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so why isn't he contacting me?
August 3, 2005
10:16 pm
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donna25
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Well, it's been almost 3 weeks since the break up...I said not contact but then broke it via msn a week later..seemed fine (that was a friday) then he messaged me that saturday and at the end of the conversation told me to call him if I felt like it...but I msn'd him when I got home rom the bar instead...didn't say much...then that sunday he messaged me again we go in a bit of a tiff, resolved (kinda of) and he said call me so I did...we didn't talk about anything just what we had been doing and after 40 mins we got of the phone but not before he asked if I was going to be up later...he didn't call not a big deal but then just never did...I sent him a text last thursday about his venture, he answered I responded....and that was it....this from a guy that use to call me 3 times a day...whats up????

the break up was mutual although I didn't want it...and he is one of the NICE ones...I am shocked he has not even contacted me to ask if I got the job I applied for.

August 3, 2005
11:08 pm
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Anonymous
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Donna, don't want to hurt your feelings, but after reading what you wrote, it sounds like "he's just not that into you." He may like you, but not sure about what he wants right now. I'm sure he enjoys having you around, but sounds like he's "looking" also. So this is his way of stringing you along.

I dated a guy briefly (like you) that I totally fell head over heels for. It was fast, intense...we couldn't get enough of each other (or so I thought)
I knew I was the best thing he had EVER found, I just couldn't convince him of that. Seems he was just into the whole game playing mode, NOT a relationship at all. I couldn't understand it at all? Didn't he know that girls like ME don't come around that often? Oh boy, was HE gonna be sorry if he let me slip away! Yea, well it was a great conversation I had with myself, but unfortunately, I don't think it ever crossed his mind. He moved on so fast, it left my head spinning. He just wanted to "play", so he only stuck around til the "fun" wore off. It hurt, I cried, and mourned over that silly little short 3-month fling for almost a year. Yea, I know, I'm a glutton for punishment.

Donna, you seem like you have some great qualities to offer someone. Don't settle for someone who isn't crazy about you. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, it just means that he's not in the some place you are. So don't pine for him any longer than you must...get back out there, girl!!! Somebody is looking for you as we speak:)

August 3, 2005
11:19 pm
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donna25
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What was your guys reason for ending it? This guy use to call me 3 tiems when I was out with my friends...I think partly out of fear I would meet somone else..he did this right up to the week it ended. 5 days before it ended he told me he wasn't open to meeting anyone else.

August 3, 2005
11:31 pm
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stardust
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August 3, 2005
11:58 pm
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Anonymous
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We didn't "end" anything unfortunately. It just fizzled...he moved away, and I mourned for something for a full year that wasn't worth it. I spent way too much time trying to figure out why he wouldn't WANT me! Looking back now, I know it had nothing to do with me, and EVERYTHING to do him. He told me what I wanted to hear, and I believed him. I was needy, and he took full advantage of my neediness. I don't know what your guy's deal is. Only he does. But I know this...if they WANT to be with you, NOTHING will keep them away! That's a hard pill to swallow (it was for me), but it's the truth. I over analize EVERYTHING, so I spent hours and hours and days and weeks pouring over conversations in my mind that he and I had had. WHY??? What did I do wrong? Why did he say one thing and DO another? I beat myself up because I thought I had done something wrong. Please don't do this to yourself. He may have seemed like the "perfect" guy, but obviously he is confused about what he wants. Don't wait around for him to "wake up". Most likely he never will:(

August 4, 2005
4:10 am
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donna25
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yes. Its hard to swallow the fact that I don't know how one sided this may of been. I can understand not wanting to share your life with someone until you get your life in order (job) he was laid off shortly after we met and not feel right about getting into a relationship like he said...but when I feel like that I don't want to get involved in the ifrst place. He's good guy, doesn't drink, athlete..doesn't swear even..offered to take my roomates mom to airport...so his behvior is mind boggling...I'm shocked he's not contacted me cause he knows he can...but I guess I feel the longer I go the longer he will go...I need to stop obsessing thought and don't how to stop...its starting to effect things, work...appitite...Ive lost oo much wieght..as I tend to do whenI am upset

August 4, 2005
6:31 am
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Molly
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This is my story donna !!! Answer you after this ...
Ahh , my story is ..... Me and my now ex were head over heals in love . In last year i starting getting demanding , jealous etc . I pushed him to the edge many a nite . After a feed of drink one nite i told him twas over ! Next morning he said i hurt him and that i got nasty etc . He said he wasnt sure about us anymore , that the business failing is getting ontop of his plus he is a single parent so finds that hard too . At mo we on a break . I am finding it hard as i do believe it is my fault for pushing him . He is putting up a stuborn front . The ball in his court now for our future . His last words were that he will ring me durn week , as the last few days we have been fighting with bitter words via tex and email . PHEW ... Better in than out , ehh .. I am worried i am clinging onto the hope we'll get back and if we dont i'll be gutted !!!! HELP

August 4, 2005
6:32 am
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Molly
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So donna , what reason did yee give for break up ???? How long were yee dating ??

Molly

August 4, 2005
6:36 am
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Molly
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Ohh dona just red thr that he moved away !! girlfriend are YOU crazy pining for him .......... Get out thr !! You'll defo meet some1 else

Molly

August 4, 2005
7:10 am
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donna25
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oh no he did move away in fact he lives accross the..I don't run into them he lives in a apt. and my apt and his are blcked by a house...WE met online talked for ours on the phone for almost a week and then we were inseprable the next...he spoke as if we were going to be together for awheil...then he freaked...he thought it was moving too fast and wanted to start of as friends again...that lasted a week...there is a lot in between long story short it didn't even end on bad terms...what he did ronically enough when things were great he put his profile back on lava...because he was bored...he does have a certian innocence about him I loved...hes not the kinda guy that picks women up in bars...not his style..he just didn't understand that after saying we were not open to meeting other people how that was being open to meeting other people...anyway i told him I couldn't continue to see him he then told me that he didn't think it was fair for him to hold me back from what I really wanted (a b/f) and that it was it...for a week untill I messaged him and the rest is above. the thing is he called me 99% of the time

August 4, 2005
7:11 am
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donna25
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oh yeah it was only a couple of months but we both you to say how it felt like we knew each other a lot longer

August 4, 2005
7:18 am
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Molly
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Ahh donna !! i hear what your saying girl ..... Tis hard pet but no one said life was easy ?? So he doesnt live near you ?? I am a bit lost thr !!!

Molly

August 4, 2005
7:21 am
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Molly
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Donna i am finding it SO HARD not to tex / email me ex ... He works down road from me but is avoiding passing my work place . My heart is BREAKing girl .... I 100% love him but my drama (jealously , fights etc) are getting in way and he cant take it no more , with a failing business and young kid ... WHAT AM I GONA DO !!!

August 4, 2005
10:32 am
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SexySadie
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Molly...honey...the last night you wrote "What Can I Do?" the only thing you CAN do...is something right now that you are fighting against...that is taking care of you. Look over my posts the past month...I've spent the past month trying desperately to "Save" the man I love from himself and his self-destruction. You know where it got me...almost 15lbs lighter, chain smoking like a fiend, sleepless nights, an emotional wreck...etc...wow and what has he been doing the past 30 days...drinking himself out of HIS misery...not feeling a thing...very content in his "new" life as he says.

You have got to take care of yourself...you cannot save the world. You can only save yourself. Step back and look at the big picture, I know it's hard to do...but ask the rest of the group, because I have been there...you have to step back and realize that right now you are almost as unhealthy as he is. Yes, it's true as much as you and the rest of us refused to believe it...we're not healthy either...we all need to heal ourselves. There may be a time when you can be there for him, but you have to learn to let go of the emotions that you are feeling.

I strongly suggest reading Codependency No More" and A Return to Love.

You can't help someone who won't help himself...you can only help yourself.

August 4, 2005
1:53 pm
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kathygy
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Donna, I know its hard when a man comes on strong and then pulls back. I know the feeling of wanting him to live up to everything he said in the begining but the reality is it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what he is saying and doing now. His reality has changed. His view of being with you has changed. When a relationship starts off fast and furious it often happens that he man gets scared and runs away. There is nothing you can do about it except accept the facts and move on. Keeping in touch with him is hurting you because you're expectations go up and his do not. Take care of yourself and move on. You deserve a full, committed relationship and this man is not going to give it to you.

Molly, I'm very sorry you're heart is breaking. But you can heal your heart by letting go and focusing on you. It sounds like you need to do some work on yourself. That part of you that gets demanding and jealous and pushes a man away. I wonder if you are afraid of getting too close. Something to think about.

love,
kathy

August 4, 2005
6:18 pm
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donna25
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sorry...I type to fast sometimes...yes he lives accross the street from me...I actually just got back from my theripist and I am clinically depressed at this point.. X was the trigger...but I've got my celexa for the depression but he says its not going to take away the grieving...I could tell it had changed from just being sad to something more beyond him...I guess maybe over the last couple of days when the reality that he might not have any plans in actually contacting me is when I started to feel really bad...it makes me think that it was all a farce and I ment nothing? or is it just the way he deals and he is sad? I don't know anymore? I don't know how anyone can fake a freindship by calling them 3 times a day...I don't know...

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