person is in my life, and it is not just to help me figure myself out...i am not sure...maybe some time alone would help. i just know that when i am not with them i am very sad, and feel very depressed...and i think that perhaps, that is because with being co-dependent you expect your happiness to be in the person you are with, and when you don't receive that from them, you are lost. and that is where i am at now...any coping mechanisms to get past this point of loneliness...i feel like a caged bird....i keep hearing - "do what makes you happy" "Get out of the house", "go for a walk".....but i just cant bring myself to doing those things....why is it so hard....

October 23, 2008
3:10 pm
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CAMER
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September 30, 2010
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why not just get out of the house to breathe some air and sit on the front porch, or just go for a 10 minute walk, its all baby steps, i think the more you get out and do things the better you will feel.

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