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so unhappy, lonely cont....
May 7, 2007
8:25 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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September 24, 2010
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robbie,

it is sad that mom neglects you.

And I understand how painful it is because my dad has been no prize either.

My only thought was - if you knew mom was famous for forgetting, then perhaps you will have to continue to take the initiative to make the contact..otherwise, know that mom isn't going to make the first move.

It sucks that you have to do it...but if you come to accept that mom is going to be like that, and nothing is going to change...it may get easier to deal with. Once I realized that dad is not going to change and there is nothing I can do but deal with it...it got a little easier...it's still disappointing, but at least I don't feel like I am fighting against it all the time.

I know that I spent a good part of my life trying to get my dad's approval and getting him to say I did a good job or that he's proud of me or that he loves me.

And in the end, it was fruitless...he's just not going to be "that kind of dad". So, I spend my energy on other stuff...and know that I DID do a good job...that I am proud of ME...and that in the end, if I feel like I did well, that's all that matters.

I had to learn to validate myself...instead of waiting for dad to validate me.

It is hard...I know your pain...you are not alone.

May 7, 2007
8:45 am
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robbie2007
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September 30, 2010
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but why? why should I? My mom isnt a bad person nor a cold person - thats WHY i want so desperately to spend time with her or to get a phone call just to say - how ya doing? that isnt something to forget - it is what it is .....but its as if she NEVER thinks of me, and if she does, she doesnt bother to tell me.i want to mean as much to her as she means to me - and i know it in my head but i dont feel it in my heart. frankly, im tired of always being the one. i cant accept it.

May 7, 2007
8:48 am
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tooscared
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September 30, 2010
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Rising is giving you really good advice Robbie. Sometimes if something is important to you then you have to make the effort to make things happen or spend your time and energy on things for yourself. You can't make your mom or your dad change, but you can change how their behavior affects you. I agree that self validation is what is most important because our parents can't give to us what they don't have themselves.

Have a great day and I hope your sadness will go away soon.

Love, TS

May 7, 2007
8:54 am
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robbie2007
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September 30, 2010
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hey TS ..how ya doing? i have been the one putting in all the effort and thats the problem. im tired of it.

i guess its hard becuz i know they care. i know they love me.

they can be very generous with their money. they dont have to be. like i asked for a $1000 loan to buy a new clarinet. mom told me sunday she started to ask my father and he said before she could finish - does it have to do with money...yes...that he doesnt mind doing that for us kids.

if only he/she - they could give as much emotionally as they do financially.....

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