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So, what the hell do I do with my life now?? Soulsister
July 25, 2006
12:05 am
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Anonymous
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(((soul))) Theres one thing women all over the world cant do as well as men and that is... cheat. As long as you didnt invest yourself... but you like what he has to say... and who can trust it? Even a compliment seems back handed, you deserve better, really. Take advantage of the ego booster and move on while the going is good. Then again, who am I to know...

July 25, 2006
12:54 am
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lightchaser
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SOUL:

I am sorry to hear you are feeling so confused right now.

But you know, you don't need to hear that you are too good for B from Mr. 22. You know you deserve better than that. You deserve someone who will put you and your babies first, and I don't know the story with B, I just know he aint where he should be and its probably his own Damn fault.

Now you are left trying to pick up your life and deal with all these feelings. I am not saying B is not a good man. he could have a heart of gold. Many good men get themselves into trouble, but many a good woman get left holding everything that good man left behind.

(((SOUL)))

Like the poster above said, your a big girl and if you wanna have some fun do it. If you need a little lovin' and an ego boost then go ahead with this.

But when you end up feeling confused and sad, that sucks.

I know I am in the same place right now through no ones fault but my own.

I am thinkin' of you and just want you to know there are alot of people out here that love you and value you. I know its not the same, but I just wante dyou to know I care.

I've been wondering how you are feeling.

July 25, 2006
1:50 am
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Oh my GOD..

I want to know if today you are all feeling what I'm feeling??? This sounds so wierd..and I've been drinking..and hardly had any sleep...but I just feel like WE ARE ALL here together....for a reason....a HUGE reason..and this has only happended to me so many times in my life...but...I get these feelings..when I connect with people. Really strong feelings..that are really intense..a sign of some kind that strange things are going to happen. I am feeling this way today..with Mr 22..with B...with my kids..and with every single one of you that posted to me...on this thread and the sex thread...I am tripping out!! That is the only way I can say it.. While typing this..and feeling so strange..I get this call from Andrea..B's cousin..I asked her if she is having a wierd day..and she said yes..then Mr. 22 calls. He is very upset..he said confides in me..a whole bunch of shit..girls..I am freaking out..he is on his way over..because he doesn't want to be home alone. THis is not about SEX..this is because he feels I am the only person he can talk to about this. I will tell you all what exactly waht it has to do with..but...shit..this is so f-n wierd..

He is going to be here any minute..I will talk to you guys tomorrow..

Shit I am freaking out! My life is SO strange..

Love you all...so frickin' much... I need to go talk to Lost..too..I've been worried about her..

Lvoe SOul

July 25, 2006
8:25 am
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Hi Soul, Are you alright? I have missed chatting with you.

See ya this afternoon.

1L1

July 25, 2006
8:32 am
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lightchaser
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Soul:

Get back to us right away when you can and let us know how you are doing. I agree today is weird. I wazzed out last night and I feel bad about it. I am sick, my daughter is sick.

Sometimes I too feel like we are all here for a reason. It s a good feeling.

I hope you are okay.

Light

July 25, 2006
1:18 pm
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Ok..that was such a wierd day..evening. B told me that he had written a letter to his girlfriend..he had disappeared with. (that month and a half..that he was running) He told her that he wanted her to know that he love me... He can't really tell me all of the details..because he has a no contact order..and isn't supposed to be talking to her. SHe was with him..the 1st time he eluded..he drove off without her. SHe is in jail with him right now. SO, apparently, she wrote him back..taht she understood why he wanted to be with me..and I cried. Bawled actually, to him. It was jsut something I had needed him to say to me and her..for a long time. I also, have all of this guilt..because of Mr 22.

THen..I read all of your posts...which..mean so much to me...and I have these days..where..I get these feelings that something signicant is going to happen. Yesterday, was one of those days.

SO, then Andrea calls me..and I might add that when I met her..I got this feeling about our friendship. SHe is the person that I learned so much about B's childhood from. The was B's mom had treated him when his father committed suicide. So, she is freaking out..and I asked her if she had a strange day..and she said "yes" and that she just had to talk to me.

THen my other line rings..It's Mr. 22..he is really upset. Says, he needed to confide in me..and that He doesn't know why..but I was the only person that came to mind to talk to..and GIRLS..he got high on COKE..for the first time in his life. He did it on FRI..and he tells me..the only reason he cancelled on me..for the beach..was because he was high. You want to know something...I knew there was something wrong with him. I even asked him?? He had asked me to come over to BBQ..then tried to cancel..and I was pissed..and he said to come over. Well, it all had to do with drugs. SO, this guy..has NEVER done drugs..EVER!! He tries it Fri..and feels like he immediately starts obsessing about it. He stayed up all night..talking to me..telling me he can't believe he did it. He has always been against it..He actually left about 5am ..and went to work. I had asked him to promise me..he wouldn't do it again..and he wouldn't...but right before he left he said He wouldn't...

He texted me acouple of times today..saying he was ok..and sorry about putting me through all of that..and that he was shakey. I told him to eat..and be careful working on no sleep..etc..

Now, I knew something was up..taht I met him for a reason..he actually...gave me what he had left..and aske dme to get rid of it..My life is so strange..

He told me last night..out on my back porch..that he didn't want to marry his fiancee..he wasn't happy with her..and that "He wanted to be with me!!"

Girls...I'm freaking out!

Then, B calls me this morning..he was really down. It felt like he knew..he was practically in tears..he said he didn't know how he was going to make in there..for so long. He was really depressed.

Sorry, this is so long.....I just don't understand my purpose sometimes..then I have a day like that..and I somehow feel I have one. But, it is soooo codependent...that it is disgusting...

Love Soulsister

July 25, 2006
1:47 pm
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lightchaser
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You caught it in the end Soul, it is soooo codependent. So your purpose in life is to take care of these 2 men who should know how to take care of themselves by now??????

I am sorry, honey, I know you are happy Mr. 22 wants to be with you. I am not saying he is a bad guy, HOWEVER, the Coke, the NEED he is showing for you, telling you that YOU are the ONLY one he could confide in. RED FLAGS WAVING ALL OVER THE PLACE!!

I know thats not what you want to hear right now, but none of us are here to lie to you.

B is gonna tell you how much you mean to him, because you do, you mean everything to him. He has nothing to do but sit around and think about how much he NEEDS you.

People do change and yes, people make mistakes. B may be the man of your dremas when he gets out and Mr. 22 may not get married and may turn out to be just what you wanted. But, you need to think about what they have done for you so far, and how their flaws in character have effected your life so far.

Oh Soul, I don't mean to be negative, I really don't. I do hope this turns out to be as good as you hope it will be. Just go in with your head on straight, and know what you may be getting yourself into.

Maybe right now what you need is a diversion from the pain you feel about B. Maybe this would help you let him go.

I did that when my boyfriend was in Juvie for murder ( I was 19) and married my STBX to get myself out of that love I carried around with me for years. Now, by STBX is no cupcake, but I might have ended up dead if I stayed with the other. Sometimes we do strange things when we can't be with the person we feel we can't live without.

Love to you Soul!

July 25, 2006
2:58 pm
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Hi Lightchaser..

I really appreciate everything that you said....I am so confused...so, strange..the only time I feel good...is when someone needs me. It's like my own kind of high..you know what I'm saying. It's so sick..

Mr 22 just called...I'm so confused about my feelings for him..he said he has to work at noon..and he slept in his truck for 3 hours..and is feeling a little better.

I was wondering why he is doing all of these things lately. Things he wouldn't normally do. Because he is getting married..and he wants to do all of these bad things..before he can't anymore. Or is he sabotoging everything..so he doesn't have to get married. He has never done drugs before..he has been flaking out at work..cheating..he is one confused young man. He said if she knew he did what he had done..she would not marry him.

I don't feel you are being negative..you are just saying it like it is and I really appreciate that.

Your post yesterday on the sex thread..It really hit home with..I need to go read it again..It seems like ages ago that I read ti..

Hmmm...so strange..everything..

Love SOul

July 25, 2006
3:27 pm
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Hi Lightchaser..

I really appreciate everything that you said....I am so confused....the only time I feel good...is when someone needs me. It's like my own kind of high..you know what I'm saying. It's so sick..

Mr 22 just called...I don't know what my feelings are for him..he said he has to work at noon..and he slept in his truck for 3 hours..and is feeling a little better.

I was wondering why he is doing all of these things lately. Things he wouldn't normally do. Because he is getting married..and he wants to do all of these bad things..before he can't anymore. Or is he sabotoging everything..so he doesn't have to get married. He has never done drugs before..he has been flaking out at work..cheating..he is one confused young man. He said if she knew he did what he had done..she would not marry him.

I don't feel you are being negative..you are just saying it like it is and I really appreciate that.

I hope everyone is having a good day...

Love Soul

July 25, 2006
5:56 pm
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Soulsister
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OOPS!! posted twice...gosh these past few months seem unreal..like a dream..or a nightmare..it just doesn't seem like any of it has happened...starting from when B disappeared..to getting arrested..to the trial..to his sentancing..to my meeting Mr 22...so frickin' unreal...

I am so happy to have found all of you here...very happy..and very thankful too 🙂

Love Soulsister

July 25, 2006
6:43 pm
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lightchaser
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SOUL- I am very happy to have found you too! You are a wonderful, caring, loving woman!! (((SOUL))

July 25, 2006
6:54 pm
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readyforachange
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(((soul))) I agree with lightchaser...don't ignore the red flags. They both need you desperately...why is that? What are they giving to you? What are they offering you? You deserve someone who can give, not just take.

Be careful...I don't want to see you fall into the same trap...he used coke. What will it be next time? will he expect you to save him? Red flag...

July 26, 2006
2:02 am
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Hi guys...

Well, Mr 22 called me after work. Told me to stop by after visiting B in jail tonight.

Me and little B went by and we hung out for a little bit..he was talking about going to the store..so..I told him..we were just checking on him and gave him a hug..and left. he had said he was feeling much better..and coulndn't believe that he had even done what he had.

He called me later..asked me if he could make little B and I spaghetti tomorrow night. So, of course..no one ever cooks for me..and I said yes.

3 weeks until the big day...does he have feeling for me? Does he think he will just stop having them for me? I was thinking..I might take off to Reno to see my Aunt during this time. It will take my mind off of it..and it will be a vacation that has been so needed...

Thanks for listening to me...love SOul

July 26, 2006
4:47 am
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hopeless
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soul.. i lived with a meth addict. I spent a very long time thinking he loved me too.. truth: he loved his addiction. His first wife left him and took his son, i left him, he was too broke to get food.. but he still found money to feed the addiction. Truth: they dont quit. He promised, cried, lied, stole, but quit? never. They CANNOT and do not WANT to quit... so i suggest if you're in limbo.. go out to a place you havent been before.. far from this man.

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