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Some relief
February 9, 2000
10:10 pm
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Bec
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September 29, 2010
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Hi all. I'm new here. I was reading all your posts and was pleasantly surprised to see so many caring, heartfelt responses to even the smallest concerns. So I figured it couldn't hurt to join in. I'm not sure that I expect a lot of advice or anything, but rather just an opportunity to talk about what bothers me and know that someone might read it who will understand.

I've been heavily considering looking into therapy recently. I feel extremely emotionally unstable. I often get upset with my fiancee for the silliest things (like leaving a light on or not waiting anxiously at the door when I get home from work), after which we have a seemingly needless fight. In the last few months, these fights have ended with me in tears, feeling like I just can't control my emotions. Don't get me wrong, my fiancee and I have a good, strong relationship, but he has admitted what I already know: that he can't understand what goes through my head, and that I need to talk to someone who does. I often feel lonely (don't have many friends) and depressed. I feel like I cry way too easily.

Therapy is something I have thought about several times in the last few years. My grandparents were killed in a car accident 3 1/2 years ago, and ever since, my emotional well-being has been a roller coaster ride. I was nearly suicidal after they died, and horribly depressed for about 6 months. Then I began to accept it and move on. But I just haven't been the same person. I feel stress and anxiety and excessive worry as a result of minor challenges. And I do not know how to handle these feelings.

The prospect of seeing a professional scares the hell out of me. I'm so afraid that I won't be able to explain what goes through my head. I'm afraid a therapist/counselor won't be able to help me. I'm afraid I will discover something about myself that I don't want to discover. I'm afraid of having any expectations at all. I know that therapy is something I want to try, but I still remain extremely apprehensive. And when I think about these decisions I have to make, I feel like bawling.

I guess that's all I'll go into for now. I'm sure I will post again soon. I apologize if this post was somewhat erratic or didn't make much sense. It's not easy for me to explain how I feel most of the time. But anyway, thanks all for listening.

February 9, 2000
10:53 pm
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kitten
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September 24, 2010
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Just remember, it's always darkest before the dawn...

The light has a way of cleansing things, so don't be afraid. If you look at life as a journey of self discovery it's not so scary. Good luck. I hope you find a good therapist. You've made the first step--that is the hardest one. Blessings.

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