Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
so what if you change your ways, but it takes a lifetime?
October 5, 2004
12:36 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Somebody give me an opinion on this. I've been in therapy since I was a kid. I have a mood disorder which supposedly is the primary reason for my depressions. The whole environment vs. biology issue is something i'm always trying to weigh, I have to do so to give my dr. input on meds, etc...
but I KNOW it's not all chemical... so much in the way i think needs to change.

...so i was talking to my therapist recently and i mentioned that i appreciate the sessions because i need the support and feedback, but that i am getting somewhat hopeless about ever changing, hard as i try. my depressions never seem to really leave me and while i get better and better at "functioning" like a "normal" person, i sure as hell don't feel like one.

if a person thinks a certain way because they have a lifetime of those habits, doesn't it take just as long to change as it did to learn that way of thinking? so am i going to be unhappy until i'm 70? my therapist answered "well isn't that something to live for?" i guess she thought that was funny. i did not. no it's not worth waiting for. call me impatient, but that's a long way off.

what are some of your experiences with long term therapy?

please help. i'm ready to just start going through the motions, put the bare minimum maintenance in so i can just get the meds.

-ella

October 5, 2004
4:58 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi. I have just joined this discussion group, after spending a few evenings reading and deciding whether this is for me or not.
You all sound such fantastic people, I am hoping that I will find someone to identify with my problem and we can help each other.
I have been in a low grade depression since I was ten years old. I have had therapy for the last 4 and have just given it up as I felt it is not taking me anywhere. I have decided to go it alone.
Mzrella, It is worth the fight even though you will often want to give up.

I have not been on medication except for one brief period where my Doctor did not tell me it was antidepresent. As soon as I found out I stopped. So have tried to deal with depression by thought control, breathing, change behaviour etc.
It does take constant work and I know that it will never stop it is for life. However, where I'm at right now it is worth the work.
The most difficult part is when you are in that dark hole, to believe that you can get out. But you can. Trust in your higher power and hang in there. My thoughts are with you.

October 5, 2004
11:18 am
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Ella: You verbalized what I have been feeling for a long time- about it taking a lifetime to change- and maybe it will happen by the time you're 70. That is such a long time and it seems it takes a monumental effort sometimes just to make an itty bitty change- and that doesn't necessarily mean its going to stick.

But at least now we are AWARE of what needs to change and I think that's most of the battle. A little bell goes off now when something doesn't seem right. It might take a while to recognize it, but it can be recognized.

I haven't been in long term therapy but I did go for about a year when I was having huge problems at work at it helped me keep my sanity. At least the therapist helped me feel that I wasn't this awful person that my boss was making me out to be. But he had the power and could do and say whatever he wanted so the outcome was still in his power. It did give me the strength to sue the company and I won so I did receive some validation but still felt like I left w/ my tail between my legs because I had to leave and he got to stay untarnished.

But that is a situation that is now history. I wish, like you say, that this changing/ recovery business could be history. Thinking of you. SD

October 6, 2004
10:29 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Thank you both for your responses, I truly appreciate it. I just started another thread because I feel like my issues might be better served in another forum. Or maybe I should just learn to express myself better. I think right now my need for help is so great, I am like a human black hole. All my support systems, this one included, don't seem to be working right now. Not that this site isn't great, it is. I must be doing something wrong.
-ella

October 6, 2004
10:42 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Boy do I hear you on that one "I must be doing something wrong."

I always feel like I am on the outside looking in. Like an invisible nobody.
I am not sure what I do...is it the thoughts I think...I sympathize with the lifetime of depression...
Sunday I wanted to die....Life seemed so hopeless. Hugs Ella...You are not alone

Misery does love company 🙂

October 6, 2004
10:46 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Thanks for the hugs MJ, haven't had any of those in a while!
-ella

October 6, 2004
10:48 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

We all need hugs....

October 6, 2004
10:49 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

So do you want to talk...I have time to listen?

October 6, 2004
10:53 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I will share a little about me.

I started therapy in 1978. My last counseling appt. was in June of this year. Is this considered long enough for your crediential of long term therapy?

I don't know what is wrong with me. My current therapist told me that if he were in my shoes he's run away too from my husband. I thought about it for a few months before I took his advice.

October 6, 2004
11:06 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

MJ-

Wow. That is a long time. I'm not judging anyone's "credentials for long term therapy" just saying that most of the exchanges on here are focused on a different issue.

When did you leave your husband? I broke up w/my bf in August and it seems like yesterday it hurts so much. Sometimes I think I might have been better off staying with him. The relationship was destructive, but if I don't get out of this rut, I'm going to end up being destructive enough to myself on my own. That's the nature of this beast.

Why did you end therapy? Did you start to feel better? I hope that is the reason.

thanks for writing...
-ella

October 6, 2004
11:07 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

just saw...you have your own thread... going to read it now...

October 6, 2004
11:37 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ella,
I left my husband on the 24th of Sept. and tried to reunite on Saturday which was a total insane disaster. I am very raw emotionally. I have been searching the laws of my state on Divorce. Didn't mean to run off...just trying to be educated.

October 6, 2004
11:39 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I didn't officially leave my counseling. I left it with I would call him when I got back from a trip I took to visit my daughters/family. I haven't picked up the phone and called because I didn't feel like I needed to just yet. 🙂

October 6, 2004
11:52 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Emotionally raw is a good way of describing how I feel too, it's exhausting. I thought by not contacting my ex that I would avoid that feeling and strengthen my resolve, but it's not working. I'm just depressed, maybe my chemistry and my breakup combining to make me feel this way. Sometimes my ex's mom IMs me on aol, we chat about her new grandchild, the weather, etc anything but her son. I don't initiate the IMs because I don't want her to have to think about her hopeless drug addicted son if she's not doing so already. But yesterday i did and asked if she'd heard from him. She said she hadn't and didn't know what happened to him. most likely he is in jail, or not, at any rate... it should be none of my business, I just still love him.

Yeah, raw is what it feels like. I can't stop crying and nothing has gone on in two months. I should be glad I put an end to the drama.

October 6, 2004
11:54 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Big Compassionate Hug Ella...Glad you are here. I want to feel better. What do you like to do when you are not being sad?

October 6, 2004
11:56 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I just want to stay inside and grieve.

I went to an Al-Anon meeting this afternoon. I rushed home to be with my own misery. I know it will engulf me if I allow it.

October 6, 2004
11:59 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have been walking on the beach. I found two sand dollars. Today, I just loafed and feel like crap tonight. I guess its best to do something Special and Nurturing instead of dwelling on the inner pain.

October 7, 2004
12:02 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sunday, I wanted to go sit in the cemetary. I wanted to see how it felt. I was so insane with my pain and grief. I knew that I needed to get out of myself so I came on home. Sometimes it helps for me to listen to uplifting tapes. I have been listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer. I always feel better...maybe I could do that again tonight to change my behavior.

October 7, 2004
12:08 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

I like to read (I'm a librarian), before I got my job I liked to make art (I was a Visual Arts major in college). My job is getting me down because I work w/kids. That should be inspiring, but I don't have a family so for personal reasons, sometimes it hurts and makes me more aware of how alone i am.

I have a dog I love more than anything in the world, if that sounds sick well- if not for her i'm pretty close to having nothing left that i love.

Once upon a time I used to like to workout, but I don't seem to be able to get into it like I used to. I'm working on that, it's kind of like a vicious cycle- I have no energy, I know the exercise will help, but I can't seem to do it more than once a week at most.

My apartment is small, but I like to fix it up- I've just run out of steam on that one too (besides it looks okay enough now... if I had a bunch of money i'd do my kitchen over, but that's a fantasy).

I'd like to go and take some art classes, life drawing or printmaking or something. It's just right now, i am lucky if i do my everyday stuff... i just barely have the will to show up for work and eat regular meals. I'm just so tired all the time.

October 7, 2004
12:11 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I can relate to being tired. I admire you for functioning. What kind of dog is he or she? I use to have a white cat...once upon a time. I love the unconditional love I recieved from my kitty.

October 7, 2004
12:12 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have a BS in Art/Photography.
I love to read. I usually have 4 books being read at once.

October 7, 2004
12:20 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ella, Tomorrow is a new day.
I hope you get lots of rest tonight. I am feeling tired so I am going to wander towards ....

It was nice to share with you tonight.

I wish you the best.

October 7, 2004
12:40 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

My dog is a long haired chihuahua mix- i think mixed with dauchaund. She is beautiful!

Thanks for chatting MJ- for making me feel less alone. Have more lovely walks on the beach.

-ella

October 7, 2004
4:55 pm
Avatar
brendalee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

-ella,
to respond to your orginal post - I can only tell you - honestly that sometimes it's just damn easier to stay miserable than to s t r e t c h out and become better. No lie. To be honest, I am rather comfortable being miserable. It's predictable. It's familiar. That's how I am feeling today. To become better would mean change and I hate change. Really. I hate surprises too!!!! Maybe all of this negative stuff wasn't what you were looking for - but I guess for me - even feeling this way is part of the process.....I'll probably just get to a point where I am fed up with feeling crappy - but for me, right now - I'm lazy. I admit it. Just - honestly don't have the energy to feel better because it's so new. Sometimes I just have to take a break from the "struggle" of getting better. Like today - I'm in a real bad funk because I've got honest with myself and admitted that even at age 44 - I NEVER saw myself with a future....still don't! So, bottom line - I'm just in a sucky mood right now....and that's OK. Brenda

October 7, 2004
10:35 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Although depression is a real medical illness, many people still mistakenly believe it is a personal weakness.

Screening for Mental Health, Inc. and the President and Fellows of Harvard College.

http://www.depression-screenin.....mptoms.htm

------------------------

"What causes manic depression?
Nobody understands this completely, BUT research has shown that manic depression does seem to run in families, and that it seems to have more to do with genes than with upbringing. It seems that the parts of the brain which control our moods don't work properly - this is why the symptoms of manic depression can be controlled with medication. Episodes of illness can sometimes be brought on by stressful experiences, lack of support, or physical illness. *So, it's no use expecting someone with this problem to just 'pull themselves together'. *"

Royal College of Psychiatrists
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/info/...../index.asp

----------------------------------

"WHAT IS A DEPRESSIVE DISORDER?
A depressive disorder is an illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts. It affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood.* It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be willed or wished away. People with a depressive illness cannot merely "pull themselves together" and get better.* Without treatment, symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years. Appropriate treatment, however, can help most people who suffer from depression."

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), part of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), a component of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/public.....ession.cfm

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
30
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714257
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information