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So tired of everything - Shaney
May 14, 2007
11:13 pm
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bevdee
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Sininho and Shaney

I just had to tell this one. My deaf stepdad? His hearing loss started a long time ago, and my mother always said his hearing was selective. Well, it strated getting worse, and finally she talked his granddaughter into begging him to get a hearing aid- so he wouldn't miss out on their famiy get-togethers. He got one.

Several years ago- before NC with my mother, we were talking on the phone, discussing him, and she interrupted me to tell me that she was going to change phones so she could walk out to the back yard. It was cold cold January and I asked her why she had to go out there. She said, "G finally got that hearing aid, and he heard me talking about him last week when I had Mother on the phone, and it hurt his feelings. He wouldn't speak to me for 3 days! Now, he can hear and I have to go deep in the basement or the yard to talk behind his back"

Bummer.

May 15, 2007
12:36 am
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Dear Shaney, I hope our funny stories about family dysfunctions don't/didn't bum you out. It is not meant to belittle your situation at all, but perhaps to give us all some relief in humor.

I truly hope your leaving will be a relief for you.

And I hope your sons and bf will be able to "let go" of you and stop using you, so you can get back on your own two feet. I wish you all the peace and relief that you deserve. And I hope your leaving will enable them all to grow up and take responsibility for themselves.

Good luck and best wishes.

May 15, 2007
12:38 am
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Oh dear. I think I got Shaney and Smarterone's situations mixed up. Please forgive.

May 16, 2007
12:13 am
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brynnie
My situation, i wish it was someone else. As long as i give in yes i know but i do it to keep him away. I would give the shirt off my back to keep him away. At midnite now heis haunting us for three dollars for cigs. things are so bad here who needs to be broke and with a b/f. I could be a lone and broke. and hopefully will be, the problem is where. Take care tonite.
SHANEY, HOPE YOU ARE ENJOYING YOURSELF, NOT SURE IF THIS WAS VACATION, AT THIS POINT IM NOT SURE WHAT MY NAME IS.

May 16, 2007
5:06 pm
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Woo-Hoo, (((Shaney)))! Are we well? 🙂 (very codep question)

(((Everyone)))

May 17, 2007
4:41 pm
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Shaney
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Okie dokie... here's the low-down:

Time with mom and family was good overall. My mom was well, but irritated me with all of the usual things.... it takes her two hours to get ready, she's never on time, she's self-conscious and insecure and makes lame comments about herself all the time... etc. I tried to control myself, and did so for the most part.

My grandma hasn't seen my uncle in a year and everything he did, she made some crappy comment about. My mom snapped and yelled at her, so I had to sit between them for the remainder of my visit with them and for all of the meals we ate together the next day as well. Jeez. It's comical though. You can't help but laugh at the dynamics, because I'm always the one who has to slap everyone's hand to get them to behave. You all would die laughing.

The house is still in escrow, expected to close on the 23rd. The buyers have had pool contractors at the house bidding on upgrades and repairs, which is a GREAT sign. Plus their lender is really pushing our escrow company to get this done... so let's hope and pray that this is done soon.

I went and looked at new cars, which was fun. I'm excited, because it really looks like I'm going to be able to get one in a few weeks. :o)

Shaney is doing well. She had a ton of energy when I got home from work yesterday and ran like crazy all over the back yard as she barked her head off. It's great to see her playful and happy. Good old girl!

Samson's biopsy result came back today and he's still got cancerous cells - no more tumors... just cells. I haven't told M yet, since the Dr. called me here at work, but I'll have to when I get home. I don't even want to tell him, actually, but it's the right thing to do. Sam shows no signs of being sick... in fact he had that tumor for 6 years and never acted any differently. The dr. said that dogs live with these tumors all of the time and arent really affected by them, but that we can choose to do more surgery, or even radiation if we wanted to go that route. I'm not even sure what to do really. If we did more surgery, they would have to take a good portion of his stomach muscle... and even then there is no guarantee that there won't be cells in that tissue too. We'll see.

Anyhoo peeps... thanks for all of your prayers and support. It means a lot to me. Thanks - love - Shaney

May 17, 2007
9:08 pm
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Shaney, Welcome back! I´m putting my chips on the 23!!! Betting on a new car!

Good pets, hey? Nice come back for Shaney-poo though Samson´s got an ordeal. My 2 cents are that you let him away from the knive for a while and radiation... ugh?! Nope. If you look for them, chances are you´ll find all kinds of kinks and bents and warts and will keep your pet from living with his condition as natures well knows how. Give him a break.

Family dynamics gave you a handful, I can imagine from what you said. It seems you always have a place in it, lol, just watch when they start throwing pies!!!

Shaney, what am I gonna do from here? I need a thread, I need things to tell the psychologist tomorrow...
That could be a start. Hmm, I guess that´s it. The eye of the storm is going to be the name of the thread. Come see me, I need you! No, you dont wanna read that! I ´want´ you to come over, that´s for sure!

hugs,

May 20, 2007
12:12 am
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shaney
welcome back, what kind of car are you looking to get. I hope the dogs come along.
Look at other posts or just know that i left thursday for wpb,fl. staying with two different friends, really have no money, but ill figure it out. was going to go home this wkend, cuz friends im staying with were going to my area near orlando to have memorial day wkend there. Then today, i went with my very christian ministry girlfriend, really devoted friend, and helped her out and she calls a man who is a licensed therapist, who would counsel me with the beliefs of the Lord. He told me that he had medical experience too and talking to me, if i go back, he cant see me not having a stroke after hearing physical problems, convulsions or whatever they were. He also feels that son, who he had a place he recommended for people his age but it has to be volutarily, might just have a severe mental problem. He said i should stay here and get my act together before i even think of trying to get all of our lives together, like mike and i, i have come to the conclusion i believe i care of rmikey but not in love. I spoke to him tonite, he really hasnt seen chris, and chris has not mentioned one thing about me not being there, i never told him. My fear is him showing up here 4 hrs away, he is ballsy like that. I wont call house, i do call mikey cell phone. He just doesnt get it, i told him there is a chance i may not come back and he needs to figure out what we should do. He told me to get better and he loves me. Tired now, talk tomorrow.n I do miss home, no place like your own. Love to all

May 20, 2007
8:49 am
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Hi Shanster,

I just popped in and read your update. I haven't been posting much but I have been keeping you in my thoughts and sending positive vibes your way. I'm SO HAPPY that things are beginning to look up for you.

I will continue to keep you and M and the dogs in my thoughts and hope things continue to improve.

Love ya girlfriend,
Lolli

May 20, 2007
11:17 am
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(((shaney))) you're sounding better! Glad things are going well and you can laugh at your family. I think we all can do that, and we have to in order to stay sane! Thinking of you, and keeping you in my prayers!

May 21, 2007
5:36 am
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bevdee
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Shaney

I'm glad your puppypeople are doing better. I'm thrilled to hear about the house. That's one huge stressor for you and your husband knocked down.

Lolli! I thought I saw you peeking in here? I'm thinking of you.

May 21, 2007
12:08 pm
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(((Bevdee)))

May 23, 2007
8:36 am
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risingfromtheashes
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shanester...I read on the other side that you have alot going on...anything we can do?

May 23, 2007
11:56 am
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Shaney
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rising :o)... sweet of you to offer me a leg up. I'm actually doing okay. I have a ton of things to be thankful for, and I AM... I just have a couple of emotional issues, I guess.

I had relatives in town, which is a great thing as much as it is draining. I'm glad they're gone. I know that's terrible, but I can't stand the bickering. I'm tired of driving 300 miles round trip to watch my family argue. It's irritating.

My mom is coming on Friday to stay for a night, and to drop her dog off for me to watch while she goes to San Diego for the weekend. Knowing that my mom is coming puts me instantly in a funk. M will be home while she's here, which makes it that much more stressful. I know my mom gets on his nerves (hell, she gets on mine too) so it just makes it uncomfortable. He's always sweet to her, but you can't ignore the obvious tension. I hate that sort of thing.

My h was home for 8 days in a row which begins to make me crazy... especially when I'm in the middle of my "cycle." He's back at work now, so I can get organized again and unwind a bit. I'm pretty pissed at him right now anyway. Our one year annivarsary is coming up in June and we've been talking about getting away together ever since our house went into escrow. That's all we've talked about, "ONCE THE HOUSE DEAL GOES THROUGH, WE CAN RELAX AND LIVE OUR LIVES AGAIN." Well this house looks like its a done deal and JUST in time for our anniversary... or so I'm thinking. I'm dying to get out of this fucking crowded city, WITH my husband, and have some fun for a change. The last two years have been really rough, and we could both use a break. Well, I hear him talking on the phone to his friend in Texas (yeah, you heard me bev, TEXAS) making plans to come out there next month. So I ask when he's going and for how long. He's going for a WEEK, days before our anniversary which means he has to take time off from work, which means that he won't be able to take more time off for a trip with me the following weekend. So I get quiet. He asks what's wrong, and I tell him that I thought we were going to take a trip "together" for our anniversary and to celebrate the sale of the house. Then he flips out, makes some crappy estrogen comment, says that he deserves to get away after all of the stress he's been under, and that because I'm making such a big deal of everything, it makes him not even want to celebrate our anniversary. (Yeah, infantile comments, I know.) So, after his attempt at verbally beating me into submission with his crappy comments, I'm silent. I could tell that it wasn't worth even going into anything more at that point. He was in defense mode because he doesn't want anyone to make him feel guilty, and I know that. I've hardly talked to him for two days, because I pretty much hate his guts right now. He went on to say that we can always plan something at a later time for our anniversary. Oh thanks. Which means that if I want to go anywhere, *I* can plan something. Yeah right - over my dead body am I planning anything. The only thing I'm planning is a week long trip with my girlfriends. Anyway...

Our house funded yesterday and we should be getting a check tomorrow. I can't believe this house thing is really almost over. It still doesn't seem real. I'm still guarded about the whole thing since we've been disappointed so many times before. Keep your fingers crossed :o).

Good news is that I can get a new car. I've always been frugal when it comes to cars, but I want a car that I'm going to feel cute in! I'm looking at the Lexus IS 350. But we'll see... I might chicken out and get something cheaper.

The best thing of all is that both of my dogs are doing well. I've done a bunch of reasearch on homeopathic cancer treatments and so I went and spent a small fortune on herbs and tonics for Samson. I've actually been mixing these herbs with Shaney's food too, and they both seem really energetic and happy. More so than normal. So, I'm really happy about that.

Anyway all, thanks for listening again. Love you guys - M

(((sini, smarterone, lolli, ready, bev, rising)))

May 23, 2007
12:08 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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ok...the GOOD news is that your period is over, your babies are getting healthy and the house deal is almost done.

the bad news is that your husband is acting like a child again...and that no matter what, mom is always around making things stressful.

you can't make mom go away...and I suspect you know that her presence is only temporary and fleeting...it's hard to be around that kind of stress.

I am due to go to Florida this summer to pick my daughter up at my parents.

For the FIRST time in my life, I don't want to see them. Well, let me clarify. I don't want to see my dad.

When he was told I was pregnant, his answer was "what the hell does she think she is doing"...that's it.

Mom WAS a little disappointed that we rushed...but is happy that I am happy...and is now baby shopping.

I don't want to spend ANY time with my dad...in fact, my best friend asked if I wanted her to babysit him so I can spend time with my mom...I may take her up on it.

I really really really don't want to go see him...it's been nine months...and my wounds are healing.

So I know how it is...and about families bickering...yeah, I used to dread the holidays for that reason...it was not enjoyable.

As for the husband...I really don't know what to say...except there is a good chance that he totally forgot what week it was...men are stupid like that...and once you called him on it, he had to come up with some kind of defense. It does not excuse how he handled it.

Your first anniversary SHOULD be special and blowing you off cuz he needs down time sucks...why not spend down time with the person that means the most?????

So, I understand, but don't have any solutions or answers.

Try to celebrate what is good. And maybe hubby will feel bad enough to make it up to you somehow?

May 23, 2007
12:22 pm
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Shaney
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thanks rising.... I DO have so much to be thankful for and the other issues will definitely pass.

Alright, now back to you. I didn't even know you were pregnant! In fact, the last I read, you had broken up with 26 because he cheated, and had just broken the news to your boss at work. WTF?!!! Are you back with 26? Well, if you're happy, I'm happy... and babies are ALWAYS a good thing. How exciting for you. :o)

May 23, 2007
12:32 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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ok...sorry you missed it.

26 sent me roses after this episode and a few days of not speaking to him.

I called him to ask what was up about it...and he asked to speak to me.

He only wanted to apologize.

Anyway, he had a sincere apology that I felt was truly from the heart. And my gut said to trust it.

That was over two months ago.

Work has gone fine.

And our relationship has blossomed in so many ways.

He said that during those days apart, he felt a hole had been ripped in his heart and that there was NO doubt in his mind that I was meant to be in his life forever. He has opened up and become the partner I was hoping for.

NOW - we decided to move into his place...after a few minor renovations and in a year or so, do a total renovation from the foundation up.

THEN - we decided to stop worrying about birth control and let nature take it's course...as I am getting older and worried that if we wait it will be too late.

First shot worked...and I am in my sixth week.

He is tickled pink...he is excited...a little nervous...but not running for the hills.

We are putting a garden in at his house and he is promising me a greenhouse for next year. He is also excited about plans he wants to do to clean up the yard and make it what it used to be long time ago.

Yeah, he has done a total turn around...his depression has lifted...his attitude is changed...he is happy....his little "issue" in the bedroom still exists, but only occasionally now. He shares his feelings and emotions...he is thoughtful and kind and sweet. He goes SHOPPING with me now...and enjoys it...we go to the movies, bowling and playing pool...he goes to the laundry with me every week.

Yeah, it's all REALLY REALLY good.

sorry you missed it...I only brought it up on a few threads here and there.

May 23, 2007
12:42 pm
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Shaney
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Whoa! Thank you for the update :o). I'm glad that things are working out for you two now. I was worried that he wasn't going to step up, but it sounds like he has, which is great! Take care of yourself, rising. Being preganant requires you to slow down a bit... and, like me, I know how you tend to take on more than your share. Things sound promising... good stuff :o)

May 23, 2007
12:46 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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It's funny...everyone tells me to slow down and take care of me.

Last time I was pregnant, I was alone.

This time, I have a wonderful partner.

And he makes a point to NOT let me overdo it. He makes sure I take my vitamins, eat right and stay moderately active. He helps more than ever around the house, tho in the past, he was more than helpful to begin with. I don't think I have washed dishes in months!!! He knows I hate them and took over for me.

It's nice to have someone rub my feet, rub my back, get me something to eat or drink....we eat lunch together every day and it seems to rejuvenate us for the rest of the day....jsut the time together, away from work, just the two of us.

It really feels good to experience what other women have during their pregnancy. And he even is going to all my appointments with me...and is very excited about all of it.

oh, and he is quitting the smoking for the baby....just like he promised me he would.

May 23, 2007
2:01 pm
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Shaney
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I know I don't have to remind you of this, but having a baby doesn't necessarily constitute getting married. Take more SOLID steps before making a commitment like that. See what happens over a period of time, rather than putting all of your eggs into one basket based on a couple of months worth of good behaviour. You're smart enough to know all that, but in all of the excitment, the occasional reality check is good. I'm happy for you, I just want you to make the best decisions possible. You've come so far, and I just want to see you continue to grow. Love to you rising - M

May 23, 2007
2:28 pm
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Shaney
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Hey there loll...

I get where you're coming from, only because I've been there with some of my own relationships. It all becomes so overwhelming and convoluted in our own heads at times, we just have to say "who gives a shit" and live for a while without pressure or accountability. Eventually things will start to make sense, and you'll make the decisions you need to make, when you're good and ready. I know that in the midst of my times of carelessness, I came out of it pretty darn clear about what I DON'T want. Thats always a good thing. So, my friend, live on :o) - love you - Marina

May 23, 2007
2:29 pm
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Shaney
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I posted this on the wrong thread like an idiot. duh...

May 23, 2007
2:54 pm
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Honolulugal
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Shaney! Hah!

That's my good buddy's name!

May 23, 2007
3:40 pm
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Shaney
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HGAL!

Marina is your friends name? HA!! Now you have two friends named Marina. :o)

Season finale of Lost tonight.... ahhh Matthew Fox.... yummy.

May 23, 2007
4:33 pm
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And the Chef says he's TALL and nice as can be, Shaney! He said when he stood next to Naveen Andrews he was shocked that the dude was so ti-nette - a real munchkin. But then, again, Chef is 6'2" and stands very straight.

Poor Chef is in Italy now for his big bike race, so will miss it - I'm sure someone will tape it for him, though!

H-gal

P.S. I was catching the bus to meet mom and sis on Sat and saw a beauuuutiful border collie in the car ahead with head out the window sniffing the breeze. I could tell how silky the coat was even from a distance - thought of your puppers when I saw her!

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