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Somebody please tell me, is there love......
August 12, 2005
12:58 am
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BelovedBeliever
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Is it really possible to find love, I mean real true love at 50 years old? I am not trying to be funny. I want to hear from someone if it has happened to you. I want to hear some victory stories. Of good guys. Truly loving gentlemen that you have found when you were not a silly young girl anymore. When you have some experience and knowledge under your belt. When you have developed into a beautiful women, who doesn't have to settle. I cannot imagine actually finding someone to really love me unconditionally NOW. At this age and time in my life. My therapist says that there are still men out there who do not want a 25-35 year old, thin blonde. Are there really? Please, some of you real people, tell me if it is true. This is part of my depression, not believing it is ever possible to really be loved by a man. As those of you who know me a little know, my husband, whom I married at age 18, left me after 30 + years of being together. So tell me something good my angel friends.

August 12, 2005
1:07 am
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jewel
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I am only 24 years old and I totally believe in love. No matter what your age. I used to work in a bank and there was a couple opening a new joint account since they had just gotten married. Should I mention that they were 75 years old and both widows and totally in love. It was the sweetest thing. They had their honeymoon in Florida which consisted of a visit to Universal Studios. I definetely believe in love at any age. Men don't always want a young woman. Believe me. I think sometimes people can read you so if I were you I would work on my self confidence and go out and show the men that you the lady that you are inside and just shine on and go from there. Hugs from Jewel!!!!!

August 12, 2005
1:20 am
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BelovedBeliever
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Wow, Jewel, I was just writing to you on the Lonely thread and then came back here to see if anyone anwered me yet! Thank you Honey for those kind words. You hang in there too, ok? {{{{{Jewel}}}}} BB

August 12, 2005
1:26 am
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cheeseowl
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it is possible angel.i am 41 and a man .iI have truly learned to love my inner beauty and as soon i could see that in me i could see in my wonderful partner/women freind. I dont desire a girl of 25-35 someone ,i love enriched women.There some of us men that will continue to work on ourselves!!!!!!!!

August 12, 2005
1:33 am
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BelovedBeliever
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Thank you Cheese. Didn't expect to hear from a man. I love the way you put it....."enriched women". That is what I am. I think I may just change my "name" on here to Enriched Women because of you.
Will you marry me? lol
Just kidding!

August 12, 2005
1:37 am
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jewel
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BB(may I call you that for short),

I think sometimes when you are out looking for love you won't find it. There is a Chris Cagle song(he is a country singer) that has a song about finding someone when you weren't even looking. I should go out in my car and get the cd so I could write you the words so you could read them. I believe they are so true. If you would like me to get them for you, I will. Hugs from Jewel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 12, 2005
1:58 am
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nutbar
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I remember a few years ago I got dumped by someone I had known for ten years but had only actually been dating for a couple of months. He was a nice guy...I thought this time it would work...but alas, once again I was dumped with no explanation ...just stopped talking to me. So. I was telling a good male friend of mine that I was going to go into my cave for awhile and try to figure out what it was I was doing wrong. He said to me. Your problem is 'you have to stop looking for love and start living through love instead' OH MY GOD. whammo. Now those were words to live by. That night all I could think of was that this was going to be my new motto..ya!..gonna put it on my fridge. But the next day every time i thought about really living through the love I have in my life, I could feel myself getting softer, and softer and softer until I was a big pile of emotional goo that just wanted to feel someones arms around me. Later that night, there was an unexpected knock on my door..and there was an old love of mine. He came in, gave me a big hug and I just started crying. weeeiiirrdd. We've been living together for two years now. It is still a challenge for me to live through love, in all areas of my life, but it does give me a choice when I'm feeling lost in how to deal with a situation....hmm..be pissed off at my parents for two days, or focus on spending sometime with my daughter? easy. Is any of this relevant? please tell me.
Thanks again for listening .

August 12, 2005
2:30 am
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BelovedBeliever
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Hmmm, sounds relevant to me. But maybe you were misunderstanding. I am not looking for love. I am questioning if it even exists after a certain point. Just want to hear some positives.
Not exactly sure what "start living through love" means. Help me understand. Thanks for the post. BB

August 12, 2005
2:33 am
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BelovedBeliever
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Yes,
Dear Jewel, get the words for me. I love country music, but right now it makes me very sad to listen to. {{{smooch}}}

August 12, 2005
10:59 am
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nutbar
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Beloved Believer

I guess what Live through love means, at least to me, is that are so many wonderful aspects of life to enjoy that instead of me looking for love or looking for that love to be a certain way, that I should try to live my life happily enjoying the people and activities that bring me joy. What made me so soft and emotional that day is that I felt that I didn't know what I loved anymore. ( A busy single mom of a two year old tends to forget about herself).
As to whether or not love exists....At certain times of my life it's that very question that has got me out of bed in the morning. You've got to believe.

August 12, 2005
11:38 am
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2bstrong
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Hi Beloved...

Read the thread called "first time" posted by upsidedown. Even though it is tragic, as his love of 20 + years left him for someone else, it is the story of true love, at least on his behalf. It is one of the most heartwrenching stories I have ever read on this site. He is a wonderful, warm, sweet and caring person. Read it and believe in love.

Also--get that out of your head that every guy/man wants a young thang'. It ain't so...the real men, the kind that you want, are attracted to inner beauty. Believe in your beauty, beloved. Inside and out, and you will find love.--2b

August 12, 2005
11:44 am
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BelovedBeliever
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Thank you 2b, I will try to find it.

August 12, 2005
11:49 am
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Anonymous
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BB, I'm so glad you posed this question. I am 45 years old, and looking back over my life, I realize that I have never had a "mature, unconditional" love in my life. Sad, I know. But true. Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful family (parents, children) that love me no matter what, but I'm talking about romantic love which I believe is what you are asking about.

I have often wondered this myself. Recently, I heard someone tell a story of a mother and her son who were looking at the petals of a flower. The child began to pull them off one at a time, saying "mommy loves me, she loves me not". You know, the little game that we all played as children. Well, he got to the final petal, and realized that it was gonna finish with "she loves me not". He thought a minute, then lovingly looked as his mother, and said "Mom, it's a petal short!" How adorable is that??? The moral of that sweet story is that human love will ALWAYS be a petal short. Only God's love is love in it's purest form and He is NEVER a petal short!

That little story brought a smile to my face. So I think of it often, when I'm longing for a human love that I think I've missed out on. And I can rest easy in the fact that I KNOW no matter what, I am loved by the God of this universe in such an extraordinary way! So no matter if I find it in this world or not, I have it still, in the confines of my heart:)

Peace to you BB, today and always. Search within yourself for the love you seek. It's been there all along:)

August 12, 2005
11:57 am
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BelovedBeliever
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Thank you Plz, that was very sweet. Most days, what you said about God is the only thing that gets me through. Even when my husband was here and I was lonely sitting in the same room with him So many times I have been crying and looked up toward Heaven and said,"thank you God that You love me unconditionally and will never abandon me or reject me". I know this with all of my heart.

(Sometimes though I wish it was somebody with skin on)

August 12, 2005
12:00 pm
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exoticflower
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My father is 47 and has met the woman of his dreams. They are both mad for each other, and are like teenagers togeather. It is the truest happiest love I have ever seen in my life. My Grandmother remarried when she was 67, and the same of them. In their youth they where both doing what was expected of them, only to turn around 20 or so years later with the kids gone and the house clean and say "well, now what about ME? What did I want?". Armed with that want to find true happiness for themselves, to really live for them, take back their lives, they found parnters who wanted to do the same, and the open willingness to just love for love, not with an agenda, really opened doors for them. I'm not even going to concider a serious relationship again until my daughter is in her teens, which puts me in my late thirties or early fourties, so god I hope you can find true love later in life!!!

August 12, 2005
1:43 pm
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kathygy
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BelovedBeliever,

I am 55 years old and whole heartedly believe there is love at any age. I still find that men are very attracted to me and I have met and know a lot of men over the age of 50 who were interested in me and loved me. In fact, It seems to me that most men over age 50 are more interested in meeting a woman their own age. It sounds like you are coming from a position of scarcity. You're more likely to find love if you think in terms of abundance, i.e., there are an abundance of good men to love me. Try to think in positive terms and you'll get better results. Good luck!

love,
kathy

August 12, 2005
8:40 pm
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bonni
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I hope so. I was so lucky to find my husband when we were young, but with him away at war, I often wonder what will happen if he doesn't come back, will I live the rest of my life alone? It was so hard to let him in my life and to let him love me. In his absence, I have found that many men seem to be attracted to me. I think its the vulnerability as much as anything, I'm not that attractive. I don't know if I can find mature love with another man. Sex, I'm betting yes. But what i have with my dh is worth waiting for. I am SO lonely sometimes. Just thinking about it, I want to cry.

I want to rebuild my marriage when my husband comes home. I'm just having a hard time believing he will come home. I don't want to be let down again. I thought I would die letting him go. I like the idea of learning to live through love. I don't need to be loved to live. Can I make myself believe this?

August 12, 2005
8:52 pm
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gingerleigh
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It is out there. My mother met the love of her life when she was in her early forties. My father met a wonderful woman when he was in his fifties.

Me? I'm 29, supposedly attractive, and can't get a date to save my life. So, the stereotypes really aren't true, honest! We all just have to be patient, the right one (or ones) will come along. But I guess not until we're actually ready, and not a moment before.

I hate that part.

August 12, 2005
9:17 pm
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StronginHim77
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Yes. It is possible to find romantic love in your fifties. My mother met my stepfather and married him in her early fifties. They had 29 years together, before he passed away. He was the love of her life. They were amazingly compatible! I think men enjoy us more as we age because we are more appreciative, calmer and probably less demanding at 50 then we were at 29. It is "hunger" and "desperation" which turn a man off...not age. I can only imagine how deeply betrayed you feel, but don't let this trauma destroy your hope. You will meet someone who truly appreciates you WHEN YOU ARE READY. There needs to be a Season of Healing first. You have a wounded heart. Give it some time and don't panic. Love comes when we are ready for it.

August 12, 2005
9:17 pm
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StronginHim77
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Yes. It is possible to find romantic love in your fifties. My mother met my stepfather and married him in her early fifties. They had 29 years together, before he passed away. He was the love of her life. They were amazingly compatible! I think men enjoy us more as we age because we are more appreciative, calmer and probably less demanding at 50 then we were at 29. It is "hunger" and "desperation" which turn a man off...not age. I can only imagine how deeply betrayed you feel, but don't let this trauma destroy your hope. You will meet someone who truly appreciates you WHEN YOU ARE READY. There needs to be a Season of Healing first. You have a wounded heart. Give it some time and don't panic. Love comes when we are ready for it.

August 12, 2005
9:23 pm
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Rasputin
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Beloved Believer,

Please see my thread "Never too late to fall in love."

R

August 13, 2005
2:04 am
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BelovedBeliever
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I want to wrap my arms around all of you. You, each and every one give me new hope each time I come here. Love and acceptance flows freely here. Thank you.

Those of you who pray, will you pray for me?

My self-esteem is at rock bottom right now. I am overweight and this was an issue with my husband for the last 10 years at least. He said it wasn't the actual weight that bothered him, but that I was a different person than when I was thin. And it was true. I no longer felt free to act silly and jump around, or be on top, or even be completely without clothes on, always had a shirt on, no more showering together, no lingerie, etc.

So I cannot help feeling that his interest in the younger,"thinner" women is partly my fault. He is an attractive man. Has no problem with weight. And I have been told that I am very pretty, and even beautiful by some, but I always tag on the end of that statement in my head (but fat).

I guess if I really admit my deepest fear here it is that no man will be attracted to me now. I am so down. So energyless. Am strugghling with Major Depression. Unable to concentrate. Having memory problems that are upsetting. Unmotivated to do anything productive.

I am moving from this apartment he and I shared, next weekend, and I need to pack everything, but I just keep avoiding it. I am not the kind of person who waits until the last minute. I am usually organized in thought and deed. Now I don't even know what that means.

I feel like I am rambling on here, but these thoughts are swimming around in my head. It helps to just get them out. Any words of wisdom for me?

August 13, 2005
2:39 am
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EJ
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Hi BB,

It's natural that you feel devastated after what has happened to you. Are you getting some medical help with your depression, I hope? Of course it's very awful for you to contemplate packing up your stuff and moving out of the home you shared. Is there someone in your life who can lend you some energy and help you out? Don't be afraid to call a friend and say, "I am miserable and without energy . . . can you help me pack?" Every one of us has been broken-hearted at one point or another, so don't be ashamed to be miserable, disorganized, without energy and all the other (temporary, thank goodness!) symptoms of our condition. Give your friends a chance to show their love for you.

About the weight thing, don't be too quick to torture yourself with it. Did your husband REALLY leave because you put on weight, or did you put on weight to avoid intimacy with a jerk who was treating you badly? I think a lot of women do this. I know my sister did. She was married to a bi-polar porn addict (Hmmm, she and I have amazingly similar tastes!) for about 20 years and in this time she put on over 100 pounds. Her husband griped about it all the time and blamed her weight for their sexual problems. So she went on Weight Watchers and lost a bunch and then he got insecure and miserable and tried to fatten her back up. In the end, he cheated with his secretary and my sister dumped him and found a very kind, emotionally healthy man when they were both in their mid-forties. They got married at the American Embassy in Iceland, of all places. Now they're dieting and exercising together!

Don't give up, sweetie. If there's one more emotionally mature and loving man out there, he's MINE, but if there are two, I'll send one of them your way!!!

Love,
EJ

August 13, 2005
2:52 am
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BelovedBeliever
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LOL< Thanks, EJ! Shall we look for twins? About the weight issue, you may be right. I will have to think about this a bit. Yes, I am seeing a doctor about my depression. My mood is improving and at least I don't feel like there are tears in my eyes 24 hours a day just waiting to fall. I mean that literally. I also started seeing a psychologist for the first time ever..and between her and this site, I am doing better. But I still don't like all of the areas that are being affected by my depression. The memory thing bothers me the most I think, because I work with patients with dementia and Alzheimer's every day. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

August 13, 2005
3:04 am
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EJ
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Wow, good for you! You're going to a doctor for your depression AND seeing a psychologist AND posting on this site?!!! Obviously, you're very motivated to get healthy and good things are going to come your way, I know!:)

Depression sucks, and you will feel like madhouse material for awhile. Just go with it. For kicks, wrap up in a sheet, climb onto your roof, and tell everyone you're Moses, parting the Red Sea. (I actually heard of an alzheimer's patient doing this, and it's one of my eventual goals!)

Love,
EJ

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