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Someone knock some sense into me
April 26, 2007
4:16 pm
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Antagonist
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I don't know what the hell is going on in my head today, but I have this HUGE urge to e-mail my ex-girlfriend who I have broken off contact with since March 4th.

This chick is bad news to me. Everytime I get in touch with her it does no good for me. I'm sure some of you remember to previous posts I have made regarding my situation. Basically this chick has no respect for me or my personality. I broke all contact, even changing my phone number to not have her call me for sex... and yet all of the sudden today I have the urge to talk to her and see how she is doing. Gah, this is not good.

April 26, 2007
4:34 pm
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mj
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That reminds me of a joke,

Knock Knock

whose there

Dwayne

Dwayne who...

Dwayne the tub, I am dwownding.

All seriousness aside, I think you know your answer. Do you really want to go there?

April 26, 2007
4:37 pm
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danielle7373
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funny joke 🙂

but mj has a good point - i, too, think you know your answer. just type the email here if you need to.

type it to yourself. vent here. that's what we're here for - to help distract you from doing something you're pretty sure you know you don't want to do but need help restraining yourself. we're here for encouragement and support....

so here's the sense being knocked into you...

DONT EMAIL HER. OR CALL HER.

DONT DO IT!!!

April 26, 2007
5:08 pm
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readyforachange
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Antagonist...I know the feeling. I recently ended a relationship with a guy who I had seen for about 4 months. But, deep down I knew he wasn't right for me. We both had too much baggage.

Last night, I really wanted to send him a text message. I almost did...had it typed out and everything. Then I made myself wait 10 minutes. And I erased it.

Today, he sent me a text message. And I'm not responding to it.

I know how hard it is, but I know you know that this woman is not right for you. You know you deserve better, and so do I. Please be strong. Hang in there...I know how you feel!

April 26, 2007
6:15 pm
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Antagonist
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LOL that's a silly joke. It definitely made me smile. Thanks.

But going back to the matter at hand, I just really miss her. My loved ones tell me that I don't miss "her" it's just that I miss having a girlfriend, but I don't know about that. I was with her for 2 years and some months so I miss alot of things about her.

Sometimes I think maybe having my number changed was not a smart decision but at the time when I had my number changed I felt like I have no other way out. Prior to that she was talking to me about wanting to hang out and have sex and I kept telling her that I cannot do that and that she is hurting etc etc. She ended up cursing at me and hanging up the phone so I felt like im in a no ending cycle and the only way I could get away from that is to stop her from reaching me... now I'm not sure about what I have done. What you think about this?

April 26, 2007
6:25 pm
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Rasputin
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Antagonist, I will get better. Just hang in there. Read a good thread that enabled me to start No contact with a man I dated for a short period who was unhealthy. I read the thread "Let it go" by T D Jakes. It's a very effective one that can help you in the same way it helped me & others here.

Blessings!

April 26, 2007
6:47 pm
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Rasputin
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Sorry...I meant "IT will get better."

April 26, 2007
6:57 pm
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fantas
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Ras...hang in there, so you know what triggered this. I find that when I have neglected my needs, or overworked, sleep deprived, sick, under pressure, my obsessive behaviours begin. I am sure you so not want to date her but today you miss the good stuff you had...which tells that for some reason you are needing extra tlc. I think if you can figure out what brought this on this time around, you might work on that and feel better and stronger. All the best to you:)

April 26, 2007
6:58 pm
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fantas
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sorry Ras, that was Antagonist...

April 26, 2007
8:02 pm
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Rasputin
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It's okay hon! (((Fantas)))

April 26, 2007
8:55 pm
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mj
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I know that feeling Antagonist. We miss the qualities that we were most attracted to. Just this week I was talking about an old beau with my bro. My bro said he was so glad I didn't marry that worthless SOB. I thought about why my bro had such strong feelings after all that time. I shared with my bro the positive experiences and told him I never wanted to forget the good things I shared. Does that mean I want to call him? No way.

If you miss her and you think that you need more lessons from her, Call her. It is your life. Only you know how you feel. I read your own words and they said "This chick is bad news to me." Why do you think that she is bad news?

April 26, 2007
9:13 pm
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Antagonist
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Thanks for the kind words everyone.

~MJ,

You asked why I think she is bad news? well let me begin. This chick and I differ in almost ever aspect of life. I don't know if she has changed over the period of 2 months that I have not talked to her but when I used to talk to her she was very childish and self centered.

She called me "dramatic" and "emotional" because I tried to talk to her about how she is more valuable than she thinks and that she is hurting me by just calling me and wanting to have sex with me. I straight up asked her "so you mean sex with no strings attached" and she said "yes". This girl yelled at me and cursed at me on March 4th because I tried to talk to her about how her calling me out of the blue for sex is hurting me. She cursed at me and told me that she will never call me or want to talk to me and hung up on me.

Last summer she slept with my best friend after 5 days of breaking up with me. Before breaking up with me apparently him and her had a "friendship" going on for a month before she broke up with me. I asked her to promise me that she would stay out of my life after breaking up with me...5 days later I caught her in the act at 11:30 pm.

On everyday routine she would tell me she can't even call me during the day cause she is thinking about the things she needs to do during the day and that calling me and talking to me would frustrate her. She didn't want to txt me or have me txt her because she "didn't like texting" which is funny cause she would txt her brother or sister pretty nicely.

Even on a normal day I could be talking to her and she would just tell me "I need space, leave me alone I'll call you when I feel better" now this is not like once in a blue moon, this would happen almost everyday.

There were multiple of times she would explode at me for no reason and try to justify it as "im sorry I just got frustrated"...for what? because she had school then had to go to a doctor and then to work...something that simple would make her explode at me? what the hell is that?

Basically only when she wanted to be nice to me she would be nice to me. And I basically miss the times where she was actually kind to me... which at the end of the relationship was very scarce.

So now someone tell me what an idiot I am for putting up with such person and why the hell I just can't basically accept the fact that she is nothing but trouble for me.

April 26, 2007
11:30 pm
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mj
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I don't think you're an idiot. I think you were trying to get your needs met by someone incapable of meeting them. Do you really want to put yourself back in that space?

April 26, 2007
11:50 pm
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fantas
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Antag...I wouldn't call you an idiot. I struggle with these issues too. At the core of it, I feel like I must earn love. Something about the drama makes me think that it's love and when I meet someone who is just wanting to love me with no drama, I am not attracted to that. I am working on turning this around and redifining what I think is a good time, what I think are good romantic feelings so that I can enjoy and respectful and loving relationship. Years of physical abuse and emotional neglect from the adults in my life taught me to not only be comfortable but to seek it and define it as love. At the very least, this girl is offering you and opportunity to look at the reasons why you attracted her energy into your life and why you continue to crave it. There are certainly no rights or wrongs of how you go about this process...All the best.

April 27, 2007
4:07 am
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Zinnie
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MJ!

When I first read your joke I thought "odd, she mis-typed that" very unusual for you as you always have dead on typing. Then, I thought "I don't get it!"

Remember, just had another fun round in the hospital, so I will blame it on that - THEN, I got it... O.K., so I'm really slow...

Too funny!

Z.

April 27, 2007
6:38 am
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sad sack
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Hi Antagonist,

I don't know your whole entire story, but from what I read, your exgf, borders on being abusive. Why would you want to contact a person like that? You sound like such a nice person who deserves so much better than this. You've done so well with the no contact thing. I know how hard it can be. SOmeone here said that you are only missing the good times. ANd I agree with that. At times, after a break up, it seems that we experience selective memory disorder. When you once again feel like contacting her, go back and read your thread from the 26th of April. She sounds cruel and heartless.

Direct your energies to meeting new people. Get involved in activities that you enjoy. Post here and vent. But please do not contact that woman. You deserve sooooooooo much better than that.

Sad Sack

April 27, 2007
8:35 am
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Robert123
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hey Antagonist, I can understand the wanting to call. I also understand the "how bad she is for me". I've thought about calling or emailing my exgf but deep down I know it would be just more of the same insanity. It has taken a while for me to sort stuff out and decide what is best for me in the long run. Yes a warm body would be nice ...in the short term then I think about the strings that are attached or implied. And there are strings, don't kid yourself. Whenever I start getting that fond feeling of how great everything was I have to remind myself that it wasn't all good. I force myself to remember the lies and unfaithfulness that went along with knowing her. This usually snaps me out of it. There is no going back for me.

April 27, 2007
9:36 am
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2alone
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Ok - I'll own up to it. I gave into those urges to contact the ex-boyfriend this week by email. I felt like I just had to explain why I cut off contact and that I still cared about him. Ugh! What was I thinking?! He didn't respond. I waited patiently by my email... had my cell phone with me at all times... pathetic! I guess I'm glad he didn't respond. It hurts - but it also reminded me that he likes to "punish" me for "bad behavior" - meaning anything that he doesn't approve of. I know in my head why we are not together - but my heart is slow in catching up.

My only advice is to distract yourself. Call a friend when you're about to cave. Go for a walk. Sit and remember all the bad parts of your relationship not just the good. Its time to care about you - and what will be good for you long term.

Good luck and just say no! (from someone who wishes she would have been strong enough to do it)

April 27, 2007
1:29 pm
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Antagonist
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Once again, thank you all for the supportive comments. Also, thanks Sad Sack for the comliment, it's rare for me to get complimented.

Anyways, I did not cave in yesterday and did not try to contact her. I just kept telling myself that even if I try to contact her she will probaly just curse at me because I had my number changed and I am sure she did not like that. So there is no point in contacting her, I simply do not want to get cursed or yelled at again.

Aside from that, it's no good thinking about one person constantly. Last night I went to bed and as soon as I fell sleep I started having dreams about her. I remember them perfectly also, they were so surreal. I don't know why my mind is playing tricks on me like that. Honestly all this is scaring me, if this is going to be how all relationships end, I don't think I want another relationship for a long time.

What even makes me more uneasy is knowing that she is most likely over me and does not think a second about me while I dream about her or spend all my time at work thinking about her. No matter how much I keep telling myself "dude why are you wasting your time" my mind does whatever it pleases. It's like I don't know how to occupy my mind with other things.

I will be pretty occupied this weekend thank god. I would have most likely gone crazy if I had nothing to do and just sat home. Heh, I never knew it would come to this.

April 27, 2007
1:57 pm
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danielle7373
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good job not contacting her yesterday, antagonist!

try not to let your mind get to you so much. and not all relationships are like this or end like this. once you truly heal from this woman, you will be able to love yourself and be in a good relationship.

good luck staying busy, and if you feel the urge to contact her, just post here!!

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